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  #671  
Old 03-04-2013, 07:21 AM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Adventurous turns, Annabel! Nothing particular to add/contribute, beyond a thanks again for continuing to share your story, the wild and gentle pulses
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  #672  
Old 03-04-2013, 01:51 PM
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Adventurous turns, Annabel! Nothing particular to add/contribute, beyond a thanks again for continuing to share your story, the wild and gentle pulses
I was about to say something similar, but fuchka said it so well that I'm just agreeing with her. I love reading your stories!
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  #673  
Old 03-05-2013, 05:40 AM
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@Anne -- Thank you, it never hurts to be reminded of that sort of thing, it really is so easy to slip into the wrong mindset about it.

And yeah, getting what you want with one person never seems to be able to take the place of getting it from someone else you badly want it from. I've been witnessing this with Gia and Eric. She has a yen for submission from her partners. She has that from me, moreso than she's always ready to accept. She does not have it at all from Eric, and it continues to pain her. When he manages to yield enough to give it to her just a little, it means the world to her. My submission is a gift she cherishes to the extent she's able, but it doesn't make up for the lack of it from him.

Thanks for the cheers!

@Fuchka & Mya -- Ooh, "the wild and gentle pulses". I like it. And you're welcome, thank YOU, this is a very important thing for me, to be able to get this all out, and knowing that people are reading it and enjoying it makes me that much more likely to actually do it.
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  #674  
Old 03-05-2013, 06:11 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Things that make you realize that you're a bit of a slut: when you count the number of non-overlapping threesomes you've been in, and it's more than the number of individual people your gf has been with EVER. And your gf currently has three partners.
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  #675  
Old 03-05-2013, 06:52 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Gia and I went to the gym together last night and did an excellent yoga class together. At the end, we meditated. I find that when I meditate after physical exertion, my mind is particularly clear. It's a very nice thing generally, but sometimes having a blank mind means things can slip in that you were trying not to think about. I've cried before during post-yoga meditation.

It happened again this time, tears silently slipping down my cheeks. Not a gross, congesting, convulsing crying jag, but a quiet, open, contemplative sort of release. A mourning.

I was thinking about how I used the idea that Gia wasn't very interested in sex as a crutch to make things easier, which was a mistake. And about how I'd done the exact same thing with Eric on an emotional level. I'd told myself he just wasn't wired to love anyone but Gia, and that was why he simply saw me as a friend. Now, with Helen as with Dexter, once again the crutch is being kicked away and I've got to stand on my own two feet.

I wiped my eyes before we sat up, and I don't think Gia saw any tears. But I suddenly frowned as the last of the emotion hit me, and she asked if something was wrong. I said no, but she asked again. "I just have some things on my mind," I told her.

Shortly thereafter, in the sauna, I admitted that it had been hard for me, learning about Eric's feeling for Helen. She told me that he's not sure how he feels, but that he's open to discovering that it's love. I can hardly begrudge him that, I thought to myself. She went on to talk about the gf they'd once mutually dated, Jen, and how she had, without Gia's knowledge, been downright emotionally abusive to him for a time. Had demanded that he dissect his feelings for her, yelled at him when they didn't match her desires, threatened suicide on multiple occasions and left all sorts of scars and sore spots on his heart. I'd known a lot of that, not necessarily all.

I'm not trying to trade one crutch for another, but... well, I can certainly understand why he wouldn't want to develop feelings for his wife's next gf. Maybe it was easier to relax with someone he was seeing independently, someone he'd have more ability to keep at arm's length if need be. Argh, why do I always need to strive to *understand*? Just let it be.

Anyway, it was a good night, all in all. I feel like I'm processing this in a way that makes sense for me. The four of us (G, E, B, and I) hung out together afterwards and had dinner. It didn't hurt to see him or idly chat with him. It's funny how something can hurt and not hurt at the same.
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  #676  
Old 03-06-2013, 11:16 PM
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So, this thread just dredged up every insecurity I've ever had about being in a secondary relationship with someone who has a primary partner (I don't mean to call anyone out, but it's much simpler to link to the thread than to explain all the nuances).

I messaged Eric right away and said "Hey, feel free, by the way, to tell me if I'm ever overstaying my welcome, like if I come to do one thing and end up staying all night, like I often do, and you'd actually rather just hang with Gia. I won't be offended. " And he was like "Aw, it's cool of you to check in, but don't worry, that's not been the case at all, and I'd totally tell you if it ever were."

