Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 02-01-2013, 05:05 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
Of course, if the only problem in living with them is that J is a bit of an ass about money, you may want to address that problem and if that is resolved (you got some great suggestions on that), you may enjoy living there. But it kinda sounds like they have some other issues that may impact you adversely.
I'll tell you what the "issue" is with J "being an ass about money". I've encountered folks like this before: J has a "thing" about bailing people out financially so that she can feel justified about micromanaging their basic needs. This is totally a control thing and probably is deeply based in J's upbringing. I'm suspecting whichever one of her parents was the "primary breadwinner" always held it over the head of the other and said things like, "I pay the bills, I should make the decisions".

Of course, I know nothing at all about this, but it is a game I play with myself to make these speculations and see how right I am after all. I would say I am right at least 50% of the time, but again my stats are not complete.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 02-01-2013, 06:10 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 512
Default

There's some good advice here.

I will say that, not knowing details, if J has given/loaned thousands to M (that's a LOT of money!), J may have some legitimate complaints here. I've been in the position of helping people financially when I didn't necessarily have much to spare myself and then watching them buy nail polish and pizza and wine coolers and other things that really do add up, week after week while telling me they're flat broke and can't repay their obligations yet. Not knowing J, she may have lent money out of wanting to control and hold things over someone, or she may have lent it out of kindness and a desire to help out.

This, of course, is between M and J. I'm just saying that for you, IF that's what's going on, I think it'll help you to understand why J is frustrated. And if you're paying your obligations and not harming J financially in any way, then your finances are not her business, and she does need to understand that.

For the rest, one comment that really helped me get out of a semi-abusive situation was, "Get some counseling and get strong enough to do what you need to do."

How is your job situation? Can you move into your own apartment? Can you find a single roommate where it's strictly a living situation or only friendship, such that you lose some of this emotional component?
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
metamour, poly/mono, vee, vee dynamics

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:40 PM.