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  #131  
Old 02-21-2013, 01:08 PM
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Ocean didn't get the job in the end, so he will be based here for the next wee while. It's disappointing, but also a relief. Makes the logistics of our love life much simpler for the next couple of years, at least.

Just to muddy the waters though, I applied for a job in a nearby city (jobs in my area of work are quite thin on the ground, so have been looking further afield) and got it. It's a six-month fixed term contract, so although I'll be away from Ocean & Grotto, it won't be for too long.

Grotto's work offers week-long stints in that city, so he may take a few of them in order to see me (yay!) and Ocean has also promised to visit. As for me, I'm looking forward to having some time out by myself. I have friends and family there but I'm not sure where I'll stay. Maybe somewhere completely different. Ah. Adventures.

On the topic of adventures, I had a surprising hook-up recently with someone who opened up about his attraction to me after hearing that Ocean & I were not monogamous. He's beautiful, and smells like the forest. I lust after the sap of his skin. We haven't spent too much time together but oh, it's good. We have a friendship we treasure, so I'm not sure if this is going to be a friends-who-fuck deal - or, as I like to say, "fucking good friends" - or something more romantic. He says he tends to be able to keep the sex-track and the friendship/intimacy-track quite separate, so will see how it goes. We have a massage and movie date pending for next week. My body quickens when I think of it

He's friends with Ocean too, and has met Grotto recently and liked him. Also, he's queer, and I've been fantasising about all the obvious things. Grotto hasn't helped by making sly suggestions of his own. Well, nothing wrong with a lively imagination per se

Grotto & I took a huge hit the other day when I reacted really poorly to a minor miscommunication. It made me crash emotionally, and a number of things tumbled for me and I felt like I didn't want to be with him anymore. An awful, teary conversation later and we realised there were a several things I needed to talk with him about, that had been festering but I didn't realise. It's shaming me a bit, because Grotto absolutely does not bottle anything up. If he feels something, he says it. I try to communicate well, but I sometimes misjudge my thoughts as trivial, and decide not to share when I probably should have. (Incidentally, Ocean is at the other end of the spectrum, rarely sharing if he's upset about anything. So I can sometimes empathise with how Grotto feels vis-a-vis me, by thinking of how I feel when Ocean behaves similarly, in a relative sense)

Ocean's been spending a lot of time with Menrva & Bert. Most of his dates with Menrva seem to be with Bert as well. I don't envy him, though the three of them seem to get along well. He's over at their place watching a movie right now. I've really been enjoying all the space to myself. It's good to come home to an empty house most nights.

This weekend we're going as a whole family (Ocean, Grotto, Menrva, Bert & myself) to a local poly social. Been a while since the five of us hung out, will be interesting. I didn't expect Bert would be keen on something like this... Surely, surely, surely he doesn't intend the DADT to continue? I mean. I've still never directly discussed being poly with him. In a group, we never speak any words to indicate that Bert & Menrva are in an open relationship, or that she is seeing Ocean.

There'll be drinking at the social, and I can see myself bringing shit up with Bert. Either I will, or Grotto. Hah, ah well. I'll do my best to behave. I suppose... Though I'm sure things are settled enough to withstand some accidentally-on-purpose curiousity
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  #132  
Old 02-23-2013, 06:24 AM
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Holy hell, what just happened? New boy, let's call him Plinth, came round to help me with an art project last night. Ocean had to head out, so Plinth & I were home alone. Gah... it got messy but very very good. Perfect timing; he came in a fountain just as Ocean got home. Delicious.

I was due at Grotto's place, so around 1am I headed out. Plinth crashed here. This morning, I came back home and slipped into bed with Ocean. About half an hour later, I shifted to the couch where Plinth was sleeping. The cuddles were luscious.

Then... I made coffee, did the dishes. Plinth and Ocean cooked breakfast. Ocean had had a sore throat the night before. I'd brought home ginger and Plinth made ginger tea with lemon and honey for him. Two caring, generous men in the kitchen together? I melt.

Ocean reluctantly headed off to get some work done... Plinth and I home alone yet again... I can't keep my hands or mouth off him, I surrender to the lust of it. It's so sweet to relax when there's this solid foundation of friendship.

