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Old 01-31-2013, 08:48 PM
FindingMyselfInTheGrey's Avatar
FindingMyselfInTheGrey FindingMyselfInTheGrey is offline
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Whidbey Island, Washington, USA
Posts: 25

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Yes, your h can hopefully find a nice woman to share regular sex, intimacy, dates and all that good stuff with. A fair warning from an experienced poly person though-- this hypothetical gf may or may not want a relationship with you.

Triads are rare. Sometimes we actively dislike our metamours. Hopefully we at least feel neutral and can be polite in passing. Sometimes there can be true friendship. Rarely there can be real romantic love and even more rarely, sexual activity. All 3 living together in peace and harmony? Chances are extremely slim.
I understand that there is a difference between a desired and a realistic relationship. I am hopeful that we could find someone that we can both have a relationship with. I desire a deep friendship with my metamour, but in reality I understand that this may not happen and that I may need to be satisfied with a neutral, polite relationship. At a bare minimum I want to have open, respectful communication with her.
We have a desire to share a life, a home, and a long-term relationship with someone we both like in some way. However we also realize that this is a rare occurrence and would realistically be satisfied with just living close enough for Hubbs to visit on a regular basis.

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
If he wants sex every day, I think throwing around the "hyper" word is unhelpful and possibly hurtful. He is not an oversexed beast.
I hadn’t meant him to sound like an ‘oversexed beast’ because that’s not how I feel about him at all. I just used the term as a way to describe his needs…not who he is. He is an amazing man. Full of courage, honor, creativity, strength, life and love, he is more than his desire for frequent sex. If it was all about sex for him, I wouldn’t have any desire to be in any sort of relationship with him.

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Have you agreed to him starting to look for a gf while you and he are living apart? OK Cupid (free dating site, poly friendly) is a good place to start.
While were divorced he had been seeing a woman and is currently communicating with her his change in marital status, and our agreement for an open relationship (and that I am ok with Hubbs and her being together). Neither of them is looking for anything long-term at this time and need to keep their relationship on the DL due to their jobs. So there are minimal chances of any long term relationship between the two of them. As soon as his current contract is up, he will be leaving his job and moving here, at which time they will be going their different directions.
At the same time Hubbs has given me the ok to have a non-sexual cuddle-buddy.
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