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Old 01-28-2013, 07:05 AM
katja24 katja24 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 38
Question Primary & Secondary Broke Up

J came home tonight from his date with his secondary, C. It sounds like they broke up, and from the little bit of information that J is giving me, it stemmed from the fact that C felt neglected. J mentioned that his ability to provide emotional energy has been expended on me the past few weeks, and he has had little leftover to give to her.

I don't know how to feel about this. We had an exceptionally difficult week last week (re: Romantic Needs Not Being Met post) and we have both been in much better space with each other since Thursday.

I did not know he was not investing very much emotionally in his other relationship, and I know it is not my responsibility how he conducts his relationships and where he puts his energies. I do FEEL a sense of guilt for somehow causing this relationship to end, even if I logically KNOW it is not my fault.

I am assuming others have gone through a similar situation... I would appreciate hearing how others have coped with it, or if anyone has a different perspective of feedback to offer, I would appreciate hearing that as well. Thank you.

PS: It is not yet clear if they really did break up, or if C gave J a lot of feedback about their relationship and he is feeling upset that he hasn't invested enough energy into the relationship. He has shut me out momentarily.
25 yr old queer woman with primary male partner, J
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