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Old 02-15-2013, 02:01 AM
polyconundrum polyconundrum is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Somewhere on the west coast of North America
Posts: 13

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Do you put yourself first? It's not wrong of other people to not put you first. They need to put themselves first, as you have to put yourself first. I like to use the analogy of the oxygen masks on an air plane. If you pass out while you're helping someone put their mask on, you're not going to be any good to anyone.
No, I guess I probably don't, something I'm realizing a lot lately. I am burning the candle at both ends these days and haven't had any "me" time which has not been good. I'm stressed and tired and while I'm doing healthy things like getting enough sleep and exercising, I'm feeling pretty run down.

I've found that whether I hate or love my job has a huge impact on every single aspect of my life. Do you have any room to manoeuvre there? I know it's a tough economy right now, but that might be a good place to look for change.
You're right, the job really does reflect in other areas of one's life. I'm taking a 3 month business class so I can learn to be my own boss, and putting together a plan so that I can be a freelancer in the next few months. I can't do the corporate, 40 hours/week thing anymore. Too rigid for me. I am not a very rigid person, which is another reason poly appealed to me.

It's not hypocritical to feel jealousy, only to put restrictions on your partners that you yourself won't agree to follow.
Fair enough.

Of people who do use Primary/secondary labels, it generally doesn't limit the kinds of feelings you can have for one another, i.e. the emotional connection you're talking about, but rather practical matters like time commitments and level of "intermingling" between your lives (i.e. living together, kids, shared accounts). You can love your secondary just as much as you love your primary.
That makes sense, and I know you can love your secondary as much as your primary...Which makes me wonder why my partner has decided to use the primary label with me if we don't share finances or a house/apartment or anything like that. Sometimes I think he calls me that because I'm the one he wants to introduce to his parents. I'm the parent approved girlfriend.

Also I have a few poly friends who consider themselves their primaries, and I guess I'm not like that. But maybe I should be. Maybe it would reduce the stress of this whole confusion about what I am to people.
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confusion, questioning, relationships

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