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  #221  
Old 03-11-2013, 05:31 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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"Because it works for me."

or

"Because we worked it out that way so I didn't have to choose between two incredible people who love me."
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Last edited by ThatGirlInGray; 03-11-2013 at 05:37 PM. Reason: typo!
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  #222  
Old 03-11-2013, 06:20 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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You asking me "Why" is like me asking you "Why NOT?" Different people are after different experiences.

I think you could mean "What do I get out of it?"

I get intensity in loving and relating. I also get a shot at having that concurrently with several partners if all are willing to share that.

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 03-11-2013 at 10:09 PM.
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  #223  
Old 03-11-2013, 08:52 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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"Because love is a rare enough thing in this world that I don't think we should let ANY of it slip away without consideration."

Jane("More-Love-is More-Better")Q
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (22+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 03-11-2013 at 08:55 PM.
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  #224  
Old 03-12-2013, 03:11 AM
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BreatheDeeply BreatheDeeply is offline
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I had read Heinlein too, but just assumed that like most concepts in sci fi that it was just made up stuff. My life is filled with sci fi's empty promises of future worlds where people live incredibly long lives, visit beautiful worlds, and of course, as equally untrue, have open relationships.

So I chalked the whole lot into the imagination bin of my mind, and didn't revisit it until 30 yrs later.

It was the Internet that made me realise that some beliefs that I thought were fantasy can or true, right now, in this world. Thats how i rediscovered my poly nature. If not for that, I would still be miserable and not really know why. It's been life changing to finally be comfortable with who I am. And it is my wife Aquarius who's given me the support to be myself.

.
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  #225  
Old 03-12-2013, 03:31 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I would answer "Why not?" or "Why should I limit myself? I've got a lot of love to give!"
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The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #226  
Old 03-12-2013, 03:36 AM
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undefinable undefinable is offline
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Its who I am, always has been.
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  #227  
Old 03-12-2013, 03:41 AM
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hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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I like the subversiveness of "Why not?"

It neatly and succinctly shifts the burden of proof back on the person asking: I don't need to justify being polyamorous nearly as much as they need to justify the normalization of monogamy.
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  #228  
Old 03-12-2013, 03:55 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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I've been wondering, though, if "Why not?" opens the door too easily to the endless list of anti-poly sentiment. I can already hear in my head some possible responses like jealousy, lack of commitment and faithfulness, insecurity, damaging to children and families, immoral...

I could address each and every one, of course, but it would take time and patience and why put myself through all that for the average individual? I think I prefer the "Because it works for me" response if I'm looking for a short and sweet end to the conversation because it's not really something they can argue against.
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  #229  
Old 03-12-2013, 01:31 PM
ladyslipper ladyslipper is offline
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Google, good ol' google...
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  #230  
Old 03-12-2013, 01:50 PM
ladyslipper ladyslipper is offline
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It's a good question. Not sure I have a good answer for it... but I'll throw this out there:
"I prefer autonomy-based relationship rather than possessive-style relationships"

And to the jealousy argument, which is usually the pinnacle for monogamists, I like to remind people that jealousy is just another emotion to be managed, like anger. We don't tell people not to drive because they might get angry at the other drivers, we tell them to manage their anger better.
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