We go marketing for my cousin's birthday tonight. Making some food for the dinner party. Now I'm home again, have to prep a few things. Ocean due back from work soon. Plinth heading back to his place to finish up some tasks, but will be back (I scored him an invite too.) Grotto will meet us there. I'm horny as fuck, and happy as a rainbow with fistfuls of chocolate.

Yeah yeah, NRE. Whatever
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  #133  
Old 02-23-2013, 09:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fuchka View Post
I'm horny as fuck, and happy as a rainbow with fistfuls of chocolate.
Awesome!
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  #134  
Old 02-24-2013, 02:04 AM
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Oooo, sounds very good!
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  #135  
Old 02-24-2013, 02:58 AM
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Thanks rory & Mya. Yeah, things are pretty sweet right now, it's like an uberbirthday.

My cousin's party last night was rad. Ocean, Grotto and Plinth there, heaps of friends old and new, my uncle (who I'm not out to) and my aunt (who I am) were there. I decided not to stress about being careful with what my uncle would see. I figure, I'm confident about what I'm doing, I don't think I'm being bad... Ocean is obviously fine with everything, and the two of us are solid.

If my parents found out about our non-monogamy, things would be bad. However, I've been thinking of maybe not directly coming out to people who I know would judge me, but just behaving however I want to, openly. If they have an issue, they can ask, and I will give honest replies.

Local poly group social event today. Ocean, the in-laws, Grotto and I are doing a five-some, a family day out. This poly social date has made me think again about Menrva & Bert's DADT which has meant I've never had a direct conversation with Bert about the fact that his wife is dating my husband. I mean, he knows I know that he knows etc etc. It's not really about naming the elephant in the room. It's more... I dunno... openness? Communication? Wanting to talk, even a little bit, about how things are going? Release the pressure?

This might be a selfish thing for me. Wanting to poke things I'm not meant to touch.

I have had visions of me having a few drinks and popping the issue with Bert. In fact, I've had a couple of opportunities in the past, e.g. both of us at the bar waiting for our beers, and I really have to stop myself. I'm not sure if I need to... Not sure what the deal is... Anyway, instead of making a call by myself, Ocean suggested that I float this topic with Menrva first. Initially this idea (pre-screening things with Menrva) did not appeal to me. I don't like the concept of getting someone else's permission to have a conversation... between adults... But I realised this was a matter of respecting their relationship and their personal boundaries.

So - I did it. Sent Menrva this in a recent e-mail:


Quote:
Looking forward to seeing you both tonight at the local poly social.

One thing I wanted to flag was something that's been on my mind for a while. It is definitely not a big deal, but it is a small thought that keeps rolling around. I am a very upfront person and I like to talk about things, and make sure things are okay with words. This is often unnecessary, but still feels good! In this situation, I can obviously tell from everyone's behaviour that things are comfortable for you, Bert and Ocean. However, it has been a bit unusual for me to never discuss anything directly with Bert about things. Basically I'd like to ask him how things are, and be open to sharing thoughts/perspectives.

I understand he may not want to talk about things to do with multiple relationships. Therefore I was surprised that he was open to coming to the local poly group social. I feel like I'd really like to have a conversation with Bert about non-monogamy and things around that. Not necessarily today and maybe never, of course. I thought I should mention this thought of mine to you, in case you had anything to reply.

I don't usually ask permission of people before talking to other people... I tend to relate to people individually. But in this case, I'm not sure how to be respectful while still having genuine communication.

No need to reply to this in a hurry, or indeed at all (I'd hate you to feel pressure about what to respond)! As I said, this is not a major issue or bother for me at all, and certainly not anything urgent.
Although it wasn't preying on my mind, or at least not much, I'm glad to have written to her, and I feel a sense of relief about this aspect of our dynamics.
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  #136  
Old 02-24-2013, 03:14 AM
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Ha, she just replied. All is good... Seems the DADT is more about Bert's disinclination to want to talk about personal things very much, rather than not being open to talking about it in principle. So, "DADT" was a poor way to put it, really... I'm glad I brought this up, and no doubt we will discuss more later. Also, as a flow-on effect, this might clarify things for Ocean too. So far he has respectfully avoided any explicit conversation about poly matters, with Bert. I really don't know how much of this is necessary.

