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  #11  
Old 02-28-2013, 08:32 PM
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Malfunktions Malfunktions is offline
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Wink

Ha ha ha! Believe it or not OUR HEADLIGHT IS GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING RIGHT NOW!
Ok, so maybe duct tape fixes what's not as important but in reference to the canoe/crack paradigm I'd rather spend the days patching it than be in the middle of the river sinking... Swimming? Not my forte

Yes, relationships deserve the time and effort! I feel bad that I never even thought that C would think he was not enough. A few days after our "talk" and he's back to joking. "Wouldn't it be nice to be in a sandwich right now." Or "Imagine the entanglement we'd face when we woke up each morning."
So, in retrospect, breaking down and enduring the messiness of me crying and babbling was beneficial because we got to discuss our motivations to our decisions as well as our desires.

Everything is much better.

Duct tape not required.
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  #12  
Old 03-01-2013, 03:28 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Malfunktions View Post
Ha ha ha! Believe it or not OUR HEADLIGHT IS GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING RIGHT NOW!
- that, my friend, is TOO funny!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malfunktions View Post
So, in retrospect, breaking down and enduring the messiness of me crying and babbling was beneficial because we got to discuss our motivations to our decisions as well as our desires.

Everything is much better.

Duct tape not required.
I'm glad things are much better. Sometimes things come to a head before you recognize that there is an issue - at that point nothing to do but lance it and let it all out. Yes it's messy, but ... sometimes that's what it takes to heal and move on in your new-found knowledge.

(I like to keep the duct tape handy though...)

Jane("Also-a-fan-of-zip-ties-and-band-clamps")Q
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #13  
Old 03-01-2013, 08:15 AM
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Zip ties are way too fragile. Trust me on that one.
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I am as direct as a T-Rex with 'roid rage and about as subtle. It isn't intended to cause upset, I just prefer to talk plain. There are plenty of other people here who do the nice, polite thing much better than I can. I'm what you'd call a "problem dinner guest."
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  #14  
Old 03-01-2013, 02:18 PM
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Malfunktions Malfunktions is offline
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Lol if your holding back a human maybe but they work just fine for mufflers!
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  #15  
Old 03-01-2013, 02:49 PM
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Malfunktions Malfunktions is offline
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Lol "lance it and stick it out"

Sounds like the preverbal band aid pull. Or... Popping a blister....

************


Tonight is C's brothers b-day. I told him he was free to play. He looked at me like I had two heads and asked in a very squeaky voice, "really?". I replied "yes, really."

I'm not a tyrant and the only place I'm dominant is at my job, I work for the Canadian army cadet program. I'm otherwise, a very submissive personality. So, it doesn't bother me that he didn't really believe me. He's nervous now. This his first "hunt" ::lol:: with out me making the decisions and moves. Approaching women for a reason other than conversation really isn't his strong suit. Lol he wishes I was going too but I'm only one of the guys when his brother isn't involved. His brother doesn't openly begrudge me but we all know he holds me responsible for C's maturation. I guess it's my fault C has his own business and his own hobbies and not every waking minute to wait on baby brother.
8 years between them and I think baby brother feels C owes his everything. I mean he's given him a job which C hopes "brother" will step up someday so they can start up a new team and "brother" could run it. He bails him out of financial woes, feeds his beer needs, drives him everywhere. As if "brother" feels entitled.
This really hurts C, I can see it. I wish I could say something but this isn't my position. I stay out of it because one day 5 years ago I opened my mouth and said something snarky without thinking. Even though it was the truth ad C agrees it had to be said, "brother" got pissed off and left. Later he called us to come help him get his car unwrapped from the telephone pole. Drunk.
He isn't as much anymore but he used to be detrimental to C and I's relationship. C couldn't talk about me. Not even to say something like, " Mal's taking the boys (anywhere) ...."
I admit that if Chris were to chat up a girl tonight "brother" will ENCOURAGE him to cheat and proceed to devalue me.
C will set him straight and everything but still. Now that I think about it, maybe having "brother" around and drunk is NOT the time to date. He has a huge mouth and doesn't care who gets hurt in his drunken haze cause he's having fun.

I'm gonna mention that to C... See what he thinks.

I always think better this way. Thanks for trying to follow!
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Me: bi, reformed wild-child turned mom and house maid LOL
Crux: straight/hypersexual, possibly mono?
BC: our son, 5 years
CM: second son 9 months.
Mouse: girlfriend! Status new, feelings not so much.
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  #16  
Old 03-02-2013, 02:44 AM
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Malfunktions Malfunktions is offline
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Exclamation So nervous I could toss cookies

So upon leaving the house for tonight's debacles, C hugs me, kisses me, and does our normal "oh your leaving" routine.

The only difference this time?

"Go! Flirt to your hearts content! Enjoy yourself! I love you."

Was easy to say.

....at the time.

No, I'm not jealous, nor am I wondering if something better will slap him in the face. What I'm nervous about is if he'll actually do it.

Will he put forth the effort than I am?
Or does he still feel skeevy about it and just won't tell me?
Will he embrace our decision or chicken out?
Will he attempt then regret?


