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Old 03-04-2013, 09:58 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,444

Personally I don't see the "not looking" as a form of hubris, thinking I deserve things to fall onto my lap. Kind of the opposite, I think I shouldn't try and "get" other people, and let them decide to come to me, and so instead of working on convincing someone to date me, I'd rather work on myself, through all the things you mentioned.

And when you do all these things, you do meet people, but it's a side-effect of working on becoming a better person. I like this better than the search being an action done for itself with no other purpose than getting someone to date me.

I'm not sure if I'm being clear. In the end I don't think it matters that much, it's just that one method feels too unlike me. I might very well change over time, after all the "just happen to meet someone" method is certainly not efficient as far as I can tell (you don't meet that many people accidentally if you don't go towards them as well). But while I totally get going towards people to be social and a friend (and I realise that more might come out of it), I'm uneasy with the idea of going towards someone with the idea of dating already being there.
It takes me 6 months to a year of being friends with someone before I can tell if I want to date them or not. It doesn't seem to work so well with the dating site model, in which people expect to start dating or move on before that amount of time.
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