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View Poll Results: What type of poly origin did you have?
I've always had poly tendencies and never really took to monogamy 20 10.99%
I've always had poly tendencies and tried to be monogamous before 64 35.16%
I fell in love with a poly person and have adapted to the lifestyle 23 12.64%
I read or heard about someone else's poly experiences and thought it could work for me 18 9.89%
Other 57 31.32%
Voters: 182. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 03-06-2013, 08:03 PM
RainyGrlJenny's Avatar
RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 258

When I met Fly, he was coming off a bad, shit-hit-the-fan breakup, and told me that because he felt he was incapable of monogamy, he could never offer me exclusivity. Being a virgin and having had very limited experience with relationships, I decided to try it out with him and see how it went. Turns out, it went pretty well!

So after establishing our open relationship, I started to notice that where Fly had fuck buddies, I ended up with true FWB who never really went away. Even when we weren't physically intimate anymore, we kept in touch, went to movies, etc. I was recently invited to the baby shower of a couple I slept with about 5 years ago. Apparently, I'm not great at letting go.

I'm a nerd and took a lot of workshops about sex once I started having it, and ended up taking one at the Center for Sex Positive Culture (http://thecspc.org/ - if you're in the Seattle area this place is an awesome resource for a variety of sexuality-related stuff). Looking at their class calendar, they had one called "Poly 101," and the description really captured my attention.

In the workshop, it was a huge a-ha! moment. THIS is who I am! I so identified with the stories the presenters told, and began to understand that I wasn't completely bizarre for building all these long-lasting relationships with the people I slept with. It helped my boyfriend understand me better, also. He used to - and still does - shake his head at how complicated my love life looks next to his. But now he gets that it's my nature to bond, and he supports my sometimes rocky journeys loving other people.

I grew up watching disney princess movies and believing the happily-ever-after of monogamy. Now, I'm still a goo-ball romantic, but I believe in the happily-here-and-now-for-as-long-as-it-lasts instead.

- Moonlight, single, leans monogamous, girlfriend since 6/2012
- Punk, married guy, poly, FWB since 9/2011 with an emphasis on the "F"
- No longer lives with ex-boyfriend Fly (1/2006 - 12/2013, my introduction to nonmonogamy, ultimately amicable breakup), and his 11-year-old son Kiddo
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Old 03-10-2013, 03:36 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

I learned about poly via a colleague on a film shoot. She was producing the project and came across as a very interesting person, so I googled her and found her blog, in which she wrote about being both polyamorous and a swinger. She's a published writer and very talented, so it was a good read. About a year later, my marriage fell apart, and as I contemplated being single again, I remembered her blog and started reading up on poly (I knew the swinging she wrote about was not for me), and then chose to embrace poly for myself.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 08-07-2013 at 10:51 PM.
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Old 03-10-2013, 06:30 AM
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Shannanigan Shannanigan is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: St. Thomas, VI
Posts: 27

I had been in a relationship for four years, and for the first time found myself attracted to someone other than my boyfriend to the point of worrying I would cheat on him. I was still wildly in love with my boyfriend and had no desire to break up with him or lie to him, and I wasn't sure what to do, so I turned to the internet.

I did some reading of advice columns about cheating, and one of the things that came up was the possibility that someone experiencing what I was feeling could be polyamorous. More Googling, and boom, polyamory discovered.
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Old 03-10-2013, 11:39 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,414

Even though monogamy had never really made a lot of sense to me, I'd allowed myself to be assumed* into a series of monogamous relationships from my mid-teens to my mid 30s. Finally I'd had enough and had managed to scrape together the intestinal fortitude to tell my now-BF that I wasn't looking for a happily-ever-after one true love deal when he asked on our 2nd or 3rd date where I saw the relationship going. He said "Oh, ok. You're Poly?"

*Exclusivity tends to be assumed over here from the first date on. I gather it's different elsewhere, particularly in the US.
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Old 03-11-2013, 07:21 AM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 485
Default "Why Poly?" - What would you answer?

So, I'm pretty open about my life. Lately I've found myself among inquisitive and sceptical people a lot, and the question that keeps popping up is


Why do I want to live my life this way?

With my friends I have long and thoughtful discussions about how it all came to this point and what I feel about the pros and cons etc. To annoying guys in bars I simply say " because I can" and start a conversation with someone else. But I guess I'm looking for a simple one-or-two sentence answer that is not too flippant and yet not too complicated ... and I haven't come up with it yet.

What would you say if you had to answer the 'poly? why?' question?
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 + years
Bo - BF of 3 years
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Old 03-11-2013, 07:39 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 712

"Because I have more love to give than one person can take."

"Because I'm hard to please, I need to two to try harder."
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)
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Old 03-11-2013, 08:43 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,444

Because not monogamy.
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Old 03-11-2013, 10:39 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 651

Because I fell in love

Not ensured that this solves the confusion (far from it mostly), but that usually is my answer.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

My Blog
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Old 03-11-2013, 03:04 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

I'd just toss it back to them -- why not?

But, if you want something a little different, perhaps "Because it suits my personality and desires, and has been a good fit for me and my partners. I know it's not for everyone, but I appreciate the honesty and freedom."
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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Old 03-11-2013, 05:31 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

"Because it works for me."


"Because we worked it out that way so I didn't have to choose between two incredible people who love me."
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack

Last edited by ThatGirlInGray; 03-11-2013 at 05:37 PM. Reason: typo!
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