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  #161  
Old 01-07-2010, 01:58 AM
glowinthedarkstars glowinthedarkstars is offline
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I havent been here in a while but I send hugs around to everyone too.
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  #162  
Old 01-07-2010, 04:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glowinthedarkstars View Post
I havent been here in a while but I send hugs around to everyone too.
Right back at you!!
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  #163  
Old 01-31-2010, 07:29 PM
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Hi all,
My working definition for Love is from science fiction author, Robert A. Heinlein. He wrote that love is the state of being where another persons happiness is necessary for your own happiness. Interestingly, he was polyamourous back in the 1940's and wrote books that discussed this such as "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress" and "Friday".

I myself like words that have different meaning and then I can use them correctly for precision in communication. (Altho research has suggested that humans think using fuzzy sets, which likely means trying to precisely define 'big concepts' with humans almost impossible.) But for myself, I will use the definitions in the sticky post at the top of the site.

Warm regards, Rick.
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  #164  
Old 12-14-2011, 12:42 AM
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Well I love being poly, and I L-O-V-E being slutty, so I create as much continuity as possible!
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  #165  
Old 08-04-2014, 11:17 PM
leilasi leilasi is offline
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I just think sex with friends is so obvious. You don't have a romantic relationship but a friendship (a good one) is still a very nice and deep connection. I have been surprised how fine it felt to be in the arms of a very good friend, even though he is not my type of guy and smokes (I did make him wash his mouth every time). Absolutely not in love. We just have a such connection. I think it might happen again.
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  #166  
Old 08-05-2014, 03:54 AM
lili lili is offline
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When I hear this question it sounds like, I wear pants...so am I not a girl? Poly can be lots of things, in my opinion. True, you have to draw the line somewhere... some people like the term polyfuckerous if they are more casual with their polyamory but... hey I like expanding boxes. YMMV
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  #167  
Old 08-06-2014, 09:30 PM
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James and I were discussing this very topic the other day. Both of us still being new to poly, we're still learning as we go and we had a big learning experience with Ellie, who we just ended things with.

I am learning that everyone does poly their own way, and I was questioning whether there is a real difference between poly and swinging and what constitutes being a slut. We have not had a lot of sexual partners between the both of us in the past, and Ellie has had hundreds.

What people want to do with their lives, is their business. I feel bad in saying that we both judged Ellie's very active swinging life, but we did. It was a shock to us how many people she had been with and some of the risky behavior she has engaged in... not to mention the things we don't know about that she had done. She told us snidely that we better get used to dating people like her in this lifestyle.

It really made James and I think that what we are looking for is a poly-fi relationship. We simply don't have any desire to be with someone who is sleeping with the entire town and then some. That's fine is she wants to do that, but it just doesn't work for us.

To me, a slut is someone who sleeps with anyone who will give them the time of day and does so in an unsafe manner, not caring about the ramifications or exposing other partners to potential disease. I wouldn't call someone who is having safe sex with many people a slut, I would just call them promiscuous and there's nothing wrong with that.
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  #168  
Old 08-07-2014, 02:34 AM
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Hmmm.

According to my Mormon upbringing, Jesus counseled us to love everyone, even our enemies. If we suppose that this counsel is both sound and realistic, then we should all love a lot of people, including those with whom we are slutty. Since polyamory is literally translated to mean "many loves," then those with whom we are slutty must certainly be in a polyamorous relationship with us. So, sluttiness must be a subset of poly. Raise your hand if you're following my logic. [sneaks tongue out of cheek]

Nobutseriously folks, I both realize that everyone is free to define any word however they see fit, and that a word with "love" in its translation will have fuzzy outlines no matter how hard we try to pin it down. Having said that, and FWIW, the conversations I've had on poly forums over the past six years have led me to believe that polyamory is generally defined as, "the state of being, willingness to be, or inclination to be, part of a romantically-connected group of more than two adults, with the full knowledge and consent of all the adults in the group." It's a working definition based on my experience so far, and as specific as I think it needs to be while still leaving room for interpretation.

I've long known that people disagree on what polyamory means, but this thread has taught me that the issue is more emotionally charged than I used to think.
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  #169  
Old 08-07-2014, 12:43 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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I embrace the word "slut," as in I really, really, really enjoy and crave sex. However, I do find myself turned off by people who just give it away. I don't think this is a moral judgment on people who like to have sex indiscriminately or without emotions involved--if anything, I'm kind of jealous. I know I could have so much more sex if I didn't feel the need for intimacy, friendship, dating, etc.

When I was a young woman, I had a lot of sex indiscriminately, just to have sex. Now that I've been there/done that, I've become much more discerning in my middle age. I definitely would prefer some kind of polyfi arrangement, ultimately, where the people I have sex with do not have several other partners. I want to feel like sex is something special between us, and, of course, I feel less worried about STDs.
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