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Old 01-22-2013, 12:51 PM
ferenc ferenc is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 4
Default Why am I reacting this way...?

Why do I feel resentful that my wife is more present, loving and appreciative of me after she sees her boyfriend?

A little background, we've been together 11 years and still love each other. We've had a tough past 5 years and it turns out we don't deal with stress too well, and we've been behaving badly towards each other and fallen into some bad habits which we are in the process of fixing (being reactive, not listening properly, not talking nicely). So while we love each other, I would not say we're totally secure and have complete trust in each other (again, yet). Both of us being depressed (on medication) probably isn't helping either...

We've both always believed in non-monogamy but never did anything about it until recently. My experience was of a more casual nature, but my wife's was deeply emotional. I had quite some issues with jealousy, even though my wife was genuinely more loving towards me as a result of her other relationship. But he turned out to be a fool, so that ended.

Now she's met another man she's very attracted to (but not done anything about other than several lengthy emails back and forth) and from the emails she has shown me, and the one time I've met him, he seems like a genuine nice guy. He has a wife, kids, and 3 girlfriends who he sees about once a month (sounds like he's got it sorted to me)

So this afternoon my wife and I spent the most connected and emotionally intimate time together in years. When I asked what had brought this on, she said that she had seen her new friend and seeing him was reminding her to appreciate me, at which point I got upset and felt resentful that she could only be so connected to me after seeing another man.

I mean really, what is the matter with me? Here's something which is dramatically improving our marriage, and I'm resentful???
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Tags
improving our marriage, jealousy, new to polyamory, resentment

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