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Old 03-09-2013, 12:22 AM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

You know what, you were right, I was wrong. It IS your right to completely ban someone from your life, and it IS your home, so I suppose that technically you can include that in the ban even if the other people who also live in that home might not want it for themselves at all. It's a choice that seems to me to be extremely compassionless to all involved (Si, FoL, the kids), but it is in fact your right, and, since you've said your compassion is absent, there's no use appealing to you on those grounds.

What I'm curious about, then, is this. How do you go from this --

"Right now, there are days where I don't even want her at our house."
"I won't say that I'm miserable. I'm not by any shot, but I'm happier when her girlfriend isn't around like the plague."
"If she has to stay around, there will be certain days, and I can't go for back to back days. I don't want to see anybody 24 hours. Everybody needs time to breathe. There must be a break in between. If she has to stay in my wife's life, I don't want her to be part of everything we do."
"Examples of what I can live with. If I'm working overnight, which isn't unusual, it's cool if she's there with my wife. I know they have their Lifetime movie nights. Saves me from crazy movie central. No issue. She comes over on Sunday's to watch that show Downton Abbey, maybe? Cool, but here's the problem. She doesn't leave that night or the following morning or even ask if we mind if she stays longer than expected. It's assumed that it's wanted by both of us."

-- all of which speaks of needing to find a workable middle ground, to refusing to acknowledge her presence in the space of three days time? Physical and emotional space, yes, of course, good idea. But isn't deciding that she essentially doesn't exist for you taking the idea of "I need more space" to an extreme? When did this hard shift occur, and why?

You yourself said --
"Much like a woman who had prior children from a previous marriage, it became a package deal."

If, over the course of a few months, you decided you were sick of your partner's adult child from a previous marriage (not, as far as I can tell, because that person is a bad person, but because they're just around too much), and then very suddenly revealed it to your partner and said child, would you consider it acceptable to then immediately bar that person from your presence and pretend they didn't exist? I mean, where is the rational middle ground? What happened to just asking that she be around less? What on earth happened in the last three days to change your feelings so radically?
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.

Last edited by AnnabelMore; 03-09-2013 at 12:29 AM.
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