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  #11  
Old 02-10-2013, 03:48 PM
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Oh.

Yeah. I guess I thought of 24/7 as being a testament to the subtle energy between the people involved, not necessarily being collared?

Like hanging out in the house because your partner doesn't want you to go out for the day/night. Or wearing a butt plug all day because he wants my ass to be more easily penetrable (and me to be that much ready!) when he walks in the door. Or texting or not texting, according to what she commands and desires. It means being at the others' beck and call and completely open, for whatever the dom would need/want/demand/desire, from clothing, to internet, to phone, to sex, to attitude, to whatever. That's what I mean by 24/7.

I could see it getting more intense as the situation allowed. These are the issues I wanted to talk about with D/s. Thank you for bringing it up. <3
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Old 02-10-2013, 04:02 PM
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And those are the reasons that I can't be 24/7. I just can't let someone have *that* much control over me. I worked too hard to escape from that type of life; from a childhood where I got grounded from church because I enjoyed it and he didn't want me to enjoy it; where we were supposed to live to make him happy; do everything to his standards even when it just couldn't be done.

I'm all for doing little things to please my partners; dirty texts; making special meals for them; giving them what they need, etc. I can turn on the submissive when I need to, but I really did need to teach myself that it was safe to submit and they are very special cases.
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Old 02-10-2013, 06:41 PM
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And those are the reasons that I can't be 24/7. I just can't let someone have *that* much control over me. I worked too hard to escape from that type of life; from a childhood where I got grounded from church because I enjoyed it and he didn't want me to enjoy it; where we were supposed to live to make him happy; do everything to his standards even when it just couldn't be done.

I'm all for doing little things to please my partners; dirty texts; making special meals for them; giving them what they need, etc. I can turn on the submissive when I need to, but I really did need to teach myself that it was safe to submit and they are very special cases.

I understand. <3

Sounds like you had a tough life. I'm assuming you are referring to a father figure?
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Old 02-10-2013, 06:58 PM
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Part of wanting a master is also just seeking the right mate for me. I realize that is much harder for me than the general public. Most people just look for someone nice and attractive and they're set. I'm extremely discerning about finding a mate, a partner.
I beg to differ. Most people meet plenty of nice and attractive people who just don't "fit." Sure, looking for a D/s relationship narrows down the pool a bit. So does looking for someone who will come to church with you, or help you raise billy goats, or share your passion for fly fishing. Dominant is just one "type." Everyone has a "type" and I don't mean physical build. Looking for a 24/7 relationship is not so different from looking for a husband who will support you while you raise babies. And most of us are poly here: that's another type that narrows the pool significantly.
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Old 02-10-2013, 09:49 PM
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I beg to differ. Most people meet plenty of nice and attractive people who just don't "fit." Sure, looking for a D/s relationship narrows down the pool a bit. So does looking for someone who will come to church with you, or help you raise billy goats, or share your passion for fly fishing. Dominant is just one "type." Everyone has a "type" and I don't mean physical build. Looking for a 24/7 relationship is not so different from looking for a husband who will support you while you raise babies. And most of us are poly here: that's another type that narrows the pool significantly.
I meant me as in me personally, Aphrodite. Not as it regards D/s.

I find that my friends and acquaintances seem to meet people whom they would date more quickly and easily. Leading me to believe I'm either more discerning than most, or more difficult to get to know (guarded) than I realize. Likely both.
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Old 02-11-2013, 12:29 AM
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I meant me as in me personally, Aphrodite. Not as it regards D/s.

I find that my friends and acquaintances seem to meet people whom they would date more quickly and easily. Leading me to believe I'm either more discerning than most, or more difficult to get to know (guarded) than I realize. Likely both.
Ah, fair enough. I tend to think the same way. I've noticed a lot of people just need "someone" more than anything, and are more willing to settle. I've always been contentedly independent, so I've never minded waiting until someone fit just right.

I would date people casually, with no labels or strings attached, just having fun basically like friends with this extra component... but it wouldn't get serious and I would wander away as soon as I got bored.
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  #17  
Old 02-11-2013, 02:00 AM
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Yeah, saying my step dad wasn't the nicest person would be an understatement. Oddly enough a couple of years after he and my mom separated and divorced, he met a woman, got involved with a church, and his personality did a 180. He's a totally different person now and while he doesn't like us to mention the hell he put us through, he genuinely wants to prove that he loves and cares for us.
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Old 02-11-2013, 02:12 AM
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My mom has been trying to become less bossy ... and even if she's not there yet, her kids are all pretty surprised that she's trying.
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Old 02-11-2013, 04:41 AM
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Yeah, saying my step dad wasn't the nicest person would be an understatement. Oddly enough a couple of years after he and my mom separated and divorced, he met a woman, got involved with a church, and his personality did a 180. He's a totally different person now and while he doesn't like us to mention the hell he put us through, he genuinely wants to prove that he loves and cares for us.
Wow. That is sort-of awesome. Better than late than never, eh?

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My mom has been trying to become less bossy ... and even if she's not there yet, her kids are all pretty surprised that she's trying.
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  #20  
Old 02-11-2013, 03:56 PM
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I'm also a switch, and so is my boyfriend, and I do find that really nice... But since we're both poly, we'd have options if it wasn't the case so it really isn't a requirement for me.

But yeah, I get the attraction of being with another switch. When one of us is very clearly in a dominant or submissive mood, the other one can adapt to it, and sometimes you can go back and forth and kind of "fight for dominance" if you're both in both moods, which doesn't really happen with someone who isn't a switch.
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