Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 03-11-2013, 06:10 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

You kept things bottled up inside, basically lied to yourself AND your wife AND her girlfriend for TWELVE YEARS. And now you've made this drastic, 180-degree turn in the space of what, a month??

I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings. You've realized what you feel, what you want and what you don't want. Great.

But your apparent desire to change things quickly needs desperately to be tempered. It took a LONG time to get to this point. It is absolutely appropriate for it to take a long time to reach a point of equilibrium again. Yes, steps should be taken now that the problem has been realized, but BABY steps. Nothing that is set in stone or potentially damaging to the kids, who are caught in the middle of a situation they didn't create. Frankly I don't care how much you're someone who wants to leap into action. This isn't the time. We try to teach kids to think about their actions and not just go with the knee-jerk response, and it sounds like you need to do that too. In your hurt, you've made it all about YOU, justifying it in your head that you put up with so much for so long. But it doesn't sound like you're adequately acknowledging that after TWELVE YEARS OF LYING, you've turned your wife's life on it's EAR. This is NOT all about you. It is finally about all three of you, maybe, rather than just the two of them, but IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!!

Hopefully the therapy helps. I find it odd that you don't like therapists when you cited your therapist's words as justification for your decisions/actions a couple of times. I'm glad you're continuing it, and I hope you're successful in keeping an open mind during it.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 09:21 PM.