Falling in love with someone who's Mono...

[vampiresscammy]

Oh I'm sorry you two. *hugs* I never had the cahones to tell the lady I speak of how I felt, she may or may not know, I have no idea, shes never spoke of it, so I'm hoping she doesn't know. It could easily be one of those shes hoping I never say anything so she doesn't have to let me down easy or whatever. Sigh, can I join you at the bar? We can all drown our sorrows

[NeonKaos]

I'm pretty thankful that I have at least one healthy sane relationship. Can't complain that much!

(The whole wanting-someone-you-can't-have thing is a downer though.)

[Danny40179]

Originally Posted by YGirl

I'm pretty thankful that I have at least one healthy sane relationship. Can't complain that much!

(The whole wanting-someone-you-can't-have thing is a downer though.)

You hit it right on the head. I said from go, that it didn't matter because I have such a happy and healthy home life already with my girls. But damn does it suck when things go awry like that?? BALLS I SAY!! Everyone should just be poly, and that's that! (Really I'm kidding, no I swear!)

[NeonKaos]

It does suck when someone says they don't want you to contact them "for a while".

[StarGazer]

Originally Posted by YGirl

It does suck when someone says they don't want you to contact them "for a while".

I had to do that recently. Well, my friend did it for me, but I ultimately had to. It sucks to do, too. :/

[Danny40179]

Newest update. My friend emailed and texted me and we're back in good standing. I know I need to keep my feelings in check, but damn if I don't get that feeling that it's a little more for her too, but isn't comfortable with that idea. Interesting I say, interesting...

[MonoVCPHG]

Hi everyone. I am hi-jacking a bit from Redpepper's thread on Intimate moments with Lovers because it may relate to this thread. Here is a cut and paste of Danny and my posts. I bring this up because Redpepper and I had a great talk over dinner and we often look at the differences in her poly and my monogamous nature. It is a bit of a repeat from my original post on my Mono/Poly relationship.

Posted by Danny40179
Mono, I wish I could have you talk to someone who just doesn't get the poly lifestyle because she's mono. I'd love to have her as a part of our family, but that will never be. *sigh* Kudos to you for being open minded and understanding and being able to work through the concerns.

My response
Danny, although I wish I had the capacity to help someone understand it I don't. I honestly don't understand how someone loves more than one person intimately but I know it is real. Redpepper and her husband both know that it is my overwhelming love for her that enables me to overcome many challenges.

Sadly, I would probably never recommend a monogamous person to get involved in a polyamorous relationship. I also would not pursue another one if Redpepper and me were to split up either. In fact I would probably avoid any polyamorous person I started having feelings for. I would be honest and communicate but stay distant.

The differences between a mono and poly nature are much more than social in my case. They are fundamental. I have never felt so much love in a relationship but I have also never felt so much uncertainty, fear and pain. If I didn't love Redpepper with all my heart I would have surrendered to these feelings and ran for the hills lol!!

We are all lucky because somehow we were brought together and everything just seems to fall into place. From my love for Redpepper to the love shared between me and everyone in her family, we have been blessed. It is not easy at times but immensely rewarding.

Sorry this probably isn't what you wanted to hear..but I have learned nothing from polyamory if I haven't learned to be honest

[Danny40179]

Mono, you are indeed right. Poly isn't something that you can force on someone. I would never even think to try and do that, but I so freaking wish that she was Poly. I mean she would fit with us so well. And, it doesn't help that I can't control my feelings about her. But, I know that we'll be friends and that's it. Such is life right?

[MonoVCPHG]

Life is funny. I have no doubt if ever I couldn't handle my poly relationship with Redpepper she would still be my most trusted best friend. My love for her would just be reshaped in a way that I could live within and be happy. There would always be a part of me in denial though..probably eternally.

Just be the best friend you can be is my advice...and make sure she knows that "friendship" is why you do the things you do for her, we mono people can be very suspicious LOL!! I get that you truly care for her and love that. I'm all about the caring!!!!

[nethergirl]

Don't give up hope on all monos! But if you like them, tell them right away of your situation. My husband and I got together over two years ago, he's mono , i'm poly, and he knows all about all my relationships, hookups, follies, desires.. its fine. we're sitting on the couch all happy and giggly right this second!