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Old 01-16-2013, 04:10 PM
BraverySeeker BraverySeeker is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2012
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Default Subconsciously poly?

So in the middle of a conversation with my wife the other day, I said in passing, "You're the poly one here." And she said to me, "You only think you're not."

That's an interesting idea, as much for what it may say about me as it says about the one who said it. She seems to think I could meet and fall for someone else much like she did. I can't rule that remote possibility out, but I can't see myself opening myself up to it either. I'm physically attracted to other women, no doubt. But I've only ever been in love with this woman, starting as freshmen in high school and continuing through a decade of marriage and the parenting of two kids now in grade school.

Even when we weren't together or even speaking for those three years after college, I pined for her. I had other relationships during that period, but they were disasters. I thought I had gotten over her and hadn't. Eventually we reconnected and started over.

Now she seems to be giving me permission to have what she has - more love from ... who knows who else? I should feel grateful for what she's saying, but I'm mostly confused. I know intellectually that monogamy's a crock. But I'm not unhappy as a monogamist with a poly partner.

If I were subconsciously poly, too, how would I know? How do long-established, monogamous couples figure it out? Does one usually know well before the other?

Last edited by BraverySeeker; 01-16-2013 at 04:20 PM.
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