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  #331  
Old 02-14-2013, 12:45 AM
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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
If someone took the risk of revealing that they had been eavesdropping or talking with others about you, I would suspect that what they really want is to just be your friend.
No, she's just a busybody who likes to gab and gossip. Most people like her are only asking questions so that you ask a similar question back, and they then get to talk about themselves. I have her pegged, really. She's self-centered and self-involved, and never stopped to consider that maybe the way to be my friend is to respect my privacy and let me volunteer info when I feel comfy doing so.
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  #332  
Old 02-14-2013, 04:09 AM
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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
I swing both ways sometimes. Most the time, I'm an introvert, until I get comfortable with people - then it's hard to shut me up.
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
My conclusion is that these people are extroverts who need social contact in order to engage their brains. I don't. I am an introvert. My workplace is an escape from my personal life.
I am not sure as what I could classify personally. I am not social, as far as I will never seek out those contacts willingly. I just don't get this need to chat with each and everyone. But, if the situations comes up and I am asked, I don't think much and just answer and talk to people. I don't have any problems talking to others, but I wouldn't start this stuff. Because I would always assume:

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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
To those people that ask those questions, that's there way of letting you know you are valued (even if you don't see it that way) and they just want to be friendly. I tend to take it as a clue as to how they want to be treated.

If someone took the risk of revealing that they had been eavesdropping or talking with others about you, I would suspect that what they really want is to just be your friend.
That's exactly how I see it. If I am asked about my day, what I did, where I went, how my family is, I assume that they are just being polite. My boss is just like that and she is generally interested in the lifes of her employees. But I have to say that I never went through the hassle to see it a different way. Lin uses to tell me that I am too nave. I never assume bad intentions when interacting with others. That's why I wouldn't think of someone like this:

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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
No, she's just a busybody who likes to gab and gossip. Most people like her are only asking questions so that you ask a similar question back, and they then get to talk about themselves. I have her pegged, really. She's self-centered and self-involved, and never stopped to consider that maybe the way to be my friend is to respect my privacy and let me volunteer info when I feel comfy doing so.
It doesn't occur to me that someone could have ulterior motives. In general I know that some people are that way, but I forget about it ^.^ I am always dumbstruck when I encounter this truth again and again. I am gullible and believe in the good in man. And at the same time I am obliviousto this trait of mine Oh dear, what a combination

I am not even sure if I didn't talk to some of them. Not about my private love life, more in general. Maybe they really to some extend 'know me' and I just forgot about them. There has been one 'girl' (she was still so young, right from school and new at university, came across as really girl-ish) whom I still remember. She was totally excited when we were mixed up and had some group work stuff to do and the first thing she told me was something along the lines of Oh, nice to see you here! She was all smiles and I was like ok keep it low, did we talk? No, but we take course x and y as well together. I so liked z about your answer there and haven't you been to the library yesterday? She remembered me from sitting in the same room with me twice the week before. I simply don't see people. You have to be extremely flashy or say something really notable to catch my eye and interest. I know that I tend to forget even those I did talk to at one point in time.

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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
This has been on my mind a lot lately. During that day we worked together, she asked me a zillion questions. Not just about my freelance work, but also things like, "So do you like your new schedule? What days off do you have? Did you want to go full-time? What kind of work did you do before? Where do you live? What kind of apartment do you live in?" O. M. G.

Didn't she notice that I wasn't asking her anything about herself? I am not the type to divulge all this stuff to people I work with.
If I encounter those ones, I am polite as well if they don't come across as too intrusive. I answer most of those questions and ask something similar in return. Because, if they are interested and comfortable to get this kind of information from me, it is ok to ask the same in return. Except I don't like the person asking. Then I just skip that stuff and stay mostly quiet. (If I think about that, maybe I have 'an aura'. I am never really bothered by obnoxious people and conversation instantly comes to a halt when I am not interested or starting to get into a bad mood )

Ahhh dear, complicated stuff. That's why I never start it myself, too much hassle to think about
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  #333  
Old 02-18-2013, 06:58 AM
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The sms/chat-talk. I never guessed we would need to speak about this topic but Sward got a bit addicted. As I mentioned he build a friendship with Goody-Goody, neighbor's daughter. Goody is ten years younger than us and she loves her mobile. And what's app and how they are all called (I have an old Nokia, no chat programs and such, I hardly use sms either). This constant wrrrr, wrrrr got on my nerves. Especially when the noise isn't muted.

Some days ago I was lying on the couch, watching some show and Sward laid down next to me. Everything was fine … some minutes passed. Wrrrr, wrrrr … a new text. He answered, slightly turning away from me to have both hands free. I thought, OK, just a short notice, will be done in a minute. Not really -.- Another message, another message and another one and I was pissed. Leave the phone somewhere else when you want to spend some time next to me and WITH me, goddammit. So rude. I honestly don't mind them texting. Goody got enough stuff to text about for sure, still together with this … scumbag. But she lives next door! Go have a cup of coffee.