Unless I send him a barrage of texts, which I'm not going to do, I can't know. My stomachs in knots. Anticipation is killer.

Oh, God! There's waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many variables!!!

I think I've spent half an hour brushing my hair.......
Drank a litre of red wine (coincidentally is the same colour as my hair so now I'm getting my brush again.)

I'm a little OCD when nervous.. I've already re-aligned the movies, DVDs, cd's alphabetically. Written half a song. Set and re-set the PVR to make sure we don't miss is weeks shows. Neurotically, re-inventing another way of addressing this topic to him.

Am I being daft or naive? Am I over reacting?
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Me: bi, reformed wild-child turned mom and house maid LOL
Crux: straight/hypersexual, possibly mono?
BC: our son, 5 years
CM: second son 9 months.
Mouse: girlfriend! Status new, feelings not so much.
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  #17  
Old 03-02-2013, 04:48 PM
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Malfunktions Malfunktions is offline
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Ok it's 1:00pm the next day and he's not home yet but on his way. I calmed down just so you know. I went to sleep or fell into a wine coma, either way, and woke up this morning wondering WTH I was so stressed about.

Back to normal, well other than the tiniest feeling of butterflies but that's it.
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Me: bi, reformed wild-child turned mom and house maid LOL
Crux: straight/hypersexual, possibly mono?
BC: our son, 5 years
CM: second son 9 months.
Mouse: girlfriend! Status new, feelings not so much.
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  #18  
Old 03-10-2013, 05:12 PM
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Malfunktions Malfunktions is offline
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Default Conflicted much?

So I'm going to the movies with a really cute girl she's way younger.. Like 20 and I'm 27, nervous? Not really cause we both stated we're just looking to hang out but we've been texting.
We have crazy amounts in common and she's quirky like me.
I don't have many friends because I'm a push over so I let them use me up til they are ready to move on. Girls don't particularly like me cause I'm one of the boys with out being a tomboy, I'm not that pretty but I know how to flirt, i'm not crazy psychotic like most girls around here, the list goes on..

What this post is about is how after 6 years of monogamy and parenting, I'm 100% positive I'm missing. I've lost myself. Is it right for me to project who I used to be in memory, And want to be back to? If not, than who am I supposed to be?

Conflicted.

I'm a very good suppressor and I can act with the best of them

C comes home today from a ski-dooing weekend, I'm gonna ask him what he thinks. Hopefully I remember. Poor hypersexual was stuck in the woods with the dudes. No attention for him
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It's just me, my ramblings and the elevator music in my head.

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Me: bi, reformed wild-child turned mom and house maid LOL
Crux: straight/hypersexual, possibly mono?
BC: our son, 5 years
CM: second son 9 months.
Mouse: girlfriend! Status new, feelings not so much.
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  #19  
Old 03-19-2013, 03:12 PM
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Malfunktions Malfunktions is offline
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Talking Take two

So our movie fell through last week but we are going tonight and I'm so elated! We met for coffee the other day and its been a roller coaster of GOOD emotions.
She younger than originally thought but I'm ok with that. My age is just a number.. I certainly don't act it.

C is more on board with this whole thing. We've been talking much more fluently about this prospect and he has admitted that he knows of one person he'd be interested in reconnecting with. She is nothing like me in the sense that she's loud, out spoken and gruff. She gets her way or else kinda thing. Am I phased? No, we are each others primaries and should we enter to poly with our prospectives than they will be of that knowledge ahead of time.
We've actually been watching Polyamory: Married and Dating and are taking from it what we feel is us, we're also seeing what we don't want.
I am reading The Ethical Slut out of curiosity and he's web surfing knowledge by the bevy.

We've lain our boundaries and at this point are comfortable with each others positions even if, by chance, a triad is not an option we won't be off put by our own Vee's. We are both in agreement that what we choose to do with our prospectives should be under our own discretion but we want as much communication as possible.

E is so gorgeous and to quote a post I came across today about scents, she smells SOO good. I can't wait for our movie tonight!!!!
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It's just me, my ramblings and the elevator music in my head.

OKC Profile

Me: bi, reformed wild-child turned mom and house maid LOL
Crux: straight/hypersexual, possibly mono?
BC: our son, 5 years
CM: second son 9 months.
Mouse: girlfriend! Status new, feelings not so much.
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  #20  
Old 03-23-2013, 01:21 PM
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Malfunktions Malfunktions is offline
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The movie was good but I'm just not feeling it from her.. I did something and I don't know what.. I keep my hands about me, Censure what I want to say, and try to act accordingly but her texting has dropped off she works an insanely difficult work schedule.

On another note, I have a question for all of you in digital land.

Can you really devote yourself to poly if you're a flake?
Cause I am, and I'm not sure if this is my snatch telling me its free to hunt tail or my heart telling me to search for more love.
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It's just me, my ramblings and the elevator music in my head.

OKC Profile

Me: bi, reformed wild-child turned mom and house maid LOL
Crux: straight/hypersexual, possibly mono?
BC: our son, 5 years
CM: second son 9 months.
Mouse: girlfriend! Status new, feelings not so much.
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