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  #531  
Old 02-10-2013, 01:57 PM
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Honestly, I don't get this "But since I'm a switch, they will need to submit to me as well." Personally, I'm a masochist and switch. I have two great guys who are able to satisfy my needs for pain and domination, but I would never expect them to be submissive to me. They just aren't submissive. And that's okay. We're polly, so I have the option of building a relationship with someone who is submissive if I choose to. I'm also bi-sexual, so I'd have the option of building a relationship with a female submissive if I felt like it too. The only problem I've encountered thus far is that there are a great many men who would love to worship the ground I walk on, submit to me, etc. And most women seem to be afraid that I'm looking for a unicorn and don't reply.

Well, I think that there are as many relationship variations as there are people.

If you prefer to have different partners fill different roles, then that is great for you.

Do you find that you do much discipline with your relationship with your 'guys'? Or is it more about S & M with them?
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  #532  
Old 02-10-2013, 02:31 PM
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I guess that would depend on the definition of discipline. I am very very much a masochist, so pretty much any from of pain is a reward, not a punishment. It plays out very differently with Runic Wolf (hubby) than it does with Wendigo (bf). With Runic Wolf it's very much S&M with less D/s; because of events in my childhood, I have difficulty with the idea that wives should submit to their husbands, and had a hard time with the concept of being submissive to him. Which was really hard for him because he's a wonderful man who is nothing like the abusive step father I grew up with, but we're easing into D/S because it triggers a strong need in me to fight back and be bratty/ bitchy.

With Wendigo, it's different. He isn't my husband, so I don't feel that automatic need to fight. That "your not the boss of me" mentality just isn't there. So definitely more S&M than D/s, but it's more like 60/40.

And with both of them D/s is a strictly an in the bedroom thing. I'm not into 24/7 D/s and I never will be. My masochist side is much stronger and I would be happy being a lovely shade of ouch 24/7, but that just isn't possible.
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Old 02-10-2013, 03:01 PM
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I guess that would depend on the definition of discipline. I am very very much a masochist, so pretty much any from of pain is a reward, not a punishment. It plays out very differently with Runic Wolf (hubby) than it does with Wendigo (bf). With Runic Wolf it's very much S&M with less D/s; because of events in my childhood, I have difficulty with the idea that wives should submit to their husbands, and had a hard time with the concept of being submissive to him. Which was really hard for him because he's a wonderful man who is nothing like the abusive step father I grew up with, but we're easing into D/S because it triggers a strong need in me to fight back and be bratty/ bitchy.

With Wendigo, it's different. He isn't my husband, so I don't feel that automatic need to fight. That "your not the boss of me" mentality just isn't there. So definitely more S&M than D/s, but it's more like 60/40.

And with both of them D/s is a strictly an in the bedroom thing. I'm not into 24/7 D/s and I never will be. My masochist side is much stronger and I would be happy being a lovely shade of ouch 24/7, but that just isn't possible.

Interesting! I think that the way I am--the way I'm twisted and the way I've turned in my life--means I am cognizant of the 24/7 thing. So even though I'm too dominant to be sub 24/7, I suspect that my partner will be sub when I'm not.

And it would definitely exist outside the bedroom! That is what is so exciting about it. It's a lifestyle, not just another sex position or scene.

Thanks for sharing you thoughts.
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  #534  
Old 02-10-2013, 03:39 PM
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I agree that it is a life style, but I don't live with Wendigo. There are elements of it all in our day to day interactions, but I guess for me 24/7 speaks of letting someone else do the talking for you, sitting at their feet, being collared, etc. Definitely stuff I can't and shouldn't do with a 10 year old in the house and a 16 year old at Wendigo's house. If my guys were switches too, I'm sure we'd be able to work something out, but they're not and I can't be submissive 24/7.
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  #535  
Old 02-10-2013, 03:48 PM
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Oh.

Yeah. I guess I thought of 24/7 as being a testament to the subtle energy between the people involved, not necessarily being collared?

