Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 02-17-2013, 04:33 AM
Emm's Avatar
Emm Emm is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 745
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by tryingforhim View Post
It doesn't help she has a host of issues herself. He worries she's going to hurt herself if he leaves, and I say well is it smart to have someone in your life that is unstable.
Would he be as willing to stick around if she was threatening to harm someone else if he left? "I'll kill myself" as a threat seems to be more socially acceptable than "I'll kill my neighbour", but really they're pretty much the same - an attempt by person A to hang a life on the line and make it person B's fault when the line breaks. In the latter case it's just more obvious that it's not person B's fault at all.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 02-17-2013, 05:12 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,091
Default

Quote:
It doesn't help she has a host of issues herself. He worries she's going to hurt herself if he leaves, and I say well is it smart to have someone in your life that is unstable. Its all a game, she's using her anxiety and depression issues as a way of keeping him on.

While that is a possibility,
to make an error is judgement is a dead person. Better to be generous and believe people.

So believing that she is suicidal? the thing to do is call 911 or have her check into ER for voluntary commitment. He could call her parents if he's worried she's gonna off herself. Get the hurting patient to health care professionals or to the people (parents) that will take her there.

It is inappropriate to do NOTHING.

YOU could call her or her people with your concerns for her well being.

YOU could give her the
1-800-273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

YOU could ask to see her safety plan so you know who to call in case of emergency on her behalf.

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/Learn/Safety

I know you have polyshipping problems with emotional management and time management and needs not being met. Those are big problems. I am not minimizing them at all.

But all problems take a back seat to "dead woman walking" -- it is a LIFE at risk. So could take steps to get this patient to care. Stop dating because you do not date fragile.

Just step away if dating her time is just NOT the time right now when she's unwell in her head.

Could choose to be a true friend instead and rise to the challenge in APPROPRIATE ways.

My 2 cents,
Galagirl
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 02-18-2013, 09:13 AM
duke duke is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Vegas
Posts: 13
Talking

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emm View Post
"I'll kill myself" as a threat seems to be more socially acceptable than "I'll kill my neighbour", but really they're pretty much the same - an attempt by person A to hang a life on the line and make it person B's fault when the line breaks..
This is the single most significant, poignant and well-put sentence and explanation of suicidal threats I have ever seen or heard. Very well put, Emm.


OP, your husband is going beyond advantage-taking and moving into the victimizing realm. His motivation appears to be about some young sex and not much else. It's horseshit. Set a date, together, by which time he has to make a decision and act accordingly- like a man. Clearly communicate that this current arrangement is unacceptable for you and must change, but that he's free to change it how he sees fit. Your needs and happiness are paramount, period.

When he complains that it isn't fair, calmly remind him that you're carrying children. His children. In all fairness he should understand that his job is to take cre of you.

Best of luck. Hang in there. It can and will get better.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 02-18-2013, 10:45 AM
Emm's Avatar
Emm Emm is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 745
Default

I don't remember the exact words or who posted them, but I stole the gist of it from something I read on a message board recently—quite possibly here.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 02-28-2013, 04:13 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,291
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by tryingforhim View Post
From what I saw, she called me selfish, unreasonable and that I play games to get him to spend less time with her.
Why does your husband allow her to trash-talk you? That is simply not right and HE should be the one to nip that in the bud right from the start. While I would not tolerate a metamour dictating terms of my relationship with someone, there is a thing called respect. And that respect has to go in both directions. No way in hell would I ever say anything remotely negative about a lover's partner unless I thought there was some kind of danger there. And no way in hell would I ever tolerate a lover saying bad things about another lover of mine, especially an established, long-term partner. Have you asked him why he lets her say things like that?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tryingforhim View Post
. . . he is 42, I am 33 and she is 20.
Well, she is obviously a very immature 20 year old. Why is he even going for someone that young and stupid?
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 02-28-2013 at 04:18 AM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:06 AM.