When I bring up what meds she is taking or not taking, she gets very defensive. After the affair she went on Zoloft (which she also did after having the girls), to combat bipolar, which our counsellor suggested could have something to do with her being hypersexual during her "manic" phase. She actually told me yesterday that her mother has scolded her for not taking the medication now. Her mother knows we are having problems but does NOT know about the polyamory. W tells me she doesn't necessarily want to be "evened out" emotionally. To hell with us who suffer, I guess (although of course I didn't say that to her).
She has made it apparent on MANY occasions that she has a bad case of buyer's remorse for the kids. I asked her point blank one night if she had her way how many hours would she spend with the kids per week and she said "Zero". These kids deserve a mother, and this is one of the reasons I've been fighting hard for this marriage. If I can get her to the point where she's happy with her relationships, and getting plenty of non-kid, non-me time, then I'm hoping her perspective on the children will change.
She has been a good mother at times, but often a very distant and hateful mother. She yells at them constantly and says things like "Being dead has GOT to be better than this" (often in earshot of the girls, and on occassion in front of some friends of ours). When she's with them, often she's not WITH them (she's texting her guy, or washing dishes, or doing laundry, or surfing Facebook, pretty much anything not to spend time with them).