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Old 01-24-2013, 02:07 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,271

When i ask these type of questions it turns into an argument.
Why? Simple conversation is not reasonable here?

HOW do you talk to her? HOW does it turn into an argument?

Its all my fault that i feel that way. Im the one with the issues not her kind of thing. That i am negative. She broke up with me once because i questioned her.
Are you actually negative or is she flipping it around on you because she does not want to be held accountable to the same expectation/standard of relationship? Or BOTH things?

Then wont talk to me and treats me like i am invisible. Then says she
deserves to be treated better.
So she does not give you the right to responsiveness. She ignores you.

But she wants a different standard of treatment for herself? What behavior does she list that would be "better treatment" like she deserves? How have you been treating her prior to this that was bad?

That i dont support her. Which is untrue. I have been under stress and pressure lately. She gives me no comfort.
How do you demonstrate support toward her? With what kind of behavior? Can you give examples?

What comfort do you want? Is it reasonable, realistic requests she is able to do that you ask of her? HOW do you ask it of her? With what words?

Ive asked for a date night with her. Just her and i. She wont do it. I am so confused and hurt.
Alright. She doesn't want to go on a date. There's serious relationship stuff going on. So... yah. I could see not wanting to hang out on a date til that gets sorted. Can you?

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Old 01-24-2013, 02:32 AM
Javabean Javabean is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 6

Your questions are making me think. Maybe it is me. I think i have high expectations and am giving more than she can give to me. I expect to much from her which in turn makes me question her.
Thank you for the questions. That helped me sort out some stuff
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Old 01-24-2013, 02:55 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,271

Well, you can have whatever personal standard you want in your relationships. The other person will have their own standard for themselves.

You are both free to come together, sort it out among yourselves, and come to SHARED agreements for how to be together and what standard to hold each other to in relationship if you decided to be together.

You are both there of your own free will, right? It's not like you are FORCED to be in relationship together.

The answer to your own personal happiness in relationship with your person probably lies somewhere in finding the balance between
  • a) Having a high enough standard to weed out crazies and users and weirdies. (Too low a standard might mean more possible dating partners but of what quality? Who need needs crazy drama in their life from crazy drama people? Ack! )
  • b) Having the standard be realistic and reasonable and actually doable and attainable. Not a high and lofty one that is just not possible at all.
  • c) Being willing for your partner to hold you to the same agreed to standard. No "double standard" monkey business where they have to do it but you are the exception.
  • d) Being willing to hold your partner accountable to the same agreed to standard. No "doormat" business where they tromp all over you.
  • e) Being willing to end it peacefully if it turns out not to be a runner after all at the starting gate or it has run its course over time and come to a natural end. No trying to make a thing that just will not GO fruther, go further than it can.

Glad the questions helped you sort some. I hope things get better over there.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-24-2013 at 03:01 AM.
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