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Old 01-28-2013, 08:34 PM
2nite 2nite is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3
Default Do these things ever end well?

Hi, I'm rather new here. I've lurked for a while, but decided to finally join.

The reason I'm joining is to ask a question. My husband and I opened up our relationship a year or two ago. I hadn't really pursued much until the past few months, and I ended up meeting someone on the internet that I really liked. He lives a few hours from me, so we met up one time for coffee and really hit it off.

I knew better than to get involved with someone who was cheating, but he was in a don't ask-don't tell situation with his wife. I initially got the impression things were a bit more open than they were, due to my own misunderstandings, not anything he said. Anyway, he said (from one of his first emails) that he wasn't comfortable with this situation, and after we met, he decided he wanted to talk to his wife about being open before things went any further. I felt this was a good idea.

I didn't expect much drama because he described their marriage as close and stable. But now, it's like a bomb went off. He found out that her agreement with DADT was a bluff, and she's flipping out that he wants to have an emotional connection with anyone else. And, of course, they ended up uncovering some other pretty serious issues with the relationship. I'm trying to be supportive and doing what I can to offer advice, knowing full well that if they work this out, I'm out of the picture as she simply won't accept him being with another woman. I have to admit that it's awfully hard. We've only known each other for a few months, but I have gotten to care about him. (And sometimes I kick myself for letting that happen...as well as for my role in this whole thing.)

So there's the situation...and I guess my question is simple: is there any hope a situation like this will work out well for everyone involved or is it doomed to failure? I have to admit that this has put me on an emotional roller coaster. I'd feel better if I had a realistic view of what's going to happen rather than waffling between despair and hope. (I feel bad for putting my husband through this, too, though he's been an absolute rock.)
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dadt, marriage vs. polyamory

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