Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 02-16-2013, 07:49 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Olympia, Washington
Posts: 4,969
Default

I don't know quite what to advise, your situation is very complicated. I believe in the process of repentence, but in this case your ex-boyfriend has a tremendously difficult process to go through. You could be there for him as a friend, but I would hold off on anything further than that.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 02-16-2013, 08:08 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

I wonder why the OP feels some sort of duty toward this "almost-but-not-quite" child molester.

I have seen this in real life. My extended network of acquaintances includes a guy who is a registered sex offender (the specific incident involved exposing himself to two 10-year-old girls and i think it was plea-bargained down to "lewd & lascivious behaviour"; I'm not sure what "level" that is). There are people (such as myself) who have "zero-tolerance" for this sort of thing, and there are others who think that this person should be tolerated in the name of being "open-minded".

I don't understand it. One would think that with over 7 billion people in the world, you could find someone better than this. He's the "monster" - not the OP.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 02-16-2013, 09:16 PM
lovefromgirl's Avatar
lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
Posts: 353
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Valentine View Post
It's weird. I used to have no trouble dropping people like bad habits. I've broken off total contact with people I was involved with or just friends with for shit that's benign by comparison to all this. I haven't been in denial about any of the horrible things I've mentioned here... but I've had a hard time walking away. It's not getting easier.
Well, it wouldn't. It's a church, with people you say you trust now (wait until their next lapse in judgment -- they missed your ex high and wide!) and a message, I'm sure, of Love and Open Arms and All That Jazz What Hides the Fire and Brimstone. There are some charismatic charismatics out there, you know what I mean?

Quote:
His wife is moving out of their house. He tried to kill himself last Tuesday.
I'm torn between "pity he failed" and "good, now he gets to live with his guilt". I don't take kindly to predators. Lock them away and throw the key into Mount Doom.

Quote:
The ministers wrote him a note of support.
...what.

This church? This church needs to not be in your life. They cannot, in one breath, scold him for trying to prey on their youth group and in the next send him support. What would the young victim in all this say if she knew the ministers "wrote him a note of support"?
__________________
"I swear, if we live through this somebody's going to find their automatic shower preferences reprogrammed for ice water."

Refuge in Audacity { home of the post-raph stunner }
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 02-16-2013, 09:39 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovefromgirl View Post
Well, it wouldn't. It's a church, with people you say you trust now (wait until their next lapse in judgment -- they missed your ex high and wide!) and a message, I'm sure, of Love and Open Arms and All That Jazz What Hides the Fire and Brimstone. There are some charismatic charismatics out there, you know what I mean?



I'm torn between "pity he failed" and "good, now he gets to live with his guilt". I don't take kindly to predators. Lock them away and throw the key into Mount Doom.



...what.

This church? This church needs to not be in your life. They cannot, in one breath, scold him for trying to prey on their youth group and in the next send him support. What would the young victim in all this say if she knew the ministers "wrote him a note of support"?
Well, this IS the "Christian" thing to do, but long story short? This is exactly one reason why Jesus is not MY "lord and saviour".
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 02-16-2013, 10:21 PM
Valentine's Avatar
Valentine Valentine is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 8
Default

Dude's been a youth group adviser at the church for something like 4-5 years. He's great at it. He cares very deeply about the kids and has helped a lot of them through very difficult things like substance abuse, sexual assault, horrible parenting, eating disorders, questioning sexual orientation, mental/emotional disability, etc. And this is not the first time a kid has gotten a crush on him. He's always maintained good boundaries in the past. This time, he didn't. He got too close, enjoyed her attention too much, and started secretly reciprocating. It was a lot simpler than the relationships he had with adult women. He figured it was ok because it wasn't sexual. He was wrong.

The kid in question wouldn't describe herself as a victim. She actually tried to take on responsibility for it, which says to me she thinks of herself as an accomplice more than anything else. I tried to talk her down from it. I think it helped a little. That was before the ministers talked with her and her parents.

The ministers have since reached out to everyone involved. Dude is suicidal... if they didn't offer support to him and encourage him to continue therapy, they'd be lax in their duties.

As a side note - This isn't a Christian church, really. My UU church is comprised mostly of secular humanists, with a smattering of Buddhists, pagans, and liberal mostly-ex-Christians. The religion's roots are in some old branches of Christianity, but there's little talk of god or Jesus. We have more sermons on immigrant rights and water justice.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:16 AM.