Of course he didn't see the reason why I was mad. I am chatting with my friends as well. Yeah right, when I am sitting at the PC. I don't take the PC with me wherever I go. It is a bit more difficult to restrict the 'OK-to-use-range' for a mobile but isn't it obvious that you shouldn't use it when interacting with someone right next to you? He came around to see my point after some minutes and it didn't happen again to this extent. But he clearly has a slight addiction there. I banned the damn thing from the bedroom already. But that happened some months ago.
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  #334  
Old 03-13-2013, 07:06 AM
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It has been some time, since I posted. We have been doing well. Still nothing much going on, but I thought about an update

Concerning the baby-front, Sward has been to second test and it seems that the actions we took worked out and improved his results. Doesn't look as dire as before and after I got my results (today actually) we will start looking into what could be done and how. Lin hasn't been to his second test, I guess he is delaying it on purpose and doesn't want to hear the same result twice. I am leaving him be, can't do anything about it right now.

I have had my first final exam on the 2/28 and it went ok. Not as great as I hoped, but that was mainly because of an altered question. We are able to discuss the topic roughly with our examiner in advance and she changed the question I was expecting, what gave me a pause. I couldn't do anything else than write down what I had prepared and am now hoping for the best. This grade will be final and in my diploma.

I am totally stressed with all the papers I need to hand in to make it for the registration for the second final exams term in autumn. Well, more unmotivated than stressed actually, but it has to be done *sigh* I limited it to two more papers till April and hope that I will be done by then.

I met an old friend and was glad that she is still around. She has had a hard furrow to plough constantly, because she isn't happy with her life in general. Was married to a German by her father at the age of 18 (him being nearly 20 years older than her), is expected to be a devoted housewife and mother and totally stuck between the believes she has been brought up with and her own desires. She did as much as registering for teacher's studies, that's where we met. When we met again some days ago, we talked a bit; her life is still chaos and not fulfilling but she keeps on pursuing what she dreams of. Hoping that this will come true some day. It makes me sad and furious to think about it
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  #335  
Old 03-13-2013, 09:57 AM
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I was just thinking this morning that you hadn't been around for a while, and hoping it was just because your life was busy. Glad to hear that overall things are ok. Hope there continues to be encouragement on the baby front.
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  #336  
Old 03-28-2013, 03:23 PM
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Again some weeks have passed and I have been busy. I got my grade for the written test and it was good. I hoped for a better one, but second best possible will do. I was a bit stuck in regard to my papers, but two are almost done. Totally lacking in motivation but the deadline is on Saturday, so I will make it.

Some good and bad news:

Lin has been to the doctor and the result was confirmed. He is unable to have biological children. He hasn't been as down as I feared, but I guess this will be a matter later on. Because:

Sward and I went to a specialist to get our treatment started. We stopped trying on our own and visited a fertility center. The first try is already next week and I am a bit overwhelmed by the speed all of it is progressing right now. I mean: nothing much happened for months and now there is a real chance that we could succeed with it. I am exited and a bit scared, just like when we decided to start trying for a child last Summer.

I checked in with Lin, because it was quite disadvantageous that his sterility notice arrived nearly the same day as Sward and my artificial insemination treatment plan. Understandably he doesn't want to talk or hear each and every detail about it for now and asked for some space. But overall he says it doesn't matter that much and that it will be ok. I hope that it will be

Sward is a bit down as well, because he won't be 'actively' involved in the process. I can't change that fact and to be honest, I know what he means, but I simply have a different view in regard to that matter. But Lin totally understood where he was coming from and I guess it helped that Lin was able to relate to Sward's thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it is beneficial to have a second man at hand It wasn't a big deal, but it was on Sward's mind.

So, we are getting started; I will have a check up on Tuesday and it gets serious next weekend. Really excited and a bit scared at the moment.
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  #337  
Old 03-28-2013, 03:51 PM
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What an intense, emotional time for everyone! My heart goes out to Lin... it seems merciful, at least, that he got a clear answer, versus a situation in which he was still infertile and yet no one could tell him for sure, leaving the question of whether to try in limbo. Wishing you and Sward the very best of luck, of course!
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  #338  
Old 03-28-2013, 07:22 PM
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Thanks Annabel. But I guess it sounds way more emotional than it really is right now. I was really worried about Lin and his condition, but when he finally got the result, it was all kind of calm. It's right, better to have something final, but honestly, I think that his doctor told him unconfirmed stuff. No tests, no hormonal checks, just looking at the basic facts. I read quite a lot lately about that topic and the way the doctor confirmed that he should be infertile doesn't sit well with me. But I didn't stir any argument, because Lin seems to be content with that diagnosis right now. If that is what he needs, it's alright. He himself said when I initially voiced my doubts, that we may look into this matter again in 3 or 4 year's time. (When I wanted the second child to be his.) It's no pressing matter right now.

