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  #51  
Old 02-14-2013, 10:52 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Hopefully this time frame is done soon. I think I'm just so screwed up right now because of a bunch of little things that alone don't bother me but do together.

1) I'm currently no-one's priority. Woodsmith's priority is his school work and Primal's priorities are Lamian and Peaseblossum. Some I'm either at number 2 or number 3 spot.

2) All this Valentine's stuff (people talking about what they are doing, asking what I'm doing, Valentine's stuff all around stores) is just reminding me about the above and that I can't do anything with or go anywhere with either of them.
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #52  
Old 02-24-2013, 04:21 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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2 things.

1) So I'm over my concern regarding feeling safe with woodsmith and now have seen a new problem arise. I still completely love him and want to cuddle and talk important stuff and all that but I have no sexual attraction to him. What makes this hard is I have an intense sexual attraction to primal and don't know how to explain it
I do want d/s stuff with him but not sex.



Dance is calling so I gotta write part 2 later.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #53  
Old 02-24-2013, 04:54 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Songs that pulled me to the dance floor done.

Thing 2. I've found I've lost respect for peaseblossum. Primal will consistently make changes in an attempt to make her okay with poly and after a week or two she starts complaining about the same things all over again. They've almost broken up at least 4 times since the start of the year but each time she promises to try harder. He really loves her and I want him to have a good relationship with someone he loves but I hate seeing him hurt so much each time this bullshit starts.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #54  
Old 02-28-2013, 11:05 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Well this will be a change.

Apparently Tuesday Lamian actually discussed with Primal for the first time since he and I got together about protection. Primal and I haven't been using anything but my birth control and she admitted she wasn't comfortable with that.

So last night (with her permission cause he didn't have any chance to get non-latex prophylactics) we had non barrier sex for the last time until she is comfortable.

I did mention to him that I was a little upset that she didn't talk to me also about it (since we live together) and instead put him in the position of the middle man.

But now I have 48 non-latex condoms to see if it does work for us. Otherwise we'll have to approach her about possibly changing things.

EDIT: And then I get home and am informed Primal misunderstood Lamian and she was just curious if we were using or not. Not that she didn't want us to without protection.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive

Last edited by CattivaGattina; 03-01-2013 at 12:57 AM. Reason: see edit
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  #55  
Old 03-16-2013, 03:44 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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I realized something recently (as in the past week when Primal started talking about leaving Lamian).
I'm less pissed now at what Peaseblossum or Lamian do (mind you both of them are fucking up, Lamian more so) but at the fact Primal keeps expecting these changes to happen, lets them know he wants changes, and then when they don't he either just gets upset and closes off or repeats he wants changes without stating what they are.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #56  
Old 03-19-2013, 12:48 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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So I mentioned earlier how Dys fell off the face of the planet.

A couple of weeks ago (3/7) Lamian did a fire performance for a show producer here in St Louis at a venue called the Grey Fox. While there I met/flirted with a girl (Star). Got her phone number, she was excited when hearing I was poly (since she is as well), kissed a little.

So Thursdays have now become a day that we plan on seeing each other at the weekly thing at the Grey Fox (The Sumtimes Cabaret).
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #57  
Old 03-25-2013, 03:44 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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So Primal and Peaseblossum broke up on Friday. She wants a monogamous primary who can dedicate their life to her which Primal isn't able to give her. According to Primal it was mutual. He did admit he got pissy with her when she tried to lay blame on me for their problems because, as he said, their problems had nothing to do with me (she's been going through issues with not having money because she supports her mom, who is able to support herself and just refuses to, and was constantly picking fights because of not having any money).

Lamian, Primal, and Darkeyes are at a point where things need to be figured out. While Lamian wants to be able to have both boys as co-primaries they have both realized that doesn't work for them. So I know Primal wants to talk with Darkeyes to try and figure out a way the two of them can approach Lamian to discuss this without her having a breakdown.

Woodsmith and I are doing well. There's still some distance but now it's more of the normal distance from having an introverted, highly ADHD person who gets fixated on projects. I'm still not the most sexually driven for him (still dealing with the fact he doesn't put forth any effort in that aspect, just go to bed, strip, enter, pump for a bit and then cum) but various other intimacies are present and active plus we're starting to get a little more into the BDSM aspects.

This past week Lamian and Primal were up at Lamian's mother's for his vacation (and a trying to figure where they are after the week before insanse blow-up). So Saturday was the first day he was home. Primal, Woodsmith, and I went out to a bar and when we got home I spent the rest of the night/morning till 2 pm with him, talking, sex, hanging out. Conversation we had actually had me in tears of the very happy kind. That night he apparently figured out how to say what I meant to him and hearing that just made me in happy break down mode.

Still having really fun flirts with Star. Last Thursday when I was heading back home from the show she gave me a kiss and told me to text her when I was home so she knew I made it back safe. And lots of FB/text flirts and chatting since.

So that's the most recent update.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #58  
Old 04-03-2013, 03:36 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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So I don't know why I'm withdrawn but I am. Don't give a shit really about anyone, don't feel like putting forth any effort, don't desire giving people any care other than myself at the moment.

I feel like I don't trust any one for anything. I feel like I'm neglected. I feel like I need to become narcissistic/sociopathic and only do anything that's only beneficial for me.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #59  
Old 04-06-2013, 01:50 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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So apparently I was just in a blah mood with my last post.

Good poly news (hopefully). Primal talked with Lamian about the stuff that has been pushing him closer and closer to leaving her. She promised to make the changes he said he needed her to make.

I have my fingers crossed but I don't know if she'll be able to do one of them. When she first started dating Darkeyes the conversation they had about that was that Darkeyes was going to be her secondary and Primal would be her primary. Within 4 months (and no conversation with Primal) Lamian decided that Darkeyes and Primal were going to be co-primaries and since then she's really kinda neglected Primal to less than a secondary (need fulfill order kinda became Darkeyes needs, Darkeyes wants, other friends needs, Primal needs, Primal wants). So for nearly 2 years she's seen and believes she has treated them as co-primaries. She is adamant that she doesn't want to lose either of them and Darkeyes has stated he wants to be her primary so I just don't know if she starts to put him back as a secondary and if he was to pull away if she could continue with it.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #60  
Old 04-09-2013, 04:01 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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So one of the local producers for shows here in STL was having auditions for two of her shows tonight. I went to show two of my LED acts.

Giddy alert for the night. Star was there and 4 times she called me her girlfriend. 1 was when she saw me (My girlfriend's here), one was introducing me to two people she was talking to, on was when I got on stage to do my first act, and one was when someone during their act (comedian) talked about taking me home.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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