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  #1  
Old 03-07-2013, 04:05 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Default why we're with who (BG from another thread)

Hi!

BoringGuy said this and it got me thinking. (didn't want to hijack the other thread)
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Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
My whole take on this anxiety attack is, why are you with someone if you have to pretend to be interested in things you don't care for just to keep them in the same room with you? Doesn't sound like much fun and i'd probably still leave once i realized you're not really into it. But if you are such a wonderful person that we want to be together, we'll be together no matter how many hobbies or activities we do separately.
I have been thinking on this. FBF and I don't deeply share many interests. We're generally interested in lots of things. He's very into gaming, and video in particular; and science, and the desert, and photography. We do like a road trip.

Mostly, I feel sane, and real, and deliriously happy to be with him. I've been trying to analyze that, perhaps I shouldn't. It leads to unproductive thoughts, like what the hell does he see in me.

So, I like that. We're such wonderful people we want to be together, regardless of what we're into separately.

Thoughts? Stories? Are you mismatched? Peas in a pod?
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  #2  
Old 03-07-2013, 04:15 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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You've seen me, MC, and TGIB together, so I'll bet you already know my answer to this.

While we may not be peas in a pod about everything (we don't always have the same taste in movies, music, hobbies, etc) we have MANY similarities in our senses of humor, our beliefs, and how we want to spend our time in general (prioritizing family over a social life, for instance). I think that provides us with a very strong foundation for enmeshing our lives the way we have/are aiming towards, and makes the preferences we don't share with the others minor.

As TGIB just said, reading this over my shoulder: "We may not be peas in a pod, but we're in the same garden!" :P
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Old 03-07-2013, 06:35 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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For the most part it's about sense of humor and being to relax around the person. We do share some recreational activities but i don't find it necessary to do things that bore me just to log hours with them.

And vice versa, you can have a million extracurricular interests in common with someone and still not make very good partners, no matter how much you looooove them.
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Old 03-07-2013, 01:23 PM
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Malfunktions Malfunktions is offline
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Default Nerd and the flake

C and I are very different. I'm a head in the sky kinda gal and he's very much grounded. He's a science nerd, prospector, has his own business, on the straight and narrow.
But we compliment each other well. I am always needing someone to focus me and ground my mind. Whereas, he needs someone to lighten him up or else he'll slip slowly into minor inventing obsessions.

At first, we had so many things in common. Canoeing, camping, hiking, etc. It didn't last long though. We got prego and that all seemed to go to hell. All of a sudden we spend a lot if time doing our own things but its not a bad thing. We have freedom and the time we do spend together is spent cuddling on the couch watching a movie or something.

Very diff people can match.
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  #5  
Old 03-07-2013, 09:14 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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Fly and I have a lot in common. We both love to travel, have similar views regarding politics and being global citizens, enjoy some of the same music, both have an interest in healthy food and local food systems, we're both atheists, we agree in our parenting strategies, blah blah blah. But we don't actually do a lot together. We go out to dinner or ball games for dates, and travel together, but on a day-to-day basis we have our own stuff. I think we mesh well because on a large philosophical level, there aren't any conflicts, but we are independent enough to have something to talk about at the end of the day.

I'm with Fly because we make a great life team, because we create joy together, because we feed off each each other's energy and because it feels like our souls are in harmony. I feel like he values who I am and what I contribute to the world and specifically to his life. With him, I can be authentically me.

Moonlight and I have less in common philosophically, and she's a bit clingier than Fly, which is one of the reasons I probably would never live with her. Next door would be awesome, but our life views are different enough, and our need for personal time is different enough that there would be friction if we were in the same household. She and I have much more in common on a day-to-day basis, both enjoying theatrical and musical performances, weekend road trips, shopping, reading. We both also enjoy traditional romance, which Fly does not at all.

Moonlight and I work because we enjoy each other's company, because she's fun to be with, sexually attractive, and a sweet generous woman who takes care of everyone around her. She spoils me with attention, and I love to spoil her back.

So, I guess having hobbies and things like that can be fun, but I feel like broad, worldview-type things are more important as far as being in sync with a lover or partner.
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  #6  
Old 04-06-2013, 02:08 AM
Wants2BEqual Wants2BEqual is offline
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  #7  
Old 04-06-2013, 03:43 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
Thoughts? Stories? Are you mismatched? Peas in a pod?
If I were to sit down and make a top 5 list of personality traits I would never date, my husband would probably have all 5.

I honestly don't know what draws us together, but I kinda like that. When someone is "too perfect," I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. "What are they hiding? Who are they, really?"

The fact that my husband and I can be so open about our disagreements and differences assures me that neither of us is hiding some deep, dark secret.

That being said, we do have the same sick sense of humor. Yeah, all those things that are really inappropriate and not for polite company? Totally hilarious.

His daughter put it perfectly. "You guys are both crazy. It's lucky you found each other because there's no way anyone else could put up with you." Little does she know... *wink*
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Old 04-06-2013, 05:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
For the most part it's about sense of humor and being to relax around the person.
What makes a relationship effortless (my goal) certainly seems to be centered around something closer to a "style" than any individual trait. IV is graceful, charming, clever, independent, ridiculous (in the best possible way), driven; but I'm not sure which of these traits (if any) would qualify as what makes us work together so well. She calls it a style, and believes that complimentary styles is what is required for a relationship to work out without being man-handled.

Sharing primary (or all) personal interests is irrelevant. My primary hobby since I was 16 has been table top role-playing. I run games, play them, even create and modify them; it's what you might call my passion. IV has exactly zero interest in being involved in them... at all. She finds my (very brief) stories about them to be entertaining but has no interest in learning more or becoming involved in any way. This has no effect on our ability to connect or enjoy each others company. In fact, I would say it is fortunate she is not involved in this aspect since it gives us a built in thing that we always do separately.

We have other interests in common; in-depth conversations, a number of movies, orgasms, etc. So we have plenty of things to entertain ourselves with. What makes us work is this illusive "style" which I have yet to identify.
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Old 04-06-2013, 07:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
Hi!

BoringGuy said this and it got me thinking. (didn't want to hijack the other thread)


I have been thinking on this. FBF and I don't deeply share many interests. We're generally interested in lots of things. He's very into gaming, and video in particular; and science, and the desert, and photography. We do like a road trip.

Mostly, I feel sane, and real, and deliriously happy to be with him. I've been trying to analyze that, perhaps I shouldn't. It leads to unproductive thoughts, like what the hell does he see in me.

So, I like that. We're such wonderful people we want to be together, regardless of what we're into separately.

Thoughts? Stories? Are you mismatched? Peas in a pod?
me and G are very much alike, we both like games, comics, zombies and the same taste in music, we enjoy the same things and it goes the same way with A, he and gaz are alike in many ways and that is why I love them both, we never run out of things to talk about, despite a is 2 years younger than me I wouldn't know!
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  #10  
Old 04-06-2013, 11:47 AM
Nox Nox is offline
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Wife and I are very similar and it works really well. Even when we don't have the same interest, we both enjoy learning about the other person so much that we like to partake in their adventures regardless of our interest in the topic at hand.

T and I have mostly different interests, but there's still an overlap in music, literature, social gatherings, and sex. I would guess that if we were actually around each other more often it would be more of a problem.
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