I haven't given up hope, that we may be (biological) parents one day as well, as I know how much this would mean to him.

Thanks for your wishes I really hope that this will work out soon.
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  #339  
Old 04-08-2013, 07:35 AM
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Everything seems so complicated. Just like Sward said yesterday: Why can't it be simple from time to time? Do we have to have it this difficult each and every time we reach a new phase of our life? I know that this is more a momentum or better snapshot in time than anything but I am declined to see it like he does today. I am negative and not able to see a fast and easy solution for our wishful thoughts.

The first IUI is done and as it seems already gone as far as our chances are concerned. We will have to use the more complex way with hormonal and medical treatment, presumably. This goes against my morals and I am unsure how I will react to this. I decided to try because it would mean much for Sward and Lin. I want a child as well but this method I have to get used to all the bits and facts coming with it. So unsure what will come out of this.

The rest of our (Sward's, Lin's and my) life is as quiet and peaceful as ever. I love our home and even the surrounding with my parents, siblings andeven the parents of my BiL all around us, even though my mother threw quite a tantrum the other day. She got totally worked up over some spider webs at our kitchen window. I was like When talking to her in calmer moment she told me that all the occurrences of the last year left her depleted and depressed. She was diagnosed with a mild depression but of course she refuses to take the meds she got from the doctor I mean, I know where she is coming from and the other option (a more spiritual approach) is totally not her kind of deal, but when she told me that every morning she gets up there is this enormous pressure lingering all over her head and she has to push it to the back of her mind to keep on going, I was alarmed. I don't really know how to help her and hope that the doctors will be able to figure something out. Right now she isn't able to managed even the slightest pressure in whatever shape they may occur. Even the usual grocery shopping means stress for her.

As always, we will see what comes out of this.
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  #340  
Old 05-07-2013, 06:55 AM
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Already a month ... time flies by. I felt like updating but there is nothing much to talk about. At least if I stay within the limits of our little poly relationship. Everything and everyone is doing OK.

Sward replanted our herb garden and prepared a little selection for Lin to use in the kitchen. Lin started to do all the every day housework, like cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry etc. because Sward and I are away most of the day. He seems to like this new kind of job, because he really gives it his all. Planning for meals, going shopping, totally caring for or even sheperding us in a way. Jobwise he was really unlucky and his health has been quite bad during the last 6 weeks. I guess, it works out fine, if he really is unable to find some kind of work in the foreseeable future, that he just stays home and sticks to the housework. Sometimes it is all he is able to actually do over the course of the day.

The situation at Swards workplace is much more relaxed lately and the missing wage has finally been payed last month. I am still not happy with some of his work conditions but he wants to stay there for now and I will not meddle with this. In regard to our fertility treatment, we will take a break till July to wait for the health insurance switch, to get back 100% of the costs. I do not know how far he is thinking ahead already, but I am kind of mulling over the possiblity of ending up staying childless. I do not know why I am so negative, but I guess, we will have to see what comes out of it. Like always

My mother has been diagnosed with dementia. There was one point missing, but as she got 10 of those points and you are regarded as age demented from 9 points downwards ... well, she seems kind of relieved, that there is a name to call the weird things happening to her lately. The chemo treatments have affected her brain and nerves and that is the result. Again, I have no idea how to help her or how to treat her, if this gets worse (what it surely will). She is still so young, I hope that this state will not worsen too soon.

My best friend moved out of the house she and her husband shared with her parents into a flat some kilometers away. Good decision, they defentiely needed the space. As I was working half the day, my men went and helped and I joined them later. I realized as how normal I myself regard our relationship by now. I did not waste one thought what their friends (who were there as well) might think about us or how I should or should not act.

There seem to has been a moment before I arrived when Lin and Sward were discussing dinner; Lin said that he would not cook that evening and Sward joked about me being grumpy if I was to get hungry later despite the food my friend provided for our help. She told me, that that moment gave most of the others a pause and they started thinking about our constellation as those male strangers (we did not know the other helpers) were both obviously talking about the same woman. When she told me, I just smirked.

I no longer get worked up about what others might think. I do not care. I handle conversations about my private life and our unusual relationship much more ... naturally and more like a matter of cause. It is what it is and I no longer have the patience to excuse someone being so stunned that he or she dares to personally attack me for the life I lead. I do not have this urge to explain any longer. Took me almost two years to reach that stage

Well, that is it for now. Hopefully I will come back with some happy news soon ^.^
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