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Old 02-15-2013, 11:08 PM
franchescasc's Avatar
franchescasc franchescasc is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Southern US
Posts: 123
Default When do you define the poly relationship

To catch up on my story, here's my intro:
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=40446

So, where we are now....All is well on the front with my husband FJ & I. We are in a really good place of understanding and connection.

But (there's always a but, isn't there?) my gf MD is a mystery. She knows exactly where I'm at, and how I feel about her, and how FJ feels about us. What I don't know is how SHE feels about all of this. I'm unsure whether this is a relationship MD wants to pursue, or if it's just a fun thing for her that isn't too serious. Things that she's said leads me to believe she has really strong feelings for me. But I also get the feeling she feels like this is a relationship that isn't going to go anywhere else. Mostly because she keeps talking about where we live. And she's right. No one here would get it. It's a super small town, she's lived here forever, and it would be all anyone would talk about. It certainly would hurt my reputation as a fundraiser for a big non-profit here.

I'm ok with it being a secret except for among a very few close friends. Do I try and define the relationship with her moving forward, or do I just enjoy what time and energy she can give me for now? It gets frustrating and confusing to guess what we are. If I should back off and give her space, or push the talk to set up expectations. Ugh. I am definitely leaning towards just space and when she wants to hang out, I'll be there. But, I have only ever had a relationship with totally open communication, so it's hard to act differently. Thoughts?

--franchescasc
FJ-husband of 13 years-virgins when we married-mono male
MD-gf for 4 months-probably mono, maybe poly
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