Online Dating...When to Mention Poly?

[ManofDiscovery]

So I got an email either today or yesterday from a very cute Asian girl in her mid 20s saying that I sounded perfect for her.

Being as I love to fish for compliments I asked specifically what it was that appealed so much...and it turned out that she emailed me because my profile said I was polyamorous, and she didn't like the hassle of mono relationships!

Now admittedly I would have preferred if she said 'you look damn hot in your pics'...but I was still pleased that there are girls out there, albeit a very small % of them, that see this and think 'this is for me'.

[SchrodingersCat]

Originally Posted by ManofDiscovery

I was still pleased that there are girls out there, albeit a very small % of them, that see this and think 'this is for me'.

From what I've seen, the majority of members on this forum are female... I don't know if that's indicative of the the general population, or only of people who go on polyamory fora, but it definitely proves that there are girls out there who think "this is for me."

I might even go a step further and argue that as far as polyamory specifically is concerned, females outnumber males. Biologically, men are driven to spread their seed and women are driven to pair bond for the protection of their young. As much as we humans like to pretend we're so evolved from our stone age ancestors, we're really not. Our instincts are identical, only our experience and knowledge differs. So a woman who can pair bond with more than one mate stands a much better chance of providing food and security for her offspring. Of course, I'm just making this all up. I'm reading Clan of the Cave Bears right now, so prehistoric humans are forefront in my mind these days.

[MeeraReed]

Originally Posted by ManofDiscovery

So I got an email either today or yesterday from a very cute Asian girl in her mid 20s saying that I sounded perfect for her.

Being as I love to fish for compliments I asked specifically what it was that appealed so much...and it turned out that she emailed me because my profile said I was polyamorous, and she didn't like the hassle of mono relationships!

Now admittedly I would have preferred if she said 'you look damn hot in your pics'...but I was still pleased that there are girls out there, albeit a very small % of them, that see this and think 'this is for me'.

Yes, poly women exist, and they are the ones you should be trying to meet if you specifically don't want a monogamous relationship.

I'm a little confused as to why you'd prefer her to want you for your looks as opposed to wanting you for relationship-style compatibility...would you rather she said, "You're so hot I'll tolerate all your other relationships just for the privilege of being with you!" (Of course not.)

In general, women in online dating are not going to be contacting anyone to tell them their "pics are hot." I can't tell you how many idiotic messages I've deleted that say nothing but "wow you look so hot in your pics." Ew.

Also, if you would like to date this cute girl, you may want to think carefully about not singling out the fact that she is Asian (something that you mentioned even though it is totally not relevant).

[GalaGirl]

Also, if you would like to date this cute girl, you may want to think carefully about not singling out the fact that she is Asian (something that you mentioned even though it is totally not relevant).

Interesting. Because I think in dating partner, noting "Asian" is important. People come with their family of origin culture stuff and that could affect compatability. It's also easy chitchat for date openers -- "My family culture is____. Tell me more about yours. " Maybe it is easy chitchat for ME because I'm multiethnic? I dunno. People always are asking me "So... what blend ARE you?" It doesn't seem like a biggie to me.

I'm more concerned about "don't want to deal with the hassle of monoshipping" --- what hassle? It's the same skills, just more players. If anything polyshipping has more "hassles" because you are trying to get along with more people!

Does she mean SWINGING when she says "poly?" Which is fine if that's what she wants. Then I could see it being less "hassle" to her because it never meant as anything beyond playdate recreational sex. But that may or may not be what ye seek... so could check up on that.

But in general -- yay! You got responsiveness. That's good.

Galagirl

[BoringGuy]

Originally Posted by GalaGirl

Interesting. Because I think in dating partner, noting "Asian" is important. People come with their family of origin culture stuff and that could affect compatability. It's also easy chitchat for date openers -- "My family culture is____. Tell me more about yours. " Maybe it is easy chitchat for ME because I'm multiethnic? I dunno. People always are asking me "So... what blend ARE you?" It doesn't seem like a biggie to me.

