Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions


View Poll Results: What type of poly origin did you have?
I've always had poly tendencies and never really took to monogamy 20 10.99%
I've always had poly tendencies and tried to be monogamous before 64 35.16%
I fell in love with a poly person and have adapted to the lifestyle 23 12.64%
I read or heard about someone else's poly experiences and thought it could work for me 18 9.89%
Other 57 31.32%
Voters: 182. You may not vote on this poll

Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-11-2013, 06:20 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,328

You asking me "Why" is like me asking you "Why NOT?" Different people are after different experiences.

I think you could mean "What do I get out of it?"

I get intensity in loving and relating. I also get a shot at having that concurrently with several partners if all are willing to share that.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 03-11-2013 at 10:09 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 03-11-2013, 08:52 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,898

"Because love is a rare enough thing in this world that I don't think we should let ANY of it slip away without consideration."

Jane("More-Love-is More-Better")Q
JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 03-11-2013 at 08:55 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 03:11 AM
BreatheDeeply's Avatar
BreatheDeeply BreatheDeeply is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NewSouthWales&California
Posts: 62

I had read Heinlein too, but just assumed that like most concepts in sci fi that it was just made up stuff. My life is filled with sci fi's empty promises of future worlds where people live incredibly long lives, visit beautiful worlds, and of course, as equally untrue, have open relationships.

So I chalked the whole lot into the imagination bin of my mind, and didn't revisit it until 30 yrs later.

It was the Internet that made me realise that some beliefs that I thought were fantasy can or true, right now, in this world. Thats how i rediscovered my poly nature. If not for that, I would still be miserable and not really know why. It's been life changing to finally be comfortable with who I am. And it is my wife Aquarius who's given me the support to be myself.

Take the risk of thinking for yourself, much more happiness, truth, beauty, and wisdom will come to you that way. - C. Hitchens

Me: Male, bi, 48, flexible
Husbanding Aquarius
Dating MsX
Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 03:31 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

I would answer "Why not?" or "Why should I limit myself? I've got a lot of love to give!"
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 03:36 AM
undefinable's Avatar
undefinable undefinable is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: East of Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 33

Its who I am, always has been.
Life is all about connections. Love is infinite. Spread the wealth.
Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 03:41 AM
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 451

I like the subversiveness of "Why not?"

It neatly and succinctly shifts the burden of proof back on the person asking: I don't need to justify being polyamorous nearly as much as they need to justify the normalization of monogamy.
Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 03:55 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

I've been wondering, though, if "Why not?" opens the door too easily to the endless list of anti-poly sentiment. I can already hear in my head some possible responses like jealousy, lack of commitment and faithfulness, insecurity, damaging to children and families, immoral...

I could address each and every one, of course, but it would take time and patience and why put myself through all that for the average individual? I think I prefer the "Because it works for me" response if I'm looking for a short and sweet end to the conversation because it's not really something they can argue against.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 01:31 PM
ladyslipper ladyslipper is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 47

Google, good ol' google...
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."
Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 01:50 PM
ladyslipper ladyslipper is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 47

It's a good question. Not sure I have a good answer for it... but I'll throw this out there:
"I prefer autonomy-based relationship rather than possessive-style relationships"

And to the jealousy argument, which is usually the pinnacle for monogamists, I like to remind people that jealousy is just another emotion to be managed, like anger. We don't tell people not to drive because they might get angry at the other drivers, we tell them to manage their anger better.
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."
Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 03:20 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 2,182

This has never actually come up in real life for me. I am kinda looking forward to when it does!

I would say 'It works for me.' If they asked more questions and seemed open to hearing my response, I would answer. If they seemed to be argumentative about it, I would just move on.
Reply With Quote

boundaries, cheating, coming out poly, commitment, defintion, description, descriptions, discovery, dissatisfaction, first time, happiness, history, introduction to poly, learning, mono poly, mono/poly, new to polyamory, opening a relationship, poly, relationship issues, scale, starting out

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 05:33 AM.