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Old 02-21-2013, 09:30 PM
hellokitty hellokitty is offline
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 49
Default Gf is ordering me to stop sleeping with my Bf. WTF?

Am I wrong in getting pissed off here?! I cannot stand even the idea of being controlled or told what to do. I feel like this is an enormous thing to ask of me.

Quick back story, read my other posts for more details:

Been w my bf for 6 yrs, Gf for 2. Pretty much closed relationships and they are not together. Bf has my blessing in seeing others, Gf says she's not interested. Bf is ok w me being w other women but not men, gf and I play w other women sometimes but she's not ok w me being w anyone alone.

Bf and I have been struggling w the sexual aspect of our relationship for the past yr or so. I lost interest and felt disconnected from him for a while but have been working hard on getting close to him again. We are just as in love as ever and the whole experience has really brought us closer together. We have come to a better understanding of our needs together and realized we have so much more holding us together regardless of our sexuality.

Gf has been some what supportive through all this. Listening to me talk and trying to understand my point of view. A few wks ago she asked if him and I were having sex and I said not rly but if I did want to it's my decision. Since then Bf & I have gotten more sexually involved and today she asked this huge demand of me.

She asked me to not have sex with anyone which I agreed to, thinking she meant no more 3somes for a while. Then she says no I don't want you sleeping w your bf, it's very important to me.

WTF. What would you think in this situation? I feel like she's totally out of line. I told her I'm completely not okay with her trying to control me and put restrictions on my relationship w someone I've been w for 6+ yrs.

She said she just really needs this right now so she can be comfortable. I don't know how long she expects this abstinence to last and what she is going to work on inside herself to be comfortable w this during that time but what if it's not "all better" afterwards? How can I even believe this isn't just a ploy to force me to be mono with her? We have had this argument so many times where I tell her you need to make the conscious decision to be in a poly relationship and put in the effort w me to at least begin accepting it and not fighting it. I told her if its not right for you I'm not holding you prisoner. I don't want you to resent me for the rest of our lives and be "waiting around" for me to "settle down" cuz that's unfair to both of us.

I have been up front and honest about my intentions to be with both of them fully the entire time. I feel like she's in denial, thinking that she's going to eventually get me all to herself even though I've explained until I'm blue in the face I have no interest in ever being mono.

I fear that more now because today she goes well I was happier when you said you and him weren't having a sexual relationship bc I felt if I was good and gave you everything you need you'd realize you don't need that from him anymore and it can be just between you and me. :|

That is just so out of touch with my feelings and things I've expressed to her I feel she only hears what she wants to and rejects reality.

It's not like my bf and I hardly ever even SEE each other so us having sex is such a rare occurrence already asking us not to do it is kind of silly any way. But it's the concept behind it. I just feel offended that she would try to impose boundaries on my relationship w him.

Opinions? I don't know how to proceed. Honestly this just makes me want to be alone cuz I feel no matter what I do nothing will be good enough for her.
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boundaries, rules, sex

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