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Old 02-26-2013, 07:07 PM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NW England
Posts: 117
Default Online Dating...When to Mention Poly?

Earlier today I was talking to a girl off plenty of fish.

We were getting on pretty well and a meet was inevitable. I think I mentioned that I get bored of the same thing easily, and she commented that I'd never be happy with one woman if that was the case.

I agreed..and the subject of poly came up (although the word 'poly' was never mentioned).

The discussion was not dissimilar to a link I saw posted on here recently 'a discussion between a poly and a mono person'.

She saw poly as a lack of commitment. I questioned why you couldn't be committed to some and still see other people...she then asked me if I'd be comfortable with my partner doing that. 'Yes', I replied.

'Well I'm sure there's plenty of girls like that on pof, but I'm not one of them. I want more than just friends with benefits, which is essentially what you're offering'.

Then I try to explain why it's not friends with benefits...it can be a committed relationship like any other, but without the unnecessary locked in monogamy...all to no avail.

How do you people approach these discussions? And when would you normally bring them up? And how do you know when you're dealing with someone who isn't going to come on board, no matter what you say, vs someone who needs some time to process what you're saying, but may come around in time?

Also, the argument that keeps coming back (I've had this discussion a few times now) is 'I would feel inadequate if my man had to go elsewhere, like I couldn't provide what he needed'...my response is that it's a big ask for one person to provide all the emotional and sexual needs for one other person. Seems to be met with glazed eyes though.

Last edited by ManofDiscovery; 02-26-2013 at 07:12 PM.
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