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Old 01-07-2010, 05:02 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 900

Originally Posted by constlady View Post
Actually, I found that an interesting choice of words, since to me an accusation tends to be inherently negative in connotation.
Therefore to accuse someone of being sex negative indicates the person using the word feels that being sex negative is not a positive thing.
To accuse someone of being sex positive would indicate that the person using the word feels that being sex positive is not a positive thing. (Wow, that is an awkward phrasing, sorry I couldn't figure out how to state it differently!)
Either way, the conversation begins with an undertone of negativity that can cloud further discussion.

If we are to attempt conversation from a non-judgmental framework, that might be a word to avoid.

You've just illustrated how people can interpret things differently than they are intended. If we are going to attempt a conversation from a non-judgmental framework, that might be something to consider rather than getting defensive about something that may not have actually been said.

I did a quick search in this forum for "sex negative" in an attempt to find examples of the posts that led me to feeling the way I do, but there were 58 multiple page threads returned and I simply don't have the time or energy to cull through them all at the moment.

The basic synopsis for me is: When some people expressed their opinions on their definition of polyamory being skewed more towards love than towards sexual involvement, some responses indicated that meant those people must believe that "sex is dirty" and that they should stop perpetuating prejudices against those who define polyamory in a more sexual way.
That felt like an enormous leap to me and one which does not accurately define who I am as a person, even though I do share the same skew in my definition. Being love positive doesn't automatically mean I'm not sex positive as well.
Well, at this point, all I have is your interpretation. I've not been able to find anything that suggests that people who value love when approaching sex are being viewed as sex negative. I would love to see some specific quotes from which you derived this.

Given that other posters on this thread responded that they too felt the same way, I'm fairly comfortable that my reaction isn't based on a personal bias.
I never said it was. I'm just trying to figure out where it's coming from.

My intent here is not to devolve this conversation into an argument over specific words or intents but rather I hoped to share with others that the labeling of some as sex negative was just as disconcerting to them as others may have felt being labeled as "not really poly" was.
Well, if you're suggesting that people are labeling others as sex negative for what you perceive as wrong reasons, that indeed is an argument over specific words or intents. If you think there are people who are specifically viewing you as being sex negative and that those views are unfair, it seems the first way to address it is to find out exactly who has viewed you this way and with what words they put that view out there.
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