Is this perception accurate? I'm new....

[StudentofLife]

Wow--thank you all very much for your replies. That was wonderful.

AnnabelMore--You are totally right. I did completely skip the single people. I think I've been so curious about how couples handle this, I failed to do any reading about the perspective of the singles on here. Thank you for pointing that out!

BoringGuy--I don't see the paradox? If I am studying something, then in a way I am a student. If the subject is various ways of life, then am I not studying life? In asking what might be ahead from people who have been where I haven‘t, I see it as being similar to someone asking about travel to a foreign country from people who are natives or frequent travelers. I had hoped that in some ways asking the members here to teach me a bit of what they know would be reasonable. Perhaps your point was that life itself should be the teacher, and that’s valid. To me, however, it seems akin to taking off for that foreign country without a guide book, currency, a translation dictionary, or suitable wardrobe. No doubt I'd learn a lot--if I didn't die within the first 24 hours! I was hoping to have a slightly more....gentle learning experience. :-)

LovingRadiance--I have never studied statistics, but it sounds like you know a lot about it. Before I posted, I was thinking about that statistic you always hear, that 50% of marriages end in divorce. I thought there might be something comparable available, but you all made good points as to why that's not so.

Jane--Thank you very much for your response. It was thought-provoking, and I will go read the links.

GalaGirl--Thank you so much for the additional links. Two of those are ones I had never seen before. I will do some more reading.

I appreciate all your responses.

[LovingRadiance]

Someday, some statistics will be more readily available-as college students and scientists have already begun studying alternative lifestyles.
But it will take years to collect a reasonable amount of information to even start basing educated guesses on it.

At this point, the best information available is probably what works/doesn't work in general for any relationship. Take that and multiply it exponentially (check out galagirls links on polymath tiers for explanation) to identify the risk places in your own relationships.
(for example, if you know one or more of you is weak in interpersonal communication-that's a risk factor).

[AutumnalTone]

Originally Posted by StudentofLife

Hi,


The really experienced people here appear to have years of happiness, then something changes and it starts to fall apart. They make comments that perhaps they will give up the poly lifestyle entirely, or end very long relationships in order to break with the lives they have built.
I am curious if the poly lifestyle in general tends to be a phase, and if a

And the folks who have years of happiness where it doesn't fall apart--you think they're going to be posting about all of their non-dramatic continuation in their relationships? Would anybody want to read a post that says, essentially "Still together, yup"?

As with most anything that is part of the human experience, there will be some folks who will never try polyamory, some who will occasionally do so, some who do so for a good while then stop, and others who will do so regularly throughout their lives. There's nothing about polyamory that makes it different than much of anything else in that regard.

[StudentofLife]

[QUOTE=AutumnalTone;181487]And the folks who have years of happiness where it doesn't fall apart--you think they're going to be posting about all of their non-dramatic continuation in their relationships? Would anybody want to read a post that says, essentially "Still together, yup"?


Yes, I think a few people might want to read stories just like that. Admittedly, it is lacking in drama, but it would make up for that in comfort. The happily-ever-after ending is popular for a reason. My reading in the blogs section seems to indicate that some people like reading about their friends being happy, and coasting along smoothly.
But I do grasp that on this forum, it is generally about problem solving, not problem solved.

[StudentofLife]

Just an addedcomment, if I may--

My initial post was made one week ago, when I had just joined this forum. It was titled "Is this perception accurate?" If I had a time machine and could go back one week to respond to myself I would say, "No, it is not accurate. You're not getting it...read some more, learn some more. And please, wait to post anything until you have done so."
Sadly, my Tardis is in the shop and so I am left with my error hanging out there, flapping in the breeze. :-(

[Mont1950]

I like this thread started by SOL. I joined this forum to get a better broader understanding of life itself, after I ran across that series, on Showcase or Bravo I think, about the poly life style. What I find interesting in my own case is; I am on my second marriage. I absolutely love my wife, I have a reasonably healthy relationship with my first wife (the mother of my grown daughter) who remains unattached at the moment. I have a very strong relationship with all my step children, even a good strong relationship with an ex brother in law. I recently told my wife that I always want to be in her life and if for whatever reason she did not think she wanted to remain married to me or wanted someone else I would reluctantly share her but my preference would be to not have to do so. I was shocked to hear her say that her first husband said the same thing to her but she simply would never consider something like that. I am surprised by how strongly I feel about my own convictions on this. I am not a young lad anymore but I am constantly amazed at what life can teach me. This thread has made me think even harder about my own understanding of what a great relationship can be.

Mont

[AnnabelMore]

Don't feel too bad SoL, it was a perfectly understandable question. People here, perhaps even moreso than on other forums, speak forthrightly, so our answers may have come off as judgmental, but I don't think most/any were intended that way. And, y'know, if percentages WERE available, I wouldn't be surprised if a fair number of people DID engage in mono relationships early on, then engage in poly relationships for a period of time, and then decide that mono worked better for them.

[GalaGirl]

It was an honest question / feeling from you at that point in time. Now you are at THIS point in time, feeling something else.

It's all good.

Life is journey.

GG

[redpepper]

The blog section is a good place to get an overview of peoples lives. Some of us have been writing here for years and just live it. I think, like anything, there is a life span to it. I identified as a Lesbian for years. I thought that was it. It wasn't. Now I don't. I don't expect to be poly for the rest of my life either. I don't expect and assume anything if I can possibly help it. Maybe everything is a lifestyle for the moment your at in your life.

I agree with whomever said that those of us who live it everyday and don't have drama have nothing to write about really.

[BoringGuy]

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore

People here, perhaps even moreso than on other forums, speak forthrightly, so our answers may have come off as judgmental, but I don't think most/any were intended that way.

Speaking for myself (as if I could speak for anyone else), I am CONSTANTLY judging everyone and everything around me, and wouldn't pretend otherwise. However, I continually integrate new data and information into my judgments, so it is definitely possible for me to think even less of someone as things come to pass. I also enjoy watching other people back-pedal when they say something ridiculous and get called on it.

The cool thing about it is that others are free to judge me as they will, and I watch with interest in case they say something useful.