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Old 01-01-2010, 11:22 PM
quila quila is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 39
Default Prairie Girl


I'm recently married to a wonderful man, and I'm not sure how poly we are, but I'm definitely not a natural monogamous person... I have no desire whatsoever to be with any other guys, but I would really like to have a girlfriend. My husband completely supports this, encourages me to follow my path. In this sense, I consider us a poly couple. I can't imagine us ever being in a triangle, since he was "the bachelor's bachelor" before he met me (used to live in his car, literally, with a microwave, fridge, and coffee pot) and had never been in a relationship for longer than 6 months, spending the last 3 of them trying to find excuses to get out gracefully.

For his part, he enjoys BDSM, mostly the sadism side of it. Since I'm a big suck pants when it comes to pain, I would much rather have him turn someone else's ass black & blue. But he completely detaches these activities from romantic feelings, so that's not poly either.

But this is one reason why I'm reaching out for support, because while I theoretically support this, I find jealousy feelings cropping up. I don't really feel like he's "doing his part" to help me feel comfortable, so I guess part of why I'm here is for some guidance in that department. Part of the problem is that I have trouble identifying exactly what my own needs are within this context, much less being able to communicate them to him. Meanwhile, he grew up in a very non-communicative / non-emotive home, and he's done wonderfully at learning to open up to me, but he definitely still struggles with it every time. He's learned, at least, that I'm "safe" to talk to, won't judge him or get angry about his feelings. But it's still hard for him to even identify his feelings on his own, never mind share them with another person.

I guess that's all I have to say for now, I'm not really looking for any specifics at the moment... let you know when I do! :)
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