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Old 03-08-2013, 09:40 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
Matt has an IDGAF attitude.
Oh,"I don't give a fuck." I had to think about that one.

Quote:
I guess the want to be around us was strong... I think that's how she ended up so involved in our marriage recently.
Involved in "your" (Matt's and FoL's) marriage? Well, now. Isn't Si practically married to you, FoL? I mean, 12 years is a long term relationship! Where have your boundaries been all these years? Was something new spelt out when kids came along? When Matt and Si decided they wanted to have sex and date, maybe have a kid of their own?

Quote:
Nothing wrong with wanting to be around people you care about, but there's s line.
No one seems to now where the line is. You and Matt have been talking about putting other's needs first, you've talked about being a "Christian." Well, do you put Si's needs first, making her think you really care about her needs, when all it is, is a total facade masking resentment? Gosh.

And now one or both of you are seeing her as "too involved in the (almighty M/F het) marriage" and somewhat disposable. And you say you're now putting the marriage (if not the F/F relationship) ahead of the kids' needs as well. A 3 year old and an infant. Might need a 2nd nanny...

Quote:
With Si, there's something different. She's more understanding ...
Is she understanding now, that Matt's compersion was nothing but passive aggressiveness and being secretly aggrieved and resentful? How is she supposed to live her life now.

Quote:
The relationships turned into one and the results were catastrophic. As he's been saying, "I married YOU. Not her, too." We took vows. A mess is what was created.
Yes. He never developed compersion. He now thinks being mono is "right" and you, FoL, are wrong, perhaps sick, and Si is some kind of interloper, despite having been accepted as your lover for 12 years. Ach.

We are all going to filter this through our own past experiences. My ex husband was raised Christian, to put Christ first, others 2nd and his own needs last. He always did and does this, but always resents it. He does it because of brainwashing, a desperate need to feel liked, and not out of sincere caring.

Here, we talk about being one's own primary. Take care of yourself first, know your needs, your limits and MAKE THEM KNOWN to your loved ones. Don't hide them thinking that makes you all honorable and full of caritas. It just makes you untrustworthy and a double crosser.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37

Last edited by Magdlyn; 03-08-2013 at 09:45 PM.
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