Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Articles

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 01-30-2013, 06:19 PM
TantricSpirit's Avatar
TantricSpirit TantricSpirit is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: North Jersey, just outside NYC
Posts: 22
Default Satisfying the relationship of three

I found this article by David Noble addressing Unicorns, discretion, honesty, fairness and jealousy in a poly relationship. I found this to be a wonderful article and may have some solutions for those hitting some obstacles along the road to a complete union of three.

Tantric Spirit
__________________
“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” ~Dalai Lama
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 01-30-2013, 07:11 PM
FindingMyselfInTheGrey's Avatar
FindingMyselfInTheGrey FindingMyselfInTheGrey is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Whidbey Island, Washington, USA
Posts: 25
Default

Can you provide a link or article title so that others may find it?
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 01-30-2013, 08:55 PM
TantricSpirit's Avatar
TantricSpirit TantricSpirit is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: North Jersey, just outside NYC
Posts: 22
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FindingMyselfInTheGrey View Post
Can you provide a link or article title so that others may find it?
Thanks, I forgot to do so:

http://davidlnoble.com/so-somebody-c...nicorn-hunter/
__________________
“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” ~Dalai Lama
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 01-31-2013, 06:27 PM
FindingMyselfInTheGrey's Avatar
FindingMyselfInTheGrey FindingMyselfInTheGrey is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Whidbey Island, Washington, USA
Posts: 25
Default

Thanks for the link!
I took some time to read the article; wow lots of great information there.
I'm probably going to have to rearead it a few times in order for all of the info to sink in properly.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 01-31-2013, 07:50 PM
TantricSpirit's Avatar
TantricSpirit TantricSpirit is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: North Jersey, just outside NYC
Posts: 22
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FindingMyselfInTheGrey View Post
Thanks for the link!
I took some time to read the article; wow lots of great information there.
I'm probably going to have to rearead it a few times in order for all of the info to sink in properly.
You're welcomed! You're not alone, lots of good information and I too have to re-read it to own it and follow it.

T
__________________
“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” ~Dalai Lama
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-16-2013, 04:10 AM
LotusesandRoses's Avatar
LotusesandRoses LotusesandRoses is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 110
Default

What? Solo poly women are human beings with rights who should have their wishes and feelings taken into consideration? Stop the presses! This kind of radical idea could tear apart the poly community!
__________________
“Edit yourself, bitch. Edit yourself.” – Chad Michaels
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-18-2013, 03:15 PM
Razorbacktat Razorbacktat is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 41
Default

I think one of the hardest things to do in a poly relationship is to reprogram yourself to thing about others feelings first and yours second. It is human nature to think and protect yourself and your own needs first at the expense of the others in your poly family, but to be sucessful I beleive it is the absolute neccesity. If you are ever able to do so you get a great sence of peace.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03-20-2013, 08:04 PM
Piroska's Avatar
Piroska Piroska is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 78
Default

That was a great article. Thanks for posting it. A great way to explain the issues with stereotypical unicorn hunters for those who are new or don't understand yet.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03-21-2013, 05:53 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,130
Default

The article has come up a couple times, but thank you for reposting. I often use it to reply to ads from obvious unicorn hunters.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Razorbacktat View Post
I think one of the hardest things to do in a poly relationship is to reprogram yourself to thing about others feelings first and yours second. It is human nature to think and protect yourself and your own needs first at the expense of the others in your poly family, but to be sucessful I beleive it is the absolute neccesity. If you are ever able to do so you get a great sence of peace.
Just poly relationships? That's hard to do in any relationship!

I'm inclined towards selfishness, but I do think of other people too. However, I do believe that everyone must look out for their own needs, because it's unfair to put that burden on someone else. The alternative is to allow your needs to be trampled on, and that's not healthy either.

It all comes down to communication. Protect your needs, and explain to your partners what you're doing and why. Allow them to communicate their own needs, and come to an agreement whereby all your needs can be met.

When I go out in the world, I go with the assumption that everyone is looking out for theirself. I rely on other people to communicate to me what their needs are and how I can help them meet them. In my marriage, that has been a huge learning process for both me and my husband. He struggles to make his needs known, especially when they conflict with my needs. I struggle to identify his needs without him expressing them. As he's started, bit by bit, to express his needs, he's learned that I will try to accommodate them if I can. That perpetuates a cycle where he feels more and more comfortable expressing his needs. Positive reinforcement.
__________________
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 04-04-2013, 05:59 PM
elle elle is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 27
Default

I love this:

Trust bravely.

Love boldly.

Risk with calculation.

Be open to new experiences.

Be strong in the face of your insecurity.

Dare to grab for the life you want.

Meet exciting people.

BE an exciting person.

Build valuable relationships.

Share intimacy.
__________________
-elle
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
honesty, poly, relationship, triad, unicorn

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:57 PM.