Like hanging out in the house because your partner doesn't want you to go out for the day/night. Or wearing a butt plug all day because he wants my ass to be more easily penetrable (and me to be that much ready!) when he walks in the door. Or texting or not texting, according to what she commands and desires. It means being at the others' beck and call and completely open, for whatever the dom would need/want/demand/desire, from clothing, to internet, to phone, to sex, to attitude, to whatever. That's what I mean by 24/7.

I could see it getting more intense as the situation allowed. These are the issues I wanted to talk about with D/s. Thank you for bringing it up. <3
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Old 02-10-2013, 04:02 PM
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And those are the reasons that I can't be 24/7. I just can't let someone have *that* much control over me. I worked too hard to escape from that type of life; from a childhood where I got grounded from church because I enjoyed it and he didn't want me to enjoy it; where we were supposed to live to make him happy; do everything to his standards even when it just couldn't be done.

I'm all for doing little things to please my partners; dirty texts; making special meals for them; giving them what they need, etc. I can turn on the submissive when I need to, but I really did need to teach myself that it was safe to submit and they are very special cases.
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  #537  
Old 02-10-2013, 06:41 PM
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And those are the reasons that I can't be 24/7. I just can't let someone have *that* much control over me. I worked too hard to escape from that type of life; from a childhood where I got grounded from church because I enjoyed it and he didn't want me to enjoy it; where we were supposed to live to make him happy; do everything to his standards even when it just couldn't be done.

I'm all for doing little things to please my partners; dirty texts; making special meals for them; giving them what they need, etc. I can turn on the submissive when I need to, but I really did need to teach myself that it was safe to submit and they are very special cases.

I understand. <3

Sounds like you had a tough life. I'm assuming you are referring to a father figure?
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  #538  
Old 02-10-2013, 06:58 PM
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Part of wanting a master is also just seeking the right mate for me. I realize that is much harder for me than the general public. Most people just look for someone nice and attractive and they're set. I'm extremely discerning about finding a mate, a partner.
I beg to differ. Most people meet plenty of nice and attractive people who just don't "fit." Sure, looking for a D/s relationship narrows down the pool a bit. So does looking for someone who will come to church with you, or help you raise billy goats, or share your passion for fly fishing. Dominant is just one "type." Everyone has a "type" and I don't mean physical build. Looking for a 24/7 relationship is not so different from looking for a husband who will support you while you raise babies. And most of us are poly here: that's another type that narrows the pool significantly.
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  #539  
Old 02-10-2013, 09:49 PM
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I beg to differ. Most people meet plenty of nice and attractive people who just don't "fit." Sure, looking for a D/s relationship narrows down the pool a bit. So does looking for someone who will come to church with you, or help you raise billy goats, or share your passion for fly fishing. Dominant is just one "type." Everyone has a "type" and I don't mean physical build. Looking for a 24/7 relationship is not so different from looking for a husband who will support you while you raise babies. And most of us are poly here: that's another type that narrows the pool significantly.
I meant me as in me personally, Aphrodite. Not as it regards D/s.

I find that my friends and acquaintances seem to meet people whom they would date more quickly and easily. Leading me to believe I'm either more discerning than most, or more difficult to get to know (guarded) than I realize. Likely both.
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Old 02-11-2013, 12:29 AM
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I meant me as in me personally, Aphrodite. Not as it regards D/s.

I find that my friends and acquaintances seem to meet people whom they would date more quickly and easily. Leading me to believe I'm either more discerning than most, or more difficult to get to know (guarded) than I realize. Likely both.
Ah, fair enough. I tend to think the same way. I've noticed a lot of people just need "someone" more than anything, and are more willing to settle. I've always been contentedly independent, so I've never minded waiting until someone fit just right.

I would date people casually, with no labels or strings attached, just having fun basically like friends with this extra component... but it wouldn't get serious and I would wander away as soon as I got bored.
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