Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
Ugly custody disputes with divorces that drag on are NOT a normal part of life.
My parents got divorced when I was a teenager. It was amicable and relatively painless. They both agreed that the marriage was unhealthy, they both truly wanted what was best for me, and they both made sure to upset my life as little as possible. That's what loving parents do.
Parents who treat their children as pawns in their "I'm going to get you before you get me" bullshit don't deserve to be parents.
You signed up for a poly relationship. Take some fucking responsibility for that and don't drag your kids into your tornado of misery. They didn't sign up for any of this. So you fucked up and made a mistake? That's fine, you're human. But now that you know better, start acting like a grown-up and drop the selfish "I'll do what I want, no matter who gets hurt" crap.
I disagree. Maybe not normal life, but they are apart of life. Somewhere in the world somebody's sitting in a family law courtroom trying to either make modifications to a custody arrangement, clashing over custody, or trying to find a solution via a mediator. The difference is you were a teenager, and you were probably given the option to say where you wanted to be or who you preferred to be with. Was that taken into consideration? After a certain age, you can be asked. Our children aren't old enough for that, so it would be out of our hands and based on a number of factors or solely at the judge's discretion.
I don't have to stay somewhere that I don't want to stay. Part of being an adult is owning up to things. I signed up for it and outgrew this bullshit. No different than falling out of love with somebody. Yeah, you try to get that old feeling back and do everything possible to remember that feeling, but if it's broken, sometimes you have to let it be. No matter how many ways you force something or try to make the pieces fit, sometimes it just doesn't work. I fell out of "contentment" with this arrangement. In a relationship, shouldn't you be a little more than content? It's not her job to make me happy. I'm responsible for my happiness, but this marriage is part of my life and should evoke some happy thoughts and feelings. People change every day, and I'm no different. There's no crime in that. Kids or not. I'm not staying in a marriage to JUST keep the family together because it's painless or the easy thing to do. I said I would try everything from A-Y. That's flexible and at minimum open to compromise. Z or divorce is the last resort.
I know what I'm up against with my wife. I'm not a fool. Nothing will be amicable or painless because she won't let it be, and you know how I know with certainty? The words came from HER mouth. Is she just pissed off because I'm wanting to remove a choice from her? I'd imagine so. She can't have her cake and eat it too, this time. The only thing amicable will be splitting finances, properties, and anything acquired during our marriage. The only reason? A prenuptial agreement that spelled everything out, and postnuptial agreement that reaffirmed was routinely modified to accommodate any changes. You never plan for a divorce, but you can't be stupid or blindsided if the time comes.