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Old 01-29-2013, 06:00 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
As a parent, your children ARE entitled to you acting in a particular way (granted, not based on their wants, but based on their emotional and physical needs.) Children do not choose to have you for parents, and thus have no responsibility to respect your autonomy as an independent adult. You have the right to behave as an independent adult only so far as it does not detract from your responsibility to your children. They have every right to expect you to make certain sacrifices in order to provide a safe, loving, and supportive environment for them to grow up in.

Consequently, as a parent (partnered or not), you are entitled to expect your other co-parent(s) to act according to these responsibilities. By choosing to raise children with you, they have forsaken a portion of their autonomy. You have the right to enforce that when the children's needs require it.
Quoted For Truth. Marcus, your response works fine for those who are able to trust their partners to act responsibly and follow through with their obligations. But as we've seen on this forum and around the world, a LOT of adults can be very, VERY selfish, intentionally or not. Sometimes even with the best of intentions, especially if they're swept up in NRE, they need a little kick in the pants that tells them, "No, I do not feel that's acceptable, and here's why-" Your hope is exactly that, a goal to work towards, not something that helps get the day-to-day things done in the Here and Now.

Differentiating solo-poly vs family-poly misses the point. These kinds of expectations have nothing to do with poly and everything to do with family. The same types of expectations arise in family-mono. "No, you can't go out and drink beers with your buddies. You've been working late all week and our daughter needs her daddy to tuck her in tonight."
Our society recognizes a HUGE difference between a single adult and family. There's a difference in financial resources, time available, and responsibilities. What's wrong with looking more closely at how that difference affects the practice of polyamory?

I have a compass in my head now. Imagine "Solo Poly" at North, "Family Poly" at East, "Family Mono" at South, and "Solo Mono" at West. Rather than a linear spectrum like we use to talk about gender or sexuality, I see a circular spectrum, with "Family Poly" having some things in common with "Solo Poly" and some thing in common with "Family Mono". I don't feel it misses the point, I feel it EMPHASIZES the point that poly isn't really THAT different from mono. There are some differences, yes. And some of those differences are significant. But the things about respect for a partner, being responsible for kids, the need for communication, etc. are the same. So, to bring it back to the original topic of the article, I guess my main issue comes down to, "Why do we have to make such a big deal about the differences between mono and poly in the first place??" But, like the author's rant about the media focusing on attractive people, I suppose it has a simple answer: "Because human nature".
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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