*sigh of relief*

My people are the best people.
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  #677  
Old 03-09-2013, 03:11 AM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
So, this thread just dredged up every insecurity I've ever had about being in a secondary relationship with someone who has a primary partner (I don't mean to call anyone out, but it's much simpler to link to the thread than to explain all the nuances).

My people are the best people.
Yeah, that thread is making me sad too. I think I have to stop reading it.

I'm really enjoying your blog, by the way. I'm very inspired by the way you process your emotions (i.e. releasing anger by yourself, in a way that would look like a crazy person to observers, which allows you to feel it and move past it).
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Last edited by MeeraReed; 03-09-2013 at 03:14 AM.
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  #678  
Old 03-09-2013, 03:32 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Yeah, that thread is making me sad too. I think I have to stop reading it.

I'm really enjoying your blog, by the way. I'm very inspired by the way you process your emotions (i.e. releasing anger by yourself, in a way that would look like a crazy person to observers, which allows you to feel it and move past it).
Thanks!

I actually hesitated to post any of that here. There's an urge in me sometimes to just talk about the good stuff and downplay anything negative. I try always to ignore that urge... I mean, if I can't be honest here, where can I be honest? It's more of a struggle in my real life.

I've chosen not to make theater my career, but I did study it for a good while, and I still perform from time to time. As such, I feel like I'm a decently good actor. Combine that with not being prone to speaking before I think, and the end result is that if I want to act like I'm not upset about something, it's almost never a problem to do so.

On the one hand, that leads to really good things, like being able to not cause drama in the club and instead walk away and work shit out for myself. I agree, that was the right way to handle that, and it's really nice to know you found inspiration in it. If I hadn't been able to find some way to get past what I was feeling in the moment, which I knew objectively was unfair anyway, I couldn't have gone on to have the amazing experience that I did with Gia and Dex.

There's a way in which the idea of causing drama is seductive. If I just blew up, everyone would see how strong I'd been up until then, Eric would know how strongly I feel about him, my feelings would be front and center and everyone would care. Yeah right. If there are things that I would benefit from talking about, I can talk about them rationally, in a way that doesn't hide my feelings but doesn't make anyone feel terrible and doesn't ultimately drive them away from me. Everyone DOES care. Seeing me act foolish will NOT magically make Eric love me. Get outta here, fleeting and perverse occasional desire to raise hell.

Of course, the dark side of having fairly good control over your reactions is that it's completely possible to wait way, way too long to say something, and/or to downplay the intensity of your feelings when you do get around to talking about them. The thread that we've both been referencing is a prime example of why not to do that. I try to keep an eye on myself and do that as little as I can manage, especially knowing, as I mentioned above, that I like to focus on the positive and tend sometimes to downplay/dismiss the negative. Blogging here helps keep me honest with myself, so to speak.
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Last edited by AnnabelMore; 03-09-2013 at 03:38 PM.
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  #679  
Old 03-11-2013, 02:56 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Ahhhhhhhh, so, this weekend it'd been a month since my formal split from Davis, so I went ahead and updated my OKC profile, not intending to do anything with it per se, just to update it. But then I happened to find a cute, smart, musically-inclined, queer kinky poly somewhat-genderqueer guy who's a ridiculously good match with me by OKC's algorithms. I messaged him, and now we have a coffee date next week, how did this happen, I don't go on dates with strangers, not ever, I just hook up with my friends or occasionally really cool people I meet at parties and sometimes it turns into a relationship, what even, dates with a stranger from the internet, what. He told me today that his partner was teasing him about being excited about the date, seems like a good sign.

We have, like, a dozen or so mutual acquaintances, as it turns out, which would've been frankly shocking if it weren't the case, this being a fairly small city with a tight-knit community of weirdos, so at least I'm not worried that he's going to put something in my coffee and ferry me away to axe-murder/rape me. Axe murder is a hard limit for me.

Mya, I feel like our lives are weirdly parallel. Not to jinx it, but I can only hope things work out as crazy well for me as they did for you.
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  #680  
Old 03-11-2013, 03:24 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Axe murder is a hard limit for you? You're doing poly all wrong!

Crosses fingers for your date!
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