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  #11  
Old 01-24-2013, 05:42 PM
northhome northhome is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
enablers, enablers, everywhere. refusing to enable someone's denial labeled "senselessly cruel". tra-la-la. carry on.
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  #12  
Old 01-25-2013, 04:30 AM
GSAS082612 GSAS082612 is offline
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Originally Posted by LikeFireToIce View Post
I just past this post and had to read all your previous ones to completely understand.

So, here is my input: I have been in and out of poly-relationships since I was 17. I have been with people 10+ my senior. I have never been happier than when I was with a man and woman who were completely compatible with me. But that is irrelevant. It's just simply an understanding to being with a "much older man". He doesn't seem all that old. He's 17 years your senior. My parents are 20 years apart and they've never been happier. The age difference doesn't seem as big of a deal to me.

You say a lot of the same things, in different ways, I am not sure if you realized this, but I have and so have many others but unlike what BoringGuy said, I am not going to be so senselessly cruel. All you are trying to do is get help it seems and I commend you for that. Not many really realize it and you obviously have a lot of love and care for these two but are blinded by the imperfection of it all. No love is perfect. Yes, effortless love is beautiful but no love is perfect, so you can;t say it is "effortless".

Now, your girlfriend. You and her seem to be at odds with each other, are you too similar, too different. Despite the "odds" your at with each other, passion seems to come from your end and that is important. Just make sure she knows that, not just you. You two seem to be wanting the same thing but going round and round each other, so you don't see the effort either of you are making. And that can be confusing. Just communicate. That is my biggest and best advice I can give as far as her.

I see that you yearn for a child as well. Waiting or not, you need to be on the same page as your lovers are. And I can see with why you are so upset with the loss of your daughter, I empathize with you, sweetie, I am sorry. I just have to say everything takes time. And you have to give it time.

My best advice, no one can change you, and no one can tell you what to do to fix it. Only you can. So, do it. COMMUNICATE and don't be irrational. Give each other time to talk. Give each other all that you need. alone and together. With just:
A.
S.
G.
A+S.
A+G.
S+G.
A+S+G.
YOU ALL need that individual time and together time. It will be skewed and maybe you aren't ready but if you love them as much as you say you do, you can only do what is best for you, and if that's them, then you need to work on what you want to fix.

You've realized your flaws now, what are YOU going to change them. No one on here can tell you what to do. But also, it's not just you or them. or either or, you ALL have flaws to work on. Work on them together or apart, just work on them, you seem to need a lot of time with your lovers, love them, talk to them, communicate. Give them time, as they should give you the time as well.



Keep This Going. KEEP FIGHT AND KEEP TRYING IF ITS WHAT YOU WANT.
No one can make any of these decisions though. You have to.

Always here to help if you want.

Remember: COMMUNICATE
If we are all being honest here, you sound JUST like my boyfriend... Kinda creepy. Thanks for the advice all of you, at least those who are being nice. I don't need the criticism, I am looking for help. I appreciate that you gave me it. But seriously...... you sound like my boyfriend O.o
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  #13  
Old 01-25-2013, 04:33 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GSAS082612 View Post
I don't need the criticism, I am looking for help.
TITLE OF THE THREAD:
Quote:
Help me fix my mistakes, I need criticism and help. PLEASE!
Seriously?!? *facepalm*
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  #14  
Old 01-25-2013, 07:32 AM
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BreatheDeeply BreatheDeeply is offline
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This needs to be blunt. People are giving you really good advice here (not just here but your other threads too). You are at a point in your life however where two things are in conflict:
  1. the only power you have is the power to change yourself
  2. only adults understand the above statement

So, in a nutshell, you're a helical trace about an axis on an inclined plane (Big Bang Theorem - sorry, couldn't resist a bit of humor)*




* i.e., you're screwed. Seriously though, you're looking for a fix that doesn't exist.
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Last edited by BreatheDeeply; 01-25-2013 at 07:34 AM.
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  #15  
Old 01-25-2013, 09:16 AM
GSAS082612 GSAS082612 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BreatheDeeply View Post
This needs to be blunt. People are giving you really good advice here (not just here but your other threads too). You are at a point in your life however where two things are in conflict:
  1. the only power you have is the power to change yourself
  2. only adults understand the above statement

So, in a nutshell, you're a helical trace about an axis on an inclined plane (Big Bang Theorem - sorry, couldn't resist a bit of humor)*




* i.e., you're screwed. Seriously though, you're looking for a fix that doesn't exist.

I meant I don't need the criticism about my posts, I need criticism on my post. Maybe I post things for a reason. To get help, not to be told that me and my lover deserve each other because we are drama. I am asking for criticism on what I am doing wrong within my relationship, not what I am doing wrong on the polyamory website. TOTAL DIFFERENCE
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  #16  
Old 01-25-2013, 09:26 AM
GSAS082612 GSAS082612 is offline
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Angry It'd be much appreciated if....

