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  #1  
Old 01-20-2013, 03:15 AM
Starseed Starseed is offline
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Hi Everyone,

What a wonderful place you have here! I just wanted to say Thank You for the sheer quality of information available and even more importantly, the quality of the loving support I see here.
I understand how much time and effort goes into assisting each other with the many challenges that arise. For many years I've served in a similar capacity in helping people through mentoring and counseling.

My name is Dan by the way. As I feel led, I will share my experiences, but I just wanted to take the time to thank all who own, administer, moderate and post here.
You are very appreciated!

Dan
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  #2  
Old 01-20-2013, 09:31 PM
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Hi Dan,
Welcome to our forum.

I'm glad your experience here has been a positive one so far. Share, if you will, a little more about yourself, and if you have any thoughts or questions.

Regards,
Kevin T.
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  #3  
Old 01-21-2013, 06:36 PM
Starseed Starseed is offline
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Thank you for the response Kevin! Okay, I will go ahead and give a little background on myself.

I'm a straight guy. I was married for 18 years to a wonderful Bi lady. We have raised two lovely teenagers together. Been divorced now for four years.
It was ten years into our marriage before I began to realize my wife was Bi :-)

To back up a bit.....from the time I was nine until about twenty I grew up very, very isolated on the side of a mountain. My parents did a smart thing in that they knew they wanted to raise all of us eight kids outside the influence of the the basic distorted societal and cultural structures. So, I was raised not with the notion that I could or could not do certain things but instead knowing that it was I that determined what was appropriate for me. Very little programming involved, i.e. - good/bad, right/wrong.
I was also raised with a lot of love which has been my guiding light my entire lifetime.

Fast forward a bit and now I've been married for about 5 years. I was reading the Conversations with God books when the notion began to grow on me: It feels "right" to share each other in intimate relationships. This was 1995 to 1997. As a couple of years went by, I decided one of the ways I could approach this with my wife would be to offer that she (if she decided it was appropriate for her) contact an old high school boyfriend and put closure in their relationship that neither one of them had done to their satisfaction.

She was shocked that I would suggest such a thing! The idea did not catch on with her, but......a few years later I realized that she was indeed Bi. We made contact with a lady that lived over the pond and this gal came to meet us. The triad was not successful, but it helped both my wife and I to understand each other and ourselves much better.
Two years later we tried a triad again and it worked for about 6 months. All of us I believe learned a LOT for the experience and for me it was full of opportunity that I took advantage of.
One of the reasons the triad only lasted for as long as it did was that the lady who came to live with us was not Bi, but hetero. The passion was just not there for the two ladies.

Believe it or not, I had no idea until about one week ago there was even a term of "Poly" :-) I just knew that sharing was what was "right" for me because for me; my Love grows the more I share it with others and nurture it within Self.

I have been single now for four years and for the last 2.5 years I've not dated. I'm extremely happy and at peace, but its very nice to share with others this understanding of Polyamory. I see myself in the not too distant future once again sharing my love with several others.

Thank you for listening and and being here each and everyone of you!

Love & Blessings,
Dan

Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Hi Dan,
Welcome to our forum.

I'm glad your experience here has been a positive one so far. Share, if you will, a little more about yourself, and if you have any thoughts or questions.

Regards,
Kevin T.
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  #4  
Old 01-22-2013, 12:48 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Welcome to the forum!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Starseed View Post
My parents did a smart thing in that they knew they wanted to raise all of us eight kids outside the influence of the the basic distorted societal and cultural structures. So, I was raised not with the notion that I could or could not do certain things but instead knowing that it was I that determined what was appropriate for me. Very little programming involved, i.e. - good/bad, right/wrong.
I was also raised with a lot of love which has been my guiding light my entire lifetime.
I, too, was raised in a household that very much encouraged independent thinking and questioning things like "societal programming" and the roles of authority figures and contained a lot of love. My parents paid us a LOT of attention while allowing each of us to pursue our own paths and interests, while asking tons of interesting questions that lead to more questions and more discussion...I can't thank my parents enough for the childhood that they gave me.

It wasn't until my teens that I realized that most people did not have the benefit of such an upbringing.

...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Starseed View Post
Fast forward a bit and now I've been married for about 5 years. I was reading the Conversations with God books when the notion began to grow on me: It feels "right" to share each other in intimate relationships. This was 1995 to 1997. As a couple of years went by, I decided one of the ways I could approach this with my wife would be to offer that she (if she decided it was appropriate for her) contact an old high school boyfriend and put closure in their relationship that neither one of them had done to their satisfaction.

She was shocked that I would suggest such a thing! The idea did not catch on with her, but......a few years later I realized that she was indeed Bi. We made contact with a lady that lived over the pond and this gal came to meet us. The triad was not successful, but it helped both my wife and I to understand each other and ourselves much better.
Two years later we tried a triad again and it worked for about 6 months. All of us I believe learned a LOT for the experience and for me it was full of opportunity that I took advantage of.
One of the reasons the triad only lasted for as long as it did was that the lady who came to live with us was not Bi, but hetero. The passion was just not there for the two ladies.
For me, it was the early influence of reading LOTS of Heinlein (in my pre-teens) - not that he used the term "polyamory" but the concept that love didn't need be limited to TWO people is all through many of his works.