Except there is one thing wrong with that reasoning:

"Asian" is not a "culture". By the way, "African" is also not a "culture". Neither is "Latin" a "culture". "European" is also not a "culture". Those are CONTINENTS, not CULTURES (although "Latin" is not a continent but usually refers to South America and/or the Caribbean region). There are MANY "cultures" within those broad ethnic and geographical delineations.


-=-=-=-

I laugh inside when guys fall for the "cute Asian girl in her mid-20's" stereotype. Let's say, even if she DOES exist... Oh never mind. Keep us all posted on the hot Asian chick in her mid 20's. Let us know how it goes. I'm interested. what the heck.

[ManofDiscovery]

Originally Posted by BoringGuy

Except there is one thing wrong with that reasoning:

"Asian" is not a "culture". By the way, "African" is also not a "culture". Neither is "Latin" a "culture". "European" is also not a "culture". Those are CONTINENTS, not CULTURES (although "Latin" is not a continent but usually refers to South America and/or the Caribbean region). There are MANY "cultures" within those broad ethnic and geographical delineations.


-=-=-=-

I laugh inside when guys fall for the "cute Asian girl in her mid-20's" stereotype. Let's say, even if she DOES exist... Oh never mind. Keep us all posted on the hot Asian chick in her mid 20's. Let us know how it goes. I'm interested. what the heck.

Thanks for setting both me and GG straight. You know we all value your wisdom here. Thanks again!

[ManofDiscovery]

Originally Posted by MeeraReed

Yes, poly women exist, and they are the ones you should be trying to meet if you specifically don't want a monogamous relationship.

I'm a little confused as to why you'd prefer her to want you for your looks as opposed to wanting you for relationship-style compatibility...would you rather she said, "You're so hot I'll tolerate all your other relationships just for the privilege of being with you!" (Of course not.)

In general, women in online dating are not going to be contacting anyone to tell them their "pics are hot." I can't tell you how many idiotic messages I've deleted that say nothing but "wow you look so hot in your pics." Ew.

Also, if you would like to date this cute girl, you may want to think carefully about not singling out the fact that she is Asian (something that you mentioned even though it is totally not relevant).

It was a joke...but thanks anyway. Maybe it doesn't translate across the Atlantic.

So I had an email ready for her 'OMG U SO HAWWWT DOGG I ONLY LIKE US COS YOU ASIAN LOLZ!!!'

Are you saying that I shouldn't be sending that?

[BoringGuy]

Originally Posted by ManofDiscovery

Thanks for setting both me and GG straight. You know we all value your wisdom here. Thanks again!

You're Welcome! So, you WILL keep us posted, then?

[ManofDiscovery]

Originally Posted by BoringGuy

You're Welcome! So, you WILL keep us posted, then?

In fairness, I will try...but will most likely forget. You may have to prod me.

[GalaGirl]

"Asian" is not a "culture". By the way, "African" is also not a "culture". Neither is "Latin" a "culture". "European" is also not a "culture". Those are CONTINENTS, not CULTURES (although "Latin" is not a continent but usually refers to South America and/or the Caribbean region). There are MANY "cultures" within those broad ethnic and geographical delineations.

I have to beg your pardon, BG, but I have to differ. "Asia, Europe, Africa" and so on are the continents. "Asian, European, African," etc are the adjectives one could use to describe people, food, music, art, cultures, etc. from these continents.

My use of "Asian" was intended like this... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asian... the short for "Asian culture" or "the culture of Asia" because I was too lazy to write it out all the way last night.

I just went with the broad geographic way of listing culture rather than by ethnicity last night cuz that's how I felt like last night too. *shrug*

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outline...es_of_cultures

Then I abruptly veered off into "family culture" without a good transition sentences in between so it could read wiggy. Fuzzy patient brain, and too late an hour. Ah, well.

Though it reminds me that once a guy struggled to figure out my ethnic background... He hemmed and hawed and finally asked my what my "orientation" was and I said "bi, poly" and he turned bright red and said "Um... I thought maybe Japanese or something..."

That was amusing watching him change colors. Hee hee.

Galagirl