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Old 02-20-2013, 09:49 AM
Scrupes Scrupes is offline
New Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2
Default Didn't Go So Well

Hi everyone, brand new member to the site.

My wife and I have been together for 4 years, we met in the swinging lifestyle and recently (about 6 months ago) decided that we liked the idea of polyamory and would open ourselves up to the idea of having additional relationships with others. I have not had any issue with her having sex with other men so I felt I would be ok with this too. I had a couple of girls for a bit I texted with met but did not make any emotional connections. I currently am not seeking any other women either in the swinging lifestyle or the poly lifestyle.

My wife has been texting with a guy for a couple of months and they recently got together two weeks ago. He was coming back from a business trip today and she asked if it would be ok for him to come by since he lived about 3 hrs away. The idea was the both of us could meet since we had not yet, then I had to work tonight so he was going to stay, they would play, he would stay over and leave for work from our place in the morning. I wasn't 100% sure how I was going to feel but I agreed to it.

I was coming home from the gym and when I got home he had already arrived. I walked in the door and my wife was sort of straddled on his lap which kind of caught me off guard a little. She introduced us to each other and that was about it. She asked me how my workout was and a couple of other questions but that was as far as his and my interaction went.

I made myself something to eat, sat at the kitchen table with them and made a little small talk. During this time they were cuddling together. When I finsihed I went at sat on the couch. At this point I was starting to feel very uncomfortable, like a third wheel. I stayed for a while, she cooked supper for them both (it was my choice to eat earlier) while I sat on the couch in the other room. After about 45 min I decided to go upstairs and have a nap before I went to work. I was feeling very uncomfortable and wanted to remove myself from the situation anyway.

She came up after about 5 minutes to see how I was doing. I told her I felt ignored, uncomfortable and out of place in my own home. She asked if I wanted him to leave and I thought about it for 3-4 minutes before I told her I did, that I did not want him staying the night and I was very uncomfortable. She went downstairs and told him I was uncomfortable and that he should go home.

We lay in bed and talked until I had to leave for work. I communicate much better over texting or chat as i can get out my feelings and what I am thinking better, things I have a hard time saying face to face. I let her know that I felt unwanted in my own home and I did not want anyone coming to our home again. T

Ultimatly the poly lifestyle is much more her thing than mine but the problem is that now she has developed deep feelings for this guy and I think she is in love with him. I am really struggling with this, I feel like I have opened Pandora's box and there is no going back. she told me it is going to hurt if I ask her to stop seeing him that she has developed deep feelings for him. I have no idea what to do or where to go from here.

I needed to get this out, not sure what I am looking for, I guess just thoughts on the situation. I have read a bunch of posts and I think the situation was flawed from the beginning with him and her planning to be intimate after I left and him staying the night. They would have been sleeping together until I came home from work this morning.

Oh and to top all of this off I suffer from depression and have been going through some med changes lately which has caused me to be somewhat emotionally numb, meaning I dont get depressed but I dont experience good feelings either. This has meant i am not as interested in sex lately nor have i been meeting her needs emotionally. She also suffers from anaxiety and she has gone through some very rough times over the past couple of years but is now very stable.

I know this is long, I hope someone has some feedback, previous experiences they can relate with or what else I am not sure.
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