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Old 02-27-2013, 12:53 AM
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naturalblue naturalblue is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 21
Default Lost in a NRE fog, want to make sure marriage isn't affected

Bit of background - Hubby and I have been together for almost 7 years, married for 1 and open for a year and a half. He has a girlfriend and has been with her the entire time we've been open. I have a boyfriend that I've been seeing for about 2 months.

We had a problem earlier this year when I found a message from him to her saying that he loved her so much that he was secretly hoping that I'd develop feelings for someone else so he could be with her. That all worked itself out, as he was fully in NRE and has since realized that he does not want to be married to her (she can be a little nuts sometimes). He still spends most weekends with her, which works out for me now since then I can spend that time with my guy. I am no longer worried that he wants to leave me for her though and we had a bit of a talk about that.

Now, though, it's my turn to be lost in a NRE fog. Things have developed quickly and intensely with my boyfriend and we have both fallen HARD for each other. I think about him constantly, we text all the time and I want to spend as much time as possible with him. Added to this, my boyfriend and I are exploring some things sexually that I have always wanted to do but that my husband has never been into so everything is new and exciting and a giant love fest with the bf.

The end result of this is that I am finding myself less interested in my husband, especially sexually, which concerns me. We have never been 100% sexually compatible, but always had a pretty good sex life with the normal ebbs and flows. It's never been mind-blowing though and, as I mentioned, he has never been into the stuff I wanted to do so we just had normal, albeit good, sex. Now that I'm getting to do what I've always wanted with my boyfriend though, the thought of having normal (boring) sex with my husband is not as appealing. Also, my husband has gained quite a bit of weight over the years and while I'm far from disgusted or unattracted, I'm also not AS attracted to him as I used to be which makes me less inclined to initiate.

I don't want to lose my connection with him though, and am trying to be cognizant and mindful that I am fully in the NRE phase of my new relationship so I thought I'd come to you guys for some tips on how to ensure that my marriage doesn't suffer just because I'm head over heels for my boyfriend. I'm sure a lot of this is normal and to be expected.

To be fair, I do try to check in regularly with my husband about how he feels about all of this and making sure that he does not feel neglected and he tells me that he's fine and that he feels our relationship is stronger than ever so maybe this is all in my head? We haven't had sex a whole lot in the last few weeks though so I worry. I know that he and his gf have a lot of sex so maybe I should just be happy that his sexual needs are being met, even if it's not with me? Maybe he thinks our sex is boring too haha

It's very possible that I'm overthinking this, but I'd rather be safe than sorry.
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