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  #11  
Old 09-21-2012, 03:39 PM
cuninglingwist cuninglingwist is offline
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Default Your bi partner

My ex girlfriend and I had a girlfriend that used to come over for sex with us, my girl was more sexually dominant with her, however I had no problem letting them play while I watched a ball game, I thought we had everything we needed to be happy till one day my girl was almost in tears and unhappy, when I asked why, it seamed our girlfriend was not only submissive to both of us but she was what you call "passive", she enjoyed all the attention and being sexually dominated and eaten by my girlfriend, but she wouldent return the favor to her, and this drove my girlfriend nuts, it seemed so unfare and selfish, because she had no problem going down on me, but thats the way some females are.

I suspect your girlfriend is the same way, all this unhappyness and accusations with your hubby would go away if your girlfriend would go down on you, you would be very happy and wouldent care about their 1 on 1.
Dont laugh, but we even tried some BDSM and whipped her ass & cunt and punished her breast to force her to go down on her, but she said she couldent.
we ended up letting her know that she needs to find another or others to service her because of her reluctance to orally service my girl was hurting her even though otherwise we were happy together, but even with the possibility of losing two good friends that gave her an excellent sexual servicing she still would not give oral service to my girl, and my girl had such a smooth plump delicious tasty cunt that was so orgasmic and fun to work on. We let her go! within a month found a younger skinny girl that became so orraly obsesed my girl would be up against the wall in the hallway,she would be on her knees, giving oral service to my girl the min the door was closed, so erotic to watch them, seeing the satisfaction in my girls smile was awsome, especially after she cum all over the girls face, little things like this mean a lot.
So if its not happening with her, dont feel obligated, save your relationship, just tell her "your fired". hope nobody got wet reading this!
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  #12  
Old 09-21-2012, 04:49 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Cunny,

Where have you been? we haven't heard from you in a while.

"Dont laugh, but we even tried some BDSM and whipped her ass & cunt and punished her breast to force her to go down on her, but she said she couldent."

Don't LAUGH...really....that all I've been doing

Maybe you didn't punish enough or correctly ....more training was needed. Firing someone for a preference doesn't sound too kind or loving?



I think you need a blog to let out some of these fantasies... go into more detail on the fine art of breast punishment ....mouse traps I bet


As I said once before every problem or thread doesn't have an erotic fantasy solution..... Remember penthouse forum ...basement

Last edited by dingedheart; 09-21-2012 at 04:51 PM.
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  #13  
Old 09-21-2012, 04:57 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post

I think you need a blog to let out some of these fantasies... go into more detail on the fine art of breast punishment ....mouse traps I bet


As I said once before every problem or thread doesn't have an erotic fantasy solution..... Remember penthouse forum ...basement
This. ^^

I wish Cunny would take it somewhere else too. It seems like his solution to everyone's problems is "Find women who want to eat each others' pussies always, no matter what, under any circumstances."

Go find some good amateur porn or something. It's out there.
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  #14  
Old 09-24-2012, 02:48 AM
evelinkfalls evelinkfalls is offline
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Wow that is some advice, umm I haven't really thought about the whole her going down on me thing I have but I haven't .

I think I would like this of course I mean who wouldn't. But i am ok if it takes her time to reciprocate that. I've only done it twice and am not really sure it is for me maybe though I mean I never thought I would do that anyway so surprise.

After speaking to both gf and hubby I just needed to be reassured. I needed to know he still loved me and that she loved me too and isn't interested in doing a 1 on 1 with him she also apologized for not being there and hurting my feelers. Hubby has agreed to back things up to where I'm comfortable. I understand now after actually communicating with him he has friends feelings for her and a fantasy of it would be cool if he were able to be with her then tell me about it, I dont find this to be a turn on sorry I'd like to and maybe one day I will but she and I both feel girl on girl way hotter and way hotter to talk about to hubby so, right now I think things are mending I feel calmer about the situation than I have in weeks and am starting to be able to let some of my hurt go.
I really needed to stop being mad at myself also for not listening to hubby when he was trying to tell me to take things slower we both moved very fast so now we have backed up and are sorta starting over, with good communication between the three of us not just me to her or me to my hubby or her to my hubby.

I need to trust that neither of them is trying to hurt me and thats a scary thing to have to trust not just one person but two.

I think it has also helped me tremendously to know how she feels towards me, its nice to hear you are loved.