It was actually my (now) husband who pointed out to me that I was bisexual. It's amusing to me now that, although I had heard the word, it never occurred to me to apply it to myself until he pointed it out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Starseed View Post
Believe it or not, I had no idea until about one week ago there was even a term of "Poly" :-) I just knew that sharing was what was "right" for me because for me; my Love grows the more I share it with others and nurture it within Self.
Dude had never heard the term until I talked about it with him...yet, so much of what I was saying resonated with his own feelings and experiences that it almost a "Well, duh." reaction.l;

Quote:
Originally Posted by Starseed View Post
I have been single now for four years and for the last 2.5 years I've not dated. I'm extremely happy and at peace, but its very nice to share with others this understanding of Polyamory. I see myself in the not too distant future once again sharing my love with several others.
I am glad that you have been happy and at peace. May your journey continue to be fulfilling...whichever roads it takes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Starseed View Post
Thank you for listening and and being here each and everyone of you!
Thank you for joining us and sharing your story.

JaneQ
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #5  
Old 01-22-2013, 02:38 AM
Starseed Starseed is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by [COLOR="RoyalBlue"
JaneQSmythe;179803]Welcome to the forum![/COLOR]
Thank you Jane! Its good to be here.


[/QUOTE]
I, too, was raised in a household that very much encouraged independent thinking and questioning things like "societal programming" and the roles of authority figures and contained a lot of love. My parents paid us a LOT of attention while allowing each of us to pursue our own paths and interests, while asking tons of interesting questions that lead to more questions and more discussion...I can't thank my parents enough for the childhood that they gave me.

It wasn't until my teens that I realized that most people did not have the benefit of such an upbringing.
[/QUOTE]

Wonderful! Its great that you had parents as well that understood the value of their own examples as well as what they taught in other ways. I feel that for those of us that were fortunate enough to have parents like we did, there is quite a "head-start" because there is so much less deprogramming to do.

...


[/QUOTE]
For me, it was the early influence of reading LOTS of Heinlein (in my pre-teens) - not that he used the term "polyamory" but the concept that love didn't need be limited to TWO people is all through many of his works. [/QUOTE]

Yes, I read those same Heinlein books when I was teen :-)) I did not realize it until now (as you reminded me), but I'm sure they influenced me too...

[/QUOTE]
It was actually my (now) husband who pointed out to me that I was bisexual. It's amusing to me now that, although I had heard the word, it never occurred to me to apply it to myself until he pointed it out.[/QUOTE]

Great! Its also great that you can take it on and run with it. When don't judge ourselves and instead follow our joy, all sorts of wonderful creations come abound!


[/QUOTE]
Dude had never heard the term until I talked about it with him...yet, so much of what I was saying resonated with his own feelings and experiences that it almost a "Well, duh." reaction.l;[/QUOTE]

Yes, I understand. The guys sometimes are not into communicating as much as women and so often its felt but unsaid.


[/QUOTE]
I am glad that you have been happy and at peace. May your journey continue to be fulfilling...whichever roads it takes.[/QUOTE]

Thank you Jane! I extend the same to you; may your heart always lead you to the joy that you are.


[/QUOTE]
Thank you for joining us and sharing your story.[/QUOTE]

You're very welcome! My pleasure. Thank you as well for sharing.

Dan

JaneQ

Last edited by Starseed; 01-22-2013 at 02:41 AM.
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  #6  
Old 01-22-2013, 08:56 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Thanks for sharing your story Dan. It sounds like you were very fortunate in your upbringing. You can take it from someone who was raised LDS: breaking away from dysfunctional conditioning can be an intensely difficult thing!

Hope you enjoy your time on our site.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #7  
Old 01-22-2013, 10:38 PM
Starseed Starseed is offline
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You're welcome Kevin! Yes, I totally agree with you and I feel very blessed each day for the way in which I was raised.

Yes, I bet it was tough for you being raised LDS. I had a friend that was raised LDS as well and he too told me horror stories.

Thank you I am having a good time. I'm enjoying reading the wisdom coming through you and so many others as you assist people here. Very inspiring!

Dan

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Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Thanks for sharing your story Dan. It sounds like you were very fortunate in your upbringing. You can take it from someone who was raised LDS: breaking away from dysfunctional conditioning can be an intensely difficult thing!

Hope you enjoy your time on our site.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #8  
Old 01-22-2013, 11:03 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Re:
Quote:
Yes, I bet it was tough for you being raised LDS. I had a friend that was raised LDS as well and he too told me horror stories.
Yeah, it wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the "you have no choice" part. Some people are happier staying in the church which is fine, just let me choose my own path in life as well.

Glad to have you aboard.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #9  
Old 01-23-2013, 12:25 AM
Starseed Starseed is offline
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Yes, I understand Kevin. This is my take: For those of us that are ready to Be independent, free-thinking, soverneign individuals, there is simply NO room in our lives for the control that religion, society and culture places on us.

Dan

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Re:


Yeah, it wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the "you have no choice" part. Some people are happier staying in the church which is fine, just let me choose my own path in life as well.

Glad to have you aboard.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #10  
Old 01-23-2013, 11:32 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Amen to that.
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