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Old 02-19-2013, 05:35 PM
anthj1984 anthj1984 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1
Exclamation jealousy

iv been with my gf around 6 weeks and for the first time in my life i find my self been jelouse over everything she does i know its not her but how i view her behaviour but i still cant help it are arguments are over the smallest things that actully make no difference to are relationship i always start these arguments when i fell unwanted or rejected im clinggy and very much needing to be her center of attetion am not used to this felling or being this way with anyone i really do love her but i think am goin to lose her if i cant change my ways and i do want to i just want to know if anyone has gone threw the same thing if u have could u message me n maybe help me find my way back to a health relationship.
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Old 02-19-2013, 06:07 PM
learninginTN learninginTN is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 138

Welcome to the forums. I'm not entirely sure from your post if your GF is seeing other people, and this is what prompted you to post in a polyamory forum, but I'm going to assume she is at least flirting with (or with the idea) of seeing other people, and this is what is fueling your jealousy. Would this be a correct assumption?

Six weeks is not a very long relationship. Usually at this stage people are still getting to know each other and enjoying their new relationship. Is it possible that she shares a different outlook on your relationship in terms of its nature? For example, has she communicated to you that you are her only BF, or is she dating around a little? What are her intentions? What are your intentions? However, at six weeks, questions like this might be a bit premature. You don't want to pressure her into something. That would definitely come across as clingy and needy, and would likely drive her away.

I would recommend just enjoying the times with her. Don't get caught up in her life outside your relationship. Don't bug her with questions about the future, or mention your jealousy. Have a good time, and when you part, don't obsess over her. Get busy with your life. Enjoy your hobbies. Date other people if you wish. Let her know that you have a life, too. It's healthy for you, and it'll make you more attractive to her than being needy and clingy.
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Old 02-19-2013, 08:13 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,282

I'm sorry you hurt.

Why you feel rejected? Is she doing rude things to you or just functioning on a different preference level?

Perhaps you could take a step back and articulate your need for "together time" and "attention time" and have a talk with her?

You are 6 weeks in -- still getting to know each other and each other's preferences to determine how compatible you actually are. Like anything else in dating, that's a continuum you both could discern your compatability on. The spectrum scale of

Independent, autonomous <------<Interdependent> -----> very intertwined, do not function separately at all.
There's other "pit stops" in the spectrum other than "interdependent" of course. You could determine what those are for you. You could determine what your preference range is. You could ask her what her preference is.

If it were a scale of 1 - 10 and 1 being very independent and 10 being very intertwined. Maybe you like being in a 7 or higher. Maybe she likes being around a 3. People like different things for themselves.

Before you can come to compromise and learn how to deal with it and how to bridge any "preference gap", you have to discern if it's a "liveable gap" between the preferences or if it is just TOO BIG a gap to bridge and ultimately this is not compatible for a romantic partnership and you work better as friends. I could not see a 1 and a 10 living together in harmony. A 4 and 6 might though. YKWIM?

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