Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #1  
Old 01-23-2013, 10:26 AM
AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
AphroditeGoneAwry AphroditeGoneAwry is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: American Northwest
Posts: 51
Default Poly, Structured

I am poly. But I don't necessarily thrive as poly in any situation. I'm coming to discover that if certain conditions are met within my relationship(s), I can thrive as poly, but without certain conditions, I don't do so well as poly.

Does that make sense?

I'll try to explain better. I have realized that, perhaps slightly more than poly, I am a dominant submissive. Meaning that I am wanting to submit, but I have a hard time finding someone worthy of submitting to; and that I am usually dominant to most people I meet (at least that is my perception :P ), so to be dominated, since I am sort-of alpha female myself, I have to find someone VERY dominant, very alpha, yet also very loving and worthy. So, I mostly crave a master, but I am capable of switching, if need be. If I have a master, then my life seems to fall into place very easily. Master can then organize and ordain my polyships according to what he feels is best for him and us and me. As the name implies, I love easily and deeply and kinkily. Yet being a discerning introvert, I cannot, lest I stretch myself too thin. A master who knows me and my strengths and weaknesses, and who loves me to distraction (at times, at least), will be able to better keep the boundaries for me that I am simply, for whatever reason, unable to keep for myself; or can bring me fruits that I am simply not capable of providing for myself. I like being 'guided' in moderation in this regard to sexually loving others, with my master being my ultimate and utmost relationship. And him guiding any and all potential polyships.

If I do not have this.....structure, let's say.....then I sort-of fumble around haphazardly and vacillate between being clingy, self-righteous, or apathetic and even angry; I want to rail and rant and rave against poly and my very human feelings that arise with polyships. And a love/hate relationship with poly ensues.

When I have this structure, or even if I just contemplate this structure, everything falls into place and feels workable and lovely and fulfilling, as if this is really me, not just an inkling I have of myself that I cannot realize. Because I feel these imposed boundaries (by someone worthy enough to be called Master) as very strong and impenetrable, so I am able to not only accept them, but embrace them, and even really dig them.

I am wondering if those who are drawn to poly, but cannot make it work; or those who struggle much with it, but still desire it, just aren't finding the proper prescription of poly for them, whatever that may be.

Thoughts?
__________________
in luce vive, vive in amore

Last edited by AphroditeGoneAwry; 01-23-2013 at 11:05 AM.
Reply With Quote
 

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:15 PM.