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  #91  
Old 01-28-2013, 12:55 AM
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
We have a family agreement that we don't promote contact between our kids and any person who is disrespectful to any one of the four parents.
I see, I was curious about the context of it coming out; she accidentally outed herself because she didn't know the rules. For the best, in retrospect. It's counter-intuitive that she'd want to be an integral part of a family in which she felt such strong negative emotions about one of the other members. People are so strange.
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  #92  
Old 01-28-2013, 01:36 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
I see, I was curious about the context of it coming out; she accidentally outed herself because she didn't know the rules. For the best, in retrospect. It's counter-intuitive that she'd want to be an integral part of a family in which she felt such strong negative emotions about one of the other members. People are so strange.
No kidding, eh? "I don't like you, but I want to use your child for my own selfish purposes. You're cool with that, right? No? I'm so offended that you're offended by me not liking you!"
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  #93  
Old 01-28-2013, 03:54 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
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Yes. For the best and yes, people are so strange. I can't grasp the idea of wanting to integrate myself with people I strongly dislike. In fact-with their children either actually as I have found there tends to be a common thread in personality and behavior (not always, but frequently) at least until they are grown. (lol. I accidentally typed groan)
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  #94  
Old 01-30-2013, 10:57 PM
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Default My husband

My husband simply just doesn't want to know. He has always had issues with sex and sexuality, I don't see why I should fit the cookie cutter recipe of other relationships when we simply aren't the same.

Our situation is different. My husband was date raped and he just never really likes to talk about sex or people hooking up. He doesn't like me to touch him in his private part and hates it when I say something overtly sexual. It bothers him.

I don't see a need to talk to him and let him know what I am doing, it will just make things worse.

I love him in spite of all this. Yes, it probably is not healthy, but it is what we have and what I have to work with.
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  #95  
Old 01-30-2013, 11:38 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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I'd say your situation definitely falls under "special circumstances". He doesn't want to hear about sex PERIOD. It's not about him trying to pretend something isn't happening so he feels safer in his relationship. At least, that's the impression I got.

Hopefully sometime in the future he can find a way to work through his issues from the past so he can be more comfortable in his daily life, since sex is EVERYWHERE in our society.
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  #96  
Old 01-30-2013, 11:45 PM
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He kinda doesn't want to know that something is happening but it is because of his issues with sex. Whenever we did have sex it was with the lights off, missionary style and it was always the same. At times it was very awkward.

I know he has had times when he is horny, I really don't know what to make of him sometimes. I try to back off and not pressure him, I do hope someday he will get the help he needs.

I found this forum because I have no one close to talk to about this. My family is ultra conservative and religious and so are most of my friends. It is not easy.
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  #97  
Old 01-31-2013, 12:51 AM
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My wife and I (and we're new to this) talk, but we don't hammer out an obligation to tell everything, particularly if we feel it needs to stay private.
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  #98  
Old 01-31-2013, 11:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyjools View Post
I read on another thread and didn't want to hyjack it,

so i am curious about this, becuase for me I want to know I do ask lots of quetsions (mainly because im nosey) and even if sometimes the answers make me react a certiain way. I may feel insecure or jelous i think thats ok because then i can actually deal with those feelings and talk them through and usually resolve them,

I also don't want sex to be taboo subject and in past i have always been very free in regards to talk about sex.

I am aware though that Montianboy doesn't want to hear detials and i try to respect that even if i don't fully understand why.

What are other peoples opinions on this?

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Bad idea for the army, bad idea for people.

I've never seen a DADT situation end well. Invariably someone finds out about someone else and there's surprise, anger, hurt feelings and generally negative reactions.

I usually extend the saying to "what is out of your sight, you will let drive you out of your mind." The human mind is soooo much better at coming up with those spicy, insecurity-stoking details than reality.
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Last edited by Helo; 01-31-2013 at 11:31 AM.
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  #99  
Old 02-01-2013, 03:47 PM
Stevenjaguar Stevenjaguar is offline
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I can understand what's going on. My fiancee has a gf that she's been close to since they were 15 (they're 22 now) and she's always been uncomfortable telling me about anything sexual they do together. I knew she was actively bi when I started dating her and she spends the night with J once or twice a month and I'm happy she does since J is also a good friend of mine. I've always been curious and wanting to talk about it but she says its a personal thing between the two of them and she doesn't feel like she should share with another person. I think it would be a very intimate thing.
I've only been there once when they had sex and it was much like what we do together - lots of cuddling and kissing and touching, oral back and forth followed by penetrative sex, which they did for each other. I'm less curious about it now but I would still like to talk about it.
I understand, too, about being surrounded by conservative family and friends and having to hide our relationships. We took a trip to see her family up north and the only one who knows is an aunt who actually approves. The rest are fundamentalists.
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  #100  
Old 02-02-2013, 04:12 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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But that's not a DADT policy. When she goes to spend the night with her gf, she doesn't tell you that she's going on a business trip. You know she has this girlfriend, you know that they have sex, and you know that they're together when they are.

The opposite of DADT is not "we tell each other each and every thing that happens when we're together with our other partner." The opposite of DADT is disclosure about the fact of having the relationship, the fact of having sex with someone else, the fact of where you're going when you go out. How much detail you give one another about those other relationships is a different spectrum altogether.
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