Mya - I love how we're on really similar vibes at the moment! Yup, this poly deal is quite wonderful when it works
Date with Plinth on Thursday was decadent, carnal, confessional. Two soft puzzle pieces nuzzling, amazed that each permutation of hands and mouths and limbs and thoughts fit so snugly. We dragged his king single mattress onto the ground because the bed frame was squeaky. Shut the windows, turned the music up a little, hoped we weren't disturbing the flatmates in the courtyard. We managed to sleep eventually, more out of prudence than exhaustion, our bodies slick with fuck, sweat, saliva and each other's fantasies. Pleasantly full.
I made it to the pool the next morning, just. In time for a quickie (a 15 min swim as opposed to an hour) but it still felt good. It was a token gesture towards continuing those good disciplines I need and want in my life. This new relationship is luscious, and I desire far more than I can have. I don't want to clamber wildly, to forget my scaffolding.
On Saturday, Grotto, Ocean and I went to a houseparty of one of Ocean (and Menrva)'s colleagues. Bert & Menrva were there too. Menrva still doesn't want to be out to her co-workers, which is quite up to her, however previously this has made Ocean ask me to be secretive as well. The thinking being: if people know he and I are poly, then they may suspect Menrva is poly too (given how much time Ocean spends with her).
I told him I wasn't sure I could be bothered doing that anymore. I enjoy being out too much, and I'm not convinced this deception is necessary. It feels odd to invite Grotto someplace where we have to hide our connection, for no good reason. Basically, Menrva's reasons aren't good enough for me. Selfish? Maybe. Though I don't think she minded. It was more Ocean wanting to be cautious on her behalf.
Finally had The Conversation with Bert. A simple "so how's this going for you?" We didn't talk for long, but I was really happy to be upfront, and I feel far more connected to him as a person now. I'm not great with moderation, and having this artificial boundary of not talking about poly (especially as it was the main reason we were connecting in the first place!) hadn't helped me to feel expansive and open with him. In a funny moment, I felt this rush of tenderness towards him and nearly kissed him! Whoops. I have never been attracted to Bert (and still am not) but I do care for him, and he's been struggling with a few things, so my instincts gushed a bit there. Luckily I checked the impulse, hard. That could have been messy, oh so complicated.
A lazy Sunday, both Ocean and Grotto hung over. I'm perky, restless. Go for a long swim, come back and they're still in bed! We have leftover pizza and coffee for breakfast. Ocean's not in the mood for fooling around in a threesome, but he's suprisingly cheeky. Spanks me. Asks me to fuck Grotto so he can keep reading his book. (Not as a kinky thing, more "you're randy, love, why don't you go bother your other husband for a while and leave me in peace.")
We have a small, resonant apartment with minimal privacy. I'm impressed that we're so comfortable that it's okay to hang out together, even if we're on very different vibes. Respectful negotiation, in good will and good humour. Well. We've clearly come quite far as a triad. And yet, there's more moutain for the trekking and my boots are keen. Epic love
Sunday afternoon, I catch up with some of Grotto's friends to play cards. Plinth is in the vicinity, so I ask him if he wants to drop in for a bit. Note to self: we can't do brief catch-ups at the moment. When I see him, my entire consciousness pours down a funnel of joy, curiosity, lust. I'm captivated by the smell and taste of him, I get lost in his bushfire beard. Gah, I'm smitten.
It's hard to be circumspect, but I need to be. I want to steal time with Plinth but 30 mins becomes three hours as soon as I hold his hand, as soon as his tongue touches mine. Short bursts are possible if we've got fixed commitments pending with other people, but don't work so well if we just have miscellaneous personal tasks to get on to. I must be smart, strategic. Plan proper dates with him, that I actually have time for, and not graze in-between.
So yesterday, although I had a window after finishing work and meeting Ocean, where I could have seen Plinth (who was heading to my area) I left it. It was hard to do! But for the best.
Invited him for dinner at ours tonight. Grotto, Menrva and Bert are coming, Ocean and I are cooking. The whole fucking family If this is polysaturation, I hope we can at least drip any excess into a bucket and use it for watering the plants or something.
Updates on a couple of people not yet mentioned:
- Bijou: She and Grotto have been fluctuating a bit. Close flirty friends, she's not sure what she wants. She seems to like him too much to be able to sustain a casual thing, esp as he feels pretty deeply for her. At the moment, she doesn't want anything serious. It's been hard to find the right balance. Grotto's sometimes pretty cut up about things, but he's mellowed out recently. Occasionally there is conflict, blood on the balcony.
I haven't seen too much of her, but I probably should touch base, as a comradely thing. Especially before I head away. I don't want to leave any festering fears... Her presence swallows me up a little. She's very sensuous, and she relishes the hunt. I'm not into games or drama so my instincts have been to keep my distance.
- Ella: Wrote me a sweet letter. I'm almost finished one to post back. My letter writing has choked recently, incessant life detours. I need to re-establish my path.
But, yeah. She's good to me, good for me. We're doing alright.
Now. Apologies to folks who are following this, but I need to make one final name change. I chose the gloss "Ella" before someone with a very similar name came into my life, and the resemblance has been really confusing me. Definitely makes more sense to pick psuedonyms that aren't commonly used as a name themselves So from now on, Ella = Djuna. Thank you for your patience; I'll adjust the necessary paperwork eventually.