Five months ago I started to look for an online Dom. My husband knew and I had no intention of it ever transferring to realtime. After a few sessions with a potential Dom neither one of us were sure it would become more. Then he learned about my rape fantasy and volunteered to help me fulfill it.
I had no desire to cheat on my husband and told him so but I was told by my husband that he would be fine if we did. My personal decision was to still keep that part of me for him only and asked if the Dom would be interested if no penetration was allowed. He said he would.
We set up a play time and he "abducted" me and it was a lot of fun. So much so that we decided to do it again. Our chats became more open and we found ourselves talking as friends more than Dom and sub. I told him I couldn't be his sub because I knew he would want sex and I wouldn't be able to let go fully and trust him with that amount of devotion and servitude if I knew he was doing the same thing with other women. I knew it wouldn't work because of who I am.
Somehow along the line we started talking about Daddy/daughter relationships and it clicked for us. A taboo relationship without sex where he could still molest his little girl. I knew I could do that while he still had sex with others. We really loved what happened with that. But things started to slowly change for me. I started to fall for him.
We had a sleepoever one night for the first time, which in hindsight was not a good idea. We both became incredibly sexually frustrated and about 4 in the morning the tiredness and the tension was too much and it happened. I felt terrible. Even though my husband had said he wouldn't mind if we had sex I had told him I wasn't planning on it.
I left that playdate thinking we were over. That I had to end things and start working on my marriage. But when I talked to my husband he was more than understanding and still continued to support our relationship. At the time I believed he was so supportive because he had been playing multiple times with men, having random hookups. The 8 years we have been married I had to grow a lot to finally accept that and love him, everything about him, no matter what.
After that first time of sleeping together I told my husband that I would not go down this road if it ever meant he would eventually want the same thing with another woman. That I wouldn't be able to handle it. I didn't mind the men, after so many years of finally coming to terms with it, but no women. He assured me that I was the only woman he was interested in, and that he wouldn't ever want more. For weeks I constantly gauged him and his sincerity and finally started to believe him. I let my guard down and once that happened, I started to fall in love.
I continued to talk to and see my Daddy. It escalated into a weekend stay at his house and still my husband was supportive. My daddy stopped seeing other women now that we were sleeping together because I told him the same thing, that I was a jealous person and couldn't let myself share so much of myself with someone knowing they had someone else. I knew it was selfish but I was completely honest. I would rather have given him up altogether than deal with sharing. It was his choice.
Months went by and I knew I was falling in love with another man. Not that I stopped loving my husband at all and I wasn't sure how to handle it. My Daddy asked me if I had ever looked at the idea of poly relationships and I said no. I looked into it, read everything I could think and and started to slowly introduce the idea to my husband. He seemed a little hesitant at first but warmed to the idea over time. We started to call our situation poly.
I told my Daddy I loved him for the first time over Christmas. It was a very tender and special moment. He returned the words and the weekend was magical. After that everything changed…
My husband confessed that he was now interested in seeing women, that the weekend I was gone made him reconsider things and he wanted to look. He realized he was jealous and thought this would be a good way to balance things out. I was stunned. I reminded him what he had said about not being interested in other women and he said it was true at the time and asked if he was allowed to have a change of heart. That was fair so I said yes. and he started to look…
I shut down for a while, from both my husband and my daddy. I told my Daddy that my husband was now looking and that it was only fair I opened the door for them both. I waited to see how I would handle it, and I did not handle it well at all. I sank into a depression. I came to a place where I knew I'd have to give up my daddy and I was heartbroken. I was mad at my husband for letting me fall for another guy, for making me feel that secure in going down that road. I was miserable knowing I would lose someone I had come to care for so much.
My husband saw that I was ready to give Daddy up and talked me out of it. He told me how much he has enjoyed having him in our lives, how I was happier, more sexual, and full of life. It was true mostly because my husband works 100 plus hours and has for the last 3 years. I was lonely and this new relationship gave me a friend during those long hours. He pulled back and said he would not look, but I could see that he was much less visually enthused with my relationship with Daddy.
Asking for time with daddy became something I dreaded and I knew that I would probably lose him if my husband didn't find someone he was excited about too. I finally told him a play partner would maybe be ok, but not a relationship. I couldn't do that.
So now he is looking. And I hate it. I am broken hearted. I feel trapped and pulled in two directions all the time. Daddy has said that for now he is not interested in looking but that he knows in time he most likely will. He wants someone who can live life with him and I don't fault him for that at all. I just know that I am set up for eventual heartbreak not just once, but twice now, and while I try not to think about it most of the time, it's there, lurking.
I have no idea how something so amazing has now turned into a nightmare. I am so happy when I am with my daddy but coming to a place where I'm ok with my husband's search is not happening. I don't know what to do. Please, someone help.