I chose this website to seek help on something I am new at. Something I just got involved with. So maybe I don't know the rules of being poly-fi and I still have dramatic tendencies because I am still young and maybe I have a habit of writing a lot of the same stuff. I don't think nor see that I am. All I am asking for is help, constructive criticism, advice. Not people to bash on me about my age or what is so desperately wrong with my posts. At least I am choosing an outlet in which I want to see different opinions, at least I am trying. THAT IS WORTH SOMETHING! GalaGirl, has been the only one to comment consecutively without bashing me, she has given out what she would do, she has given me constructive criticism, and advice. And yes, I appreciate the time and effort people are using to give me advice, and I will do with it what I may. Maybe I am using the tactics that others have suggested, but it's not working, or it's too soon to tell if it will do any good. You are assuming that I am not working on my relationshop, or that I am too young. and you are thinking rude thoughts about a girl you don't know. Practically being bullies in a sense hiding behind a computer screen and a user name, bashing a young girl who is seeking help. I don't need people to bash me and tell me how "naive and young and stupid" I am. I already know, I live my life. I hear it on a daily basis. Maybe you get off on upsetting a girl who is just trying to get help, or maybe you don't. I don't know and I don't want to assume. But, if your going to bash me instead of give me constructive criticism, I'd prefer you not comment on my post. It's respect you learn it when you're young.
"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
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  #17  
Old 01-25-2013, 11:51 AM
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BreatheDeeply BreatheDeeply is offline
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In under a week you've started 4 threads, received thousands of positive words of feedback from over a dozen different repliers (many from some very knowledgeable people with a great understanding of life) and yet you say nothing is working for you? It's been less then a week! What did you expect?

There is no magic pill here. No wonderful words of wisdom from strangers that will fix all your problems. There's just you and those of us willing to give you some of our time, experience, and yes a bit of love to help you through a very difficult time.

No one is trying to be mean or cruel. Some of us (well, me, can't speak for others) believe that you're delaying the inevitable.

But in the end none of these words really matter. All that matters is what you're going to do with your life. A big change is coming - and change is always risky.

Without any doubt you will be able to find the strength to change your circumstances. And is there really any reason to delay? Is there any point to finding ways to rephrase the same problems in the hope of getting a different answer? No, there isn't. I think you have more then enough knowledge to do what you need to do.

.
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  #18  
Old 01-25-2013, 12:13 PM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Nobody is "bashing" you, although I'm a little astonished that people are still trying to help you given that you've not only ignored just about all the advice you've been offered so far, but have also insulted the people trying to offer it. Having said that though, here goes nothing...

I don't believe that the way you are being treated has anything directly to do with your age. If you are truly looking for solutions to your problems but keep getting the same (consistent and well thought out but apparently unacceptable) advice, then perhaps you need to re-word your questions and offer explanations when you're asked for clarification. If you keep asking the same questions you shouldn't be surprised when you keep getting the same answers. If you re-word the questions and still get the same answers then you need to consider that perhaps they're the only answers applicable to your situation. In other words, 1+2 will continue to equal 3 no matter how many threads you start to double-check it. This will be true even if you ask if 2+1 might equal something different, or what about 1+1+1?

I realise that as this post doesn't contain the digital equivalent of a group hug you will see it as part of the persecution you feel you're suffering, but if you take a few moments to read it instead of jumping straight into the drama of it all you might find it contains some useful advice.
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  #19  
Old 01-25-2013, 04:07 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Sweetie, you're self harming... That breaks my heart.

Please seek professional help. Relationships with others do not matter at this point. Relationship with yourself is what matters.
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  #20  
Old 01-25-2013, 04:20 PM
LikeFireToIce LikeFireToIce is offline
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GSAS082612, All I speak is my own words. I am no one but a girl of experience in poly-relationships. I am not saying I am an expert but I'm not an inexperienced child either. They aren't bashing you but just offering their own advice in a different and not so-nice way. And they are simply seeing things in one way, which is the perception you have offered.

Although, unlike Emm, I do not believe that you are delaying the inevitable, there is a chance that your relationship could work. Just because because there is a few messes do you give in? If there are tons of spilled drinks on the kitchen floor, do you replace the tile? No, you clean up the mess. You pick up your mess, and you fix it and it's better, you just have to remember to pick it up. Occasionally you will have to pick up other peoples messes but it is not reason for resentment.

Sweetie, there is no way around what any of us have really said. GalaGirl has offered good advice but everyone seems to be rooting for you to get off the forum or do exactly as they offer. You don't have to do what they offer, and some of the advice isn't exactly shatter proof. But only you can choose the path that you use. that is the only thing anyone can do in any relationship, poly or not.

Your threads really do remind me of when I was young. And they intrigue me. You intrigue me, your writing does, you talk of them like they are bad people then go on to say they are good people. Is it that you've posted these at the peak of your anger, am I right? I just see all these as rants but also a call for help. And there is not much any one can do other than offer advice. Good or not, it is your decision to decide.

I offer my luck

-Lindsay -
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