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Old 03-05-2013, 03:27 PM
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franchescasc franchescasc is offline
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Default Another Update

Things have been going really well, and mostly without bumps. I'm learning to be more open about how I'm feeling with MD instead of being scared it might scare her away. Which it might, but if it does, then it's not going to work. Not to say that I tell her every little obsession that comes to mind, just the things I've reflected on and I find important to communicate.

We had a great night Sunday, MD and her daughter came over for dinner with our whole family. We worked in the kitchen together, lightly sneaking in touches here and there. But overall, it was just amazing to see MD and FJ interacting and laughing together and feeling so loved. It was all so natural, the kids all got along and had a great time. All my favorite people were together, it was so nice. It was the first time we've all been together alone and not in a public venue of some sort. At the dinner table, my 7 year old exclaimed: "This is the best Sunday ever!"

MD and I also had our date night last night. We had a great time, never stopped laughing and we were totally relaxed. There was only very casual hand holding since we were in public most of the time, but just the time and affection of her attention was enough. Our connection is so intensely special to me. I feel lucky that she's in my life.

Staying in the moment and not worrying to much about the future can be hard. Especially after the judgement and fallout coming from my best friend after I told her about us. Unfortunately it makes it harder to see a way of being able to be much more open than we are right now in this small town. But alas, it is fine right now, so I'm happy. One day and challenge at a time.
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franchescasc-33, bi female, likely monogomish formerly in triad relationship with:
FJ-36, married 15 yrs
MD-35, gf for 8 months
Currently dating SM, male, 40, monogamous
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  #12  
Old 03-05-2013, 03:41 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Awww, congrats, it's awesome to hear that things are going well!

When it comes to openness and judgement, just remember that most people tend to look harshly upon anything new that seems wrong to them, and soften over time when they see it's not so bad. They need to experience it firsthand to get over their prejudices.

Queer people often go through this when they come out to their families -- painful judgement at first, then acceptance over time. My own mom was very distressed when I came out of the closet about my gf being married, and now, a couple of years later, she's totally fine with it and seems to almost see my gf's baby as a surrogate grandkid.

I'm not saying there's an obligation to come out right now, four months is a short amount of time, just something to keep in mind for the future especially if your gf doesn't end up dating anyone else any time soon... being without another partner she can openly acknowledge, staying in the closet indefinitely, while no fun for anyone, would likely be hardest on her in the long run.
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  #13  
Old 03-05-2013, 06:01 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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My husband also has trust issues and low self-esteem. 6 years into our relationship, and he's still learning how to be open with me. It takes time. Lots of time. Even more time when the cause of those feelings is still involved. In my husband's case, it wasn't until his overbearing mother was cold and buried that he started to let himself relax a bit and be who he wants to be.

One thing I've had to learn is that I can't push him too hard to talk. I tell him that I want to hear what he has to say, and then I have to give him time and space to put his thoughts into words. Half the time, he'll work things out on his own and tell me nothing. It's a work in progress.
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