Ah, this confusion shit is why I don't like any kind of DADT in the first place. You can't figure out what people actually feel about the things you think you're not meant to be talking about... including whether you can talk about it!

What a lot of tiptoeing around when grandma wasn't even sleeping.
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  #137  
Old 02-25-2013, 02:50 PM
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Sent Plinth links to a couple of articles on polysaturation, that I'd recently re-read (this and this). He liked them, wants to read more. This is his first direct experience of non-monogamy. I'm hoping I can organise enough time to make it good for him, without comprising existing relationships and activities in my life.

Have a movie date with Ocean tomorrow. Date at Plinth's place Thursday night. Work drinks on Friday. Weekend's busy already. Hope Grotto's free to catch up on Wednesday...

But seriously, I don't want to be panicked, having to rush from one person to the other, that's just too hectic. I need to plan things so there's breathing room, time to just spend in my own or other people's company.

So. Each week, I think I need to stay over at Grotto's twice, and maybe see him one other time during the day/evening, have time to myself one or two nights, catch up with Ocean at least one night and one weekend day, which - I think - means I can see Plinth one night a week, if I'm careful? At least one night a fortnight.

This Thursday I'm going around to his after dance class, which is good for me as I rarely have energy for anything much apart from socialising at that time. And it also means it won't start in the early evening, will be more like 8pm, so a night (most probably with very little sleep, ah...) but not the evening too. I want to swim on Friday morning before work, so if I can manage to make it to that, the morning after, it will be a perfect crime. Also, if Plinth is working on Friday, he'll be starting work early, which would suit perfectly for me making it to the pool on time. Mm.

I really don't want to fuck this up.

Had an impromptu Skype date with Ella today. A quickie before she had to go out for dinner. Refreshing. She's beautiful. Haven't told her about Plinth yet, but I will soon... I'm a bit nervous she'll feel deprioritised? It's been tricky enough for us to stay connected (let alone grow our connection) long-distance. I really don't want this new connection with Plinth to detract from whatever trajectory I was on with Ella.

Hopefully the increased difficulty of co-ordinating time etc will make me make time for relationships better. I've found that with Ocean, since he's been busy with Menrva, we actually see each other more often, or at least, more quality time more often. Cos we need to be a strong base for these crazy love acrobatics
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  #138  
Old 02-25-2013, 03:24 PM
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Thanks for the polysaturation links! Happens to be a topic of interest for me too. It's a bit of a challenge to arrange everything, but I'm sure you'll do it well.
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  #139  
Old 02-27-2013, 11:50 PM
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I stole time with Plinth on Tuesday, time I didn't really have. Traded in some me-time between work tasks and dinner (previously set aside for much-overdue letter & e-mail writing, and a long shower) for drinking iced tea with Plinth, holding hands, skating our feet up and down side streets, peering up at the corners of buildings butting bricks against the sky, scouting around to find dry grass in the belly of a city park. I stripped down to my underwear (boxers, sports bra) and lay beside him for longer than was wise. Made it back into town just in time to catch Ocean for our planned dinner date. Foolish, wonderful. Can't repeat too often.

As I scampered from one street corner (kissing a frantic good-bye to Plinth), across two blocks and into Ocean's familiar arms, I thought yet again about how much I am grateful for our wide open love. I was on a high from seeing Plinth, the sweat of his skin all over my body and in my mouth, and I didn't have to hide it. No guilt. No cheating. Pure joy.

I am well loved.
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  #140  
Old 02-27-2013, 11:59 PM
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Originally Posted by fuchka View Post
As I scampered from one street corner (kissing a frantic good-bye to Plinth), across two blocks and into Ocean's familiar arms, I thought yet again about how much I am grateful for our wide open love. I was on a high from seeing Plinth, the sweat of his skin all over my body and in my mouth, and I didn't have to hide it. No guilt. No cheating. Pure joy.

I am well loved.
Aaaw, this sounds amazing! I'm so happy for you and I totally get what you mean with this. It is just so lovely to be able to enjoy more than one person and all of the individual things that make us care about these different people without hiding it. Poly sure can be great.
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