So we will just go from here that is all we can do, and try for better more honest communication on all sides.
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  #15  
Old 01-29-2013, 07:29 PM
evelinkfalls evelinkfalls is offline
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Default update to the craziness

So it's been a few months since I was on here and I must say things went downhill very quickly.
So after we all sat down and talked about what we wanted out of the relationship and what our relationship was and that it was exclusive. Gf did a complete 180 and ended up not talking to either of us and having casual unprotected sex with a few different people. Absolutely a deal breaker. Then apparently she had been telling her friends she was going to take hubby for herself and that they had been screwing around behind my back and her new baby could be his and she was hoping she was cuz then I would be out of the picture. All of which I know was not true or possible on hubbys part. I have no doubts she was saying things just what remains a mystery but hubby and I have a pretty good idea.
Anyway so after a couple of months of not speaking to one another gf and I buried the hatchet so to speak. Things are weird. Like she is trying to get her gf status back and its hard to not fall back into how things were.
How do we handle this situation? Hubby and I are not interested in anymore drama or lies being told and we are not interested in a second or a serious gf relationship at this point. We went through alot to make room for her in our marriage I went through hell being ok with things and then it was just thrown away and walked all over. I also feel like now she is husband chasing and not in a I'm happy to share way. I would be lying if I said I didnt miss the physical connection we all had.
That being said though I can't get past how disposable she made not just my friendship but also my family and marriage.
Is it wrong of us to shut her out sexually and keep her at arms length. She has stayed over a couple of times the first time we ( hubby,myself and gf) talked and cuddled and slept nothing else the next time hubby didn't want to sleep with us, he doesn't want to lead her on in anyway. She got agitated that he wouldn't come to bed and then ended up by leaving early morning without saying bye or anything.
Is it best to at this point to keep her out of our bed in anyway or how do we handle this? We like her and don't want to lose the kids but we are just at a loss on things should be
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  #16  
Old 01-29-2013, 07:40 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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I don't understand. If something is a dealbreaker, it means if the other person does it, you don't date them anymore. period. end of sexual relationship. it means you can't be involved with them anymore for your OWN sanity.

Usually in this case most people wouldn't even want to be friends with somebody who lied or was disrespectful like that, or risked your life by having unprotected sex with other people. I really can't see why you'd be having her sleep over or even giving her the time of day.

I'm confused about why you need other people to tell you that keeping her in your life is a really questionable decision, but I'm going to guess that is what 99% of all people in the known universe would say.
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  #17  
Old 01-29-2013, 07:43 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Yes, if someone ignores you, breaks the boundaries that you jointly set, and then spreads disrespectful lies about you, you shouldn't sleep with them. Or even be friends with them. How does this not go without saying?
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  #18  
Old 01-29-2013, 08:16 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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I think your lingering romantic feelings for her could be clouding your judgement here.

You miss her. I get that. But here's your current goals and behaviors you list in your post. Could examine it through the lens of "What behavior am I choosing that supports my goal? What behavior does not?"

CURRENT GOALS:
  • We buried the hatchet, made peace, like her and the kids and want to be friendly.
  • Hubby and I are not interested in anymore drama or lies being told.
  • We are not interested in a second or a serious gf relationship at this point.
  • We want to shut her out sexually and keep her at arms length.

BEHAVIORS:
  • You invite the ex-gf for a sleepovers. (caution ahead!)
    • If in guest room or couch? (Great. Friend zone. Supports arm's length. Supports less drama.)
    • In your bed?. (This is not friend zone behavior. Could lead to drama.Not honest with yourself or her if goals is friend only. )
  • DH opts out of the next cuddle sleepover not wanting to lead her on. (Support less drama, supports arm distance.)
  • Ex-Gf gets upset and leaves. This is you and DH protecting yourselves from drama and misunderstandings HOW? Have you...
    • Communicated your boundaries and goals to the exGF clearly and honestly? (Did you set her up with mixed message or was that her own faulty expectation alone?)
    • Is she honoring your boundaries/goals even after being told them? (Can't control her behavior, CAN control hanging around with her)
    • Are YOU honoring your own boundaries/goals? (Could control your own behavior.)

If she is not looking out for her own best healths by not accepting mixed messages from you and asking you to clarify first -- that's on her.

But you and DH do not seem to be choosing behavior consistent with your goals all the time here. That is on YOU two.

Everyone has to hold their own baggage. Inviting ex-gf now friend into bed is giving her mixed message. You are giving YOU mixed messages like that and not giving you the environment you need to stop missing her as a GF and open yourself to her as a friend only.
  • You could apologize to her for giving mixed messages and clarify that you want to be only friends and keep it in the friend zone. Could ask her to call you into account if you move out of the friend zone unaware. Could do same for her.
  • You could consistently choose behavior (in words and actions) that helps move you forward toward your goals instead.

If the goal has changed (ex: "get back together with my ex") that's another story and you could have to re-evaluate.

But if those are the goal? The bottom line?

You could maintain good boundaries, could not send mixed messages, could keep your own behavior in the friend zone, could call her into account if she does not keep her expectations/behavior in the friend zone and you could not invite her into your bed at all.

Cuddles or casual sex -- you don't do that with friend only people.

HTH!
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-29-2013 at 08:47 PM.
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  #19  
Old 01-29-2013, 08:38 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by evelinkfalls View Post
So it's been a few months since I was on here and I must say things went downhill very quickly.
So after we all sat down and talked about what we wanted out of the relationship and what our relationship was and that it was exclusive. Gf did a complete 180 and ended up not talking to either of us and having casual unprotected sex with a few different people. Absolutely a deal breaker. Then apparently she had been telling her friends she was going to take hubby for herself and that they had been screwing around behind my back and her new baby could be his and she was hoping she was cuz then I would be out of the picture. All of which I know was not true or possible on hubbys part. I have no doubts she was saying things just what remains a mystery but hubby and I have a pretty good idea.
Anyway so after a couple of months of not speaking to one another gf and I buried the hatchet so to speak. Things are weird. Like she is trying to get her gf status back and its hard to not fall back into how things were.
How do we handle this situation? Hubby and I are not interested in anymore drama or lies being told and we are not interested in a second or a serious gf relationship at this point. We went through alot to make room for her in our marriage I went through hell being ok with things and then it was just thrown away and walked all over. I also feel like now she is husband chasing and not in a I'm happy to share way. I would be lying if I said I didnt miss the physical connection we all had.
That being said though I can't get past how disposable she made not just my friendship but also my family and marriage.
Is it wrong of us to shut her out sexually and keep her at arms length. She has stayed over a couple of times the first time we ( hubby,myself and gf) talked and cuddled and slept nothing else the next time hubby didn't want to sleep with us, he doesn't want to lead her on in anyway. She got agitated that he wouldn't come to bed and then ended up by leaving early morning without saying bye or anything.
Is it best to at this point to keep her out of our bed in anyway or how do we handle this? We like her and don't want to lose the kids but we are just at a loss on things should be
Just tell her the part that I bolded up there.

I can't believe how well you articulated the problems you have/had with her and then turn around and say "should we or shouldn't we?" Read your post again and imagine that your best friend or a close relative wrote that. What would you tell them to do?
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  #20  
Old 01-31-2013, 06:38 AM
evelinkfalls evelinkfalls is offline
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I know my questioning probably irritates some of you who have been doing this for awhile. I have not this was my first relationship like this and my first with a woman and I am finding it hard to be in the friend zone when I still find myself attracted to her.

Gala thank you for breaking things down like you did it does help to see.

We have told her we are not interested in a relationship like that. But we did say we missed her and were confused by how things should be now. We also told her about a girl who is interested in us and we would like to get to know better, not in a sexual way. Is it ok to say this? she wanted to know who she was and why she was hanging around me.

The first time she stayed over she was going to stay on the couch and yes it was my fault for any confusion because I did invite her into our bed.However this was because we had all been drinking she more than we and we also had another person over who creeped her out who was staying on the other couch. The second time she came over I and hubby had no idea she was staying the night. She just stayed. I know I could have should have said you got the couch but she just went in and jumped in bed. I know I should have asked her to hit the couch, but it seemed rude somehow. As far as the rumors and things which have been being said, she denies these things she does say she told the thrid party things and regrets doing so but I honestly don't get why someone whom I don't know and who was and is her friend would say the wild and vicious things she said without them being said to her or at least some of it being said to her.

The reason I ask advice is because I really did value the friendship we had and I am so confused by the feelings I have been having. Part of me loves her as my friend, part of me is attracted to her and part of me wants to hate her. I feel guilty that I still have feelings for this woman, I feel guilty that I don't trust her intentions. I also question if I even if I should.
I know if the situation were with a family member I would tell them to stay the hell away from her. And our family members have told us this but we don't know if this is because they see what kind of person she is or if they are upset with what our relationship was with her.
There is this part of me who wants to believe this third party made everything up and my friend would have never done that or anything to hurt me. I feel dumb for feeling this way but I do.

Questions- Will those feelings that I had for her go away?
How do I make them?
Will the hurt that I feel from her betrayl go away? Will I ever be able to trust her? I know they say to forgive and forget but I am finding this difficult. Or is it really just cut and dry and I should just walk away from her.
I hate being a noob and having feelings
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