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  #201  
Old 04-09-2012, 06:50 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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It sounds like they are mostly concerned about the welfare of the kids. Is it possible that they are thinking of whether or not this issue makes you unfit as parents and may want to challenge your custody of them? (in that case, you could say they never had a problem with it before they know, so how does knowing this suddenly change how well you parent?) You might want to read Redpepper's blog or PM her. Her parents thought that their grandson's home situation was abusive and I believe they took them to court, but now they all get along very well when they proved that her son was not being abused by anyone.
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Last edited by nycindie; 04-09-2012 at 06:55 PM.
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  #202  
Old 04-10-2012, 06:32 PM
learner learner is offline
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Thank you for all your replies - some very useful advice for dealing with my parents in general!

In answer to a few of your questions - yes they were getting suspicious that 'something' was going on - the kids were mentioning my boyfriend's name a fair bit. I thought it was better to give them the facts than have them invent things in their heads, and at the time we had the conversation, it went very well, a few minor objections, but generally no big reaction. I constantly live in hope that my parents have changed but I was half expecting some kind of backlash.

I'm not really worried about any custody issues - they are constantly criticising how we look after the kids, despite the fact that they are all well behaved, well adjusted and happy, but I don't think they would ever go that far. We would also have the support of my husband's parents if this happened. I suspect that this conversation, if it takes place, will be mainly aimed at making us feel guilty, I don't think they will actually have any action in mind to come out of it.

In general, if I was giving advice to anyone else who wanted to come out to their parents, I would suggest giving the minimal amount of information necessary and not think that the conversation's going well, and hence spill all of it.
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  #203  
Old 04-11-2012, 05:25 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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I am a child of a father who had affairs with many women; and several of them came home for dinner. I do not know if my mother knew it while she was making dinner for them, or if she found out later. Some of them brought me presents. I had no idea that they were women with whom my father was having affairs (until much, much later ~ when I was recipient of many stories by each of my parents about the other).

I suffered zero harm from meeting these women, I had fond memories of some (those memories have faded now, but given the giant amount of bad memories, it's nice to recall there were some not-bad ones too). I suffered a great amount of harm from the fact that my parents had a lousy relationship. But being exposed to his lovers? nothing.

I don't think that will mean a great deal to your parents, but I did feel compelled to share that for anyone who might find it helpful (and especially anyone who needs encouragement to make their relationship better so that the children suffer less).

I would encourage you to be very very careful about exposing your children to people who criticize you that much. I remember telling my boyfriend in high school that if we got pregnant we could never leave the children with our parents (because our parents were horrible). Be very very careful what you share with people like that. People like that often believe they love you and/or that they're doing the right thing 'for the children,' and they do things like call child protective services.
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  #204  
Old 08-23-2012, 12:17 AM
milagro milagro is offline
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Default coming out as poly

how do you go about it?

I have come out as poly to a few friends recently, all who are very supportive about it. My primary partner has done the same to his friends. Tonight, I am sitting with him and one of the friends he's come out to, and something about his secondary (fwb) came up. I actually mentioned her. then I remembered the other friend in the room knows about the poly situation, but that friend and I haven't talked about it. Anyway, I feel like I want to acknowledge my poly relationship, but it seemed kind of off topic to our conversation, so I haven't bothered to say anything.

I guess my real question is: how do you come out to people? who do you come out to? what are your good/bad experiences with coming out as poly?
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  #205  
Old 08-23-2012, 12:42 AM
km34 km34 is offline
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Here are a couple of tag searches of various threads that cover this topic: threads tagged "coming out poly" and threads tagged "coming out".

Different people use different approaches, so reading through a few of these threads may be helpful. You may also use different tactic/approach with different people (only in person for one person, a letter for someone else, etc).

I personally haven't come out to any of my family - except my sisister, but she figured it out on her own more than I came out. Almost all of my friends know. Nowadays, it just gets mentioned pretty early on that I'm married and dating people, so it's obvious and people can ask questions as they need to. It also helps that about 75% of the people I'm meeting these days are friends of (poly) friends or from a poly meetup. lol

I've never had a bad experience. Most people haven't been surprised, because I just don't really try to hide it.
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  #206  
Old 08-23-2012, 12:49 PM
Pliglet Pliglet is offline
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I just told people recently. Very matter of fact about it. Everyone important inmylife is aware (immediate family and most friends), and the only reason there was an initial sense of weirdness was because of who my partners are not that there is two of them

But i'm in a triad, so it's an every day 'in your face' lifestyle for the friends we spend time with. Not sure what I'd do with more casual relationships :-)
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  #207  
Old 08-23-2012, 11:21 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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We all live together, so it tends to come up at some point when people see me kiss one and at another time kiss the other.

But, we're not "in the closet" about much of anything-so we don't make a production out of "coming out".

We just don't make an effort to act or talk different on account of who is listening.

So, for example, if I'm out with bf, I introduce him as bf. If I'm out with dh I introduce him as dh. If I'm out with both I will introduce them both.

(although most frequently-it doesn't happen that way-it happens as I said, people see me kiss one goodbye or hello, see me kiss the other and then ask)

Or the kids say something and provoke questions from people.

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  #208  
Old 02-07-2013, 07:00 AM
Pyuvii Pyuvii is offline
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Default 'Coming out' as Poly

Got some Q's for you fine folks;

How/when do you 'come out' to people as poly, both to friends, and to people you're interested in?
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  #209  
Old 02-07-2013, 07:26 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Mega-thread on coming out.



List of useful/informative mega-threads.

(To whomever it may concern: Feel free to refrain from lecturing me or making third-person disapproving commentary because you don't like the fact that I answered by posting links to other threads without sharing a personal anecdote that is relevant to the topic. Been there, done that, gave at the office and got the free T-shirt.)
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  #210  
Old 02-07-2013, 02:53 PM
Pyuvii Pyuvii is offline
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Oh, awesome! Thanks (sorry I'm quite a bit new to this still, I probably should have seen that Master